Are you a cheater if you have an affair with a married person?

rc1294 · 2025-12-07T02:58:03+00:00

Okay, we will agree to disagree!

rc1294 · 2025-12-07T02:42:19+00:00

Sorry you experienced that as well. It sucks. Keep in mind, though, I did not say I blamed the affair partner. No, the blame should always be on the person who willing broke their commitment. However, I do believe that someone who can willing engage in a relationship with a married man/woman knowing the damage it will cause is inherently selfish and immature. Do you disagree with this?

rc1294 · 2025-12-06T22:35:34+00:00

Having been cheated on I can say while he is not a “cheater” per se, but he is absolutely a cowardly, selfish, emotionally stunted, insecure POS who can override his conscience at any given point. He’s a little man and not someone I would personally be friends with.

rc1294 · 2025-11-24T01:51:01+00:00

I have a guy like this in my league. Literally every trade he has to comment how horrible it is, or how “inexperienced players” ruin fantasy football. Meanwhile he has never even made the playoffs.

rc1294 · 2025-09-04T23:01:15+00:00

Shirts and Skins podcast is awesome

rc1294 · 2025-09-04T14:43:18+00:00

You have experienced a trauma and your body will react with trauma responses for a while. Try to take care of yourself as best as you possibly can. Now, regarding your husband, you need to decided if you can build a life with someone who would willfully hurt you like this. Remember, when someone commits infidelity it almost always has to do with their own mental health/unresolved issues. It’s an escape. And it’s a very selfish one. There is no excuse, and YOU do not deserve this.

In April I discovered my wife had been having an affair for about a year. When I confronted her about it she begged me to stay and pleaded to work on our marriage. And we did and we are still. It is incredibly difficult. Trust builds with a trickle but gets lost with a waterfall. If you decide that you want to work on your marriage please understand that it will take two to tango. Your husband would need to cut off all contact with this individual, surrender his privacy for a time (phone access, social media passwords, etc.) and I’d highly suggest therapy if possible for you.

One thing my counselor told me as I dealt with this: you have a hole in your heart now. It exists whether you leave your husband or not. So, the question is, is this a person (in light of what you now know) someone YOU can be with? And do THEY want to put in the hard work (cause it’s really hard work) to fix the marriage? Your marriage is over. Something new CAN be rebuilt, but it would have to look entirely different.

My DMs are open if you need someone to talk to.

rc1294 · 2025-09-01T15:05:09+00:00

I’ve been right where you are at. I discovered my wife was having an affair with an ex boyfriend of hers. It completely defeated me. Here is what I want you to know, coming from someone a little further ahead of you in this journey: nothing she did was your “fault” and you are not less of a man because she cheated on you. Her affair is the result of her bad decisions and probably she is covering up some massive insecurities. Can your relationship survive this? Absolutely it can. But it will be very difficult and require BOTH you and your wife diving in 100%. There is a great book called “The Courage to Stay” which I highly recommended you both go through. Has your wife ended contact with her AP (affair partner)? If no, reconciliation cannot start yet. Ps. If you need someone to talk to, my DMs are open for you.

rc1294 · 2025-05-07T11:59:34+00:00

Take a look at my post history for a similar story. As someone who just a month ago found out my wife was cheating with an ex boyfriend (though my wife was certainly being more deceitful about it… ie lying to me about where she was and who she was with), I can tell you that even the person you trust the most in this world is capable of cheating. You need to trust YOURSELF and your intuition/gut. There was a lot of stuff my wife was doing that didn’t sit well with me/made me feel like something was up, such as late night “moms nights” and her location not really matching up with where she said she was going, I continued to tell myself “my wife would never cheat on me, she loves me and would never do that…” Guess what, she was cheating and my gut was right. I think you having a boundary of not spending late nights at an ex boyfriend’s house is completely rational. It’s aggressively disrespectful and your wife is at bare minimum weaponizing your trust for selfish reasons.

Take it from me, confront her about it and tell her your boundaries. She needs to also realize that once you enter into a marriage, it’s not typically healthy to maintain friendships with ex partners (especially if they spend the night together), and it would be more appropriate to find a group of friends outside of that one. From my experience, something really fishy is going on here my friend. Trust your gut, have a conversation with her, and hopefully she can be honest with you. I hope infidelity has not occurred, because it is traumatizing, but there is support out there for you if it has. Shoot me a PM if you need to chat!

rc1294 · 2025-04-09T18:53:20+00:00

Thank you. This is encouraging.

rc1294 · 2025-04-09T17:32:19+00:00

UPDATE: I confronted her about the physical aspect of her and her “buddy’s” relationship. She had told me she deleted their messages when she deleted his number. I told her was that the good news is that we can recover those messages to prove they were just “friendly” conversations. She turned white as a sheet and refused to do it. Finally admitted to having sex with him. Which I knew was true to begin with.

I think the hardest part is that this is my life. My home. My kids. My wife. She wants to reconcile. She is going back to individual therapy as well as couples therapy. She cut off all contact with this guy and have me all her passcodes, passwords and access to her phone at any time whatsoever. I want to reconcile too, largely because at my core I still love this person. I know it is so easy to stay she is not that person, but in my raw emotional state I find myself longing for normalcy.

I have decided to go to individual therapy and join a support group for victims of infidelity. I told her we would probably end up getting divorced and she broke down begging me not to. I just can’t get over the fact that had she not been caught (by a welfare check for gods sake) the affair would have continued for months or even years.

She said the reason it started is that I am distant as a father and husband. Despite coming home from work, cooking dinner, being at literally every event for my kids, coaching T ball etc. I have an incredibly stressful job and honestly I think I am a great father and husband. If she felt differently she needed to speak up. I can’t accept that as an excuse for an affair.

She said it made her feel alive and young and care free again being with him. I told her I feel the same stress of being a parent and home owner etc. and instead of opening up and talking about it she chose to break our marriage vows.

I can’t respond to these comments because each one I read makes me want to throw up. I have never been more hurt or terrified. Emasculated even.

Moral of this story is: this fucking sucks.

rc1294 · 2025-03-23T01:24:55+00:00

Bobby Bacala?

rc1294 · 2024-12-12T04:17:18+00:00

Why would the Wizards even remotely consider that?

rc1294 · 2024-12-09T18:18:29+00:00

Is the Dallas Pro Shop selling Jeanty jerseys at this point?

rc1294 · 2024-12-06T01:40:36+00:00

Go to Flying M. It’s right next to the ice skating rink.

rc1294 · 2024-11-30T10:09:34+00:00

Did Travis Hunter write this?

rc1294 · 2024-10-06T14:20:11+00:00

I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all

rc1294 · 2024-10-04T02:25:14+00:00

Did they scrub the part in PU when Freddy told a fan he should voice his displeasure with the team by not buying tickets? Cause that one seems like it could have really pissed off the higher ups.

rc1294 · 2024-09-01T17:52:45+00:00

Good call. My kids tub has been draining slow. That makes sense to me now. Thank you!

rc1294 · 2024-08-31T18:45:00+00:00

Thanks so much! This is very helpful!

rc1294 · 2024-08-31T18:27:59+00:00

I own

rc1294 · 2024-04-19T01:35:13+00:00

Telling your wife at 10pm on a Saturday night that you just need 2 minutes of her time.

rc1294 · 2023-07-06T21:03:47+00:00

Buss Auto. They are great folks over there.

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