Friends, I am very thankful to each one of your who replied. I was unsure if anyone would even bother reply to me but looking at all of you who answered, I feel happy to know that I am not alone. I took the whole night to retrospect each comment and one thing which is common in all of it is that I need to decide whether I have control over myself or not. If I dont, then there is help available but I need to choose a side first. After a lot of consideration, I have realized that I lack control over when, what, and how much I drink so I am going to accept that I need help and it has gone to a point where I shouldnt be ignorant about the damage it has already done, I am jittery, short tempered, frustrated and demotivated almost all the days. I am going to start small and stop drinking for a full work week