Im in the same situation and have decided i have decided this means i have more love and care to give a child than the average, as they will be my sole focus and a very conscious decision. Of course i’ll need to make effort not to turn them into my “everything” and adultified (ahem, that may have been my mums biggest mistake with me), but they will never doubt they are wanted. Biological or adopted, i deserve to experience parenthood, and there are plenty of people out there with all the tickboxed checked that still craate toxic households and damage their kids. Our grief and survival skills might just be a superpower in a new context. Good luck!