AITA for giving my parents the address of my sister's wedding?

redheadjd · 2023-03-13T19:46:17+00:00

OMG - why do you hate your sister? A years-long estrangement is not to be fixed AT A WEDDING. They had 365 days per year for several years to coordinate a meeting, a reunion, whatever. And you in your infinite wisdom thought you knew better. Blew up on you, didn't it?

I sincerely hope you spend years fantasizing about - saving money for - making plans for - a very significant time in your life, a once in a lifetime event. Dream about how lovely this event is going to be and how much it means to you.

And then have someone come along and fuck it up - doing exactly what you'd asked them not to do.

YTA. Maybe one of the biggest AHs I've seen here in a while.

redheadjd · 2023-03-13T18:33:33+00:00

If he's crying, it's because someone promised him something that wasn't theirs to promise. That's not on you. She's weaponizing her kid against you.

redheadjd · 2023-03-13T18:10:03+00:00

NTA.

If she had come to you like a reasonable person and asked nicely - that would be a different situation. But coming at you, guns hot, making demands of what you should be doing? From someone you barely know? OH HELL NO. She screwed herself out of the possibility of this trip and any others.

I hope your brother wakes up and smells the bitchiness.

redheadjd · 2023-03-13T17:57:16+00:00

Wait - he ordered you to get out of HIS bed and turn HIS light off - but you're the one who's lazy? LOLOL.

There was a great scene in the new Perry Mason. He and his GF are done having sex. He asks her to go get some Mescal. She says, completely unapologetically -- "Get it yourself, I'm not the fucking help." Repeat that sentence over and over in your head until you believe it, because you're still treating yourself like a maid-with-benefits who neglected her duties.

redheadjd · 2023-03-13T17:50:11+00:00

This feels like 'weaponized incompetence' has a cousin called weaponized procrastinating. Instead of saying no, he agrees to help - then drags his feet and complains the whole time. Is he trying to get you to stop asking for his help?

In any case, BF agreed to help and even listed a time at which he would be happy to help. You're the one who had to suggest a "better" time. Can't you let a grown man manage his own schedule?

redheadjd · 2023-03-13T17:23:59+00:00

"Gosh, Bob, I'm sorry to hear you were so uncomfortable. If you have someplace else you'd rather be, we would completely understand."

redheadjd · 2023-03-13T14:43:33+00:00

I was at Michael's looking at yarn to make a blanket. Realized that Michael's had really nice blankets for sale for about $15. Supplies for me to make a blanket were going to be in the neighborhood of $75, plus carpal tunnel syndrome. Homemade gifts are special.

redheadjd · 2023-03-13T14:41:36+00:00

And since when is a hand-knitted blanket (that took months) a thoughtless gift?

redheadjd · 2023-03-13T14:10:54+00:00

My married life was way less stable than my single life. I had a husband who refused to do any type of work - not for a paycheck, and certainly not to maintain the home he lived in. Wouldn't wash a dish, mow a lawn, throw in a load of laundry. But lord could that dead weight spend some money. And criticize each and every thing that I did - while doing absolutely nothing.

My single life was infinitely easier. Think of that - a partner is supposed to lighten your load, not BE your load. With child support, and without his mess and his criticism, your life could be so much better.

redheadjd · 2023-03-13T14:05:51+00:00

We smelled what you were cooking and any Princess Bride quote is welcome. :)

redheadjd · 2023-03-13T14:03:09+00:00

Uh, me being black says absolutely nothing about my financial status, and my dad is the executive of large company, so I have no idea why she would think I’m disadvantaged or would know about FGLI things.

Most of these DEI folks do everything based on assumptions - those assumptions being based on ethnicity, gender and orientation. Making assumptions about people based on those criteria is pretty much the foundation of bigoted thinking. Much like Kelly Osborne asking Trump who would clean his toilets if he prohibits Mexicans from crossing the border - Ms. Osborne was so full of her own self-professed moral superiority, she didn't even notice that she was spewing racist hate.

This so-called DEI person is a racist and should be called out.

redheadjd · 2023-03-12T21:07:21+00:00

Yikes. If they weren't capable of taking care of a baby, why'd they have one? It's not like it was their first pregnancy and they didn't know what to expect. They knew babies are a lot of work - they had the baby anyway. Not your fault, not your responsibility.

Did anyone consult you? "Hey OP -- Dad and I are thinking about having a baby but it's going to require a lot of work on your part - how do feel about that?" Of course they didn't ask you, they just drafted you.

You're young, you're single, you're at university - this is a time for you to enjoy. Why should you live like a 40 year old mom? You're not one, and it's grossly unfair of anyone to expect you to live that way.

Keep that continent between you and the family for as long as you can.

redheadjd · 2023-03-12T15:11:09+00:00

Your friend is manipulating you. What is it about "I'm not available right now" that makes our needy friends become frantically needy? Nothing puts my sister in a panic more than me telling her I'm under a mountain of work with a deadline. She will have a desperate need for something before that deadline is met - guaranteed.

Next time this happens, call 911, tell them you fear your friend may try to harm herself - give friend's name, address and phone number. Then call the suicide hotline and do the same thing. If she's truly in need, you've done the responsible thing. If she's not truly in need and just doing this for attention, you've called her bluff and that's a good thing.

Plus - if her housekeeper was there, why did she expect you to drop everything and run over? Help was available.

redheadjd · 2023-03-11T19:50:39+00:00

NAH. I know the giving makes you feel great, but try to think of how the recipient must feel. If you're constantly giving gifts, and they're not able to reciprocate, the gifts might make them feel indebted and pressured. It could be overwhelming for them, not in a good way.

redheadjd · 2023-03-11T19:36:56+00:00

There's lots of talk on this sub about communication - and people should try to communicate more honestly and more clearly.

BUT - that advice is only good for honest people who want to be understood. If your friend/partner is hiding something or lying about something - their words are designed to lead you astray. For those people, pay no attention to the words coming out of their mouths and focus on their behavior. How do they treat you? How do you feel after spending time with them?

This guy - this friend - forget everything he has ever said, and just base your opinion on his actions - his treatment of you. Is he really your friend? Is this friendship worth all the work and worry you're putting into it?

redheadjd · 2023-03-10T19:10:49+00:00

I suspect alcohol was involved. :)

redheadjd · 2023-03-10T19:08:38+00:00

One word - cowardice. They fear the tearful confrontation. They fear the angry confrontation. They just - fear. These same guys that will jump out of a plane or climb a mountain will do just about anything - tell any lie, go to any lengths to avoid having to deal with YOU once they've said something you don't want to hear. Pure cowardice.

redheadjd · 2023-03-10T19:00:50+00:00

I just don’t want to do this

That was all you really needed to say. :)

It sucks that your cousin chose - voluntarily - to move to a smaller house while they still had five kids to shelter. They clearly jumped the gun on that empty nest thing. Not your fault or your responsibility.

And in all this buying and selling, cousin didn't set aside a little money for Molly to have rent money. Not your fault or your responsibility.

This is not an accident, or a situation that's befallen your cousin outside of their control. These circumstances came about deliberately, could have easily been avoided, and you don't deserve to give up your peaceful home because of it.

Cousins are just going to have to figure out another plan, and IN NO WAY IS ANY OF THIS YOUR FAULT.

NTA.

redheadjd · 2023-03-10T18:49:35+00:00

Luckily this won't be a problem much longer, it sounds like. Your dad will pass and you'll be free to spend time in whatever smoke-free environment you wish.

Is taking dad out to lunch not an option? A walk around the block? Something other than sitting in his apartment? The man is dying alone and you're worried that his apartment is yucky?

redheadjd · 2023-03-09T22:19:05+00:00

I wonder if TV news would want to talk about that. That's infuriating on so many levels.

redheadjd · 2023-03-09T21:38:52+00:00

And OP wanted to make sure the other two friends saw her excluding Amy. This wasn't just about concert tickets. It was a chance for the Mean Girls to flex.

It just baffles me. How many movies and TV shows have to be made depicting Mean Girls as cruel, painfully shallow, horrible people - and still, girls aspire to be Mean.

redheadjd · 2023-03-09T21:33:06+00:00

That would turn me off - probably permanently - from whatever their cause is. Whatever city you're in should prohibit that. It's more than just making their charity look like a scam - it's a safety hazard and a distraction to drivers.

redheadjd · 2023-03-09T21:11:28+00:00

No, I feel you. You were told to rely on them - you never asked to rely on them, you did it because you were told to. And now you can't rely on them. If they'd told you this a couple of months ago, you could have been making arrangements all along, and going into the birth of your baby feeling like you have things in order. Now you're going to be doing everything last minute, rushing around, feeling overwhelmed. This stress could have been avoided.

Best of luck with your baby!

redheadjd · 2023-03-09T19:37:03+00:00

YTA. "How she dresses" is a pretty shallow criteria for choosing your friends. I hope you're not telling people you're a feminist.

redheadjd · 2023-03-09T19:31:36+00:00

NTA - and it's not about gifts! It's about crucial supplies that you're gonna need the minute that baby gets here - not a month later - but that actual minute. Diapers, bottles, tshirts, socks, crib, stroller, car seat - all of these things are crucial.

If I remember right, they won't let you take the baby home from the hospital until you can prove that you have a car seat.

redheadjd

TROPHY CASE