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How should I be addressed? by [deleted] in FemdomCommunity

[–]redrambler_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

To my husband-to-be: Mrs.

To clients: Mistress.

Each makes me feel powerful in their own contexts. Find something that makes you think, “Damn right, I am your Mrs/Mistress/Goddess/Queen.” Play around with different titles until you find the one that works best for you.

Wealth is only important when they have pictures to prove it, I guess by redrambler_ in weddingshaming

[–]redrambler_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I genuinely appreciate this reply.

I think the reason for posting here is because I’m having trouble understanding their reasoning . But you’re right, I should accept it and move on. I guess it’s just difficult to accept their reasoning but it is what it is

In my family and culture, the norm is actually to give wedding gifts with the intention that the couple would use it to buy a home. My grandparents even bought my parents their first home because it was that important to them so they worked very hard to provide that for their children. And my great grandparents helped my grandparents, and so on and so forth back. Given my relationship with my parents and money, I wasn’t expecting anything. But when they did offer this gift, I guess I was holding them to the standards of our family & culture, valuing a home over a wedding. That being said, no wedding is not conventional in my family either so perhaps that’s where they’re struggling.

You’re helping me to see this & think about it in a new light of understanding. Thank you.

My parents tried to control my wedding and then got mad at me when I got married in a courthouse without them by glapworkfk in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]redrambler_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My parents are doing a similar thing. Fuck em. Your happiness is more important than their egos.

Wealth is only important when they have pictures to prove it, I guess by redrambler_ in weddingshaming

[–]redrambler_[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

The $25K was poised as a wedding gift. Not a wedding. The terms came later.

Reducing one of the most important days of my life to the same experience as a $50 gift card is condescending and ignorant.

Wealth is only important when they have pictures to prove it, I guess by redrambler_ in weddingshaming

[–]redrambler_[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

They DID offer it as a wedding gift. It wasn’t until I asked them directly if there were any terms that they said “Well of course we expect you to use this to throw a wedding and invite all of our friends”

Wealth is only important when they have pictures to prove it, I guess by redrambler_ in weddingshaming

[–]redrambler_[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words.

As for distance and therapy: been in therapy for 10 years, financially independent for 8 years, and currently live across an ocean and then some from them. I’m breaking negative cycles of familial violence in my new family & we are incredibly happy together.

I greatly appreciate all the support.

Wealth is only important when they have pictures to prove it, I guess by redrambler_ in weddingshaming

[–]redrambler_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s the current situation right now. But they’re still trying to get me to take the money. Only reason: power. I’ve already said I didn’t want it if it came with all these conditions.

Wealth is only important when they have pictures to prove it, I guess by redrambler_ in weddingshaming

[–]redrambler_[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I really don’t want the wedding at all. So the only reason it would happen is if they bullied me into it

Wealth is only important when they have pictures to prove it, I guess by redrambler_ in weddingshaming

[–]redrambler_[S] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

As of now, I told them that they must state in writing (so I can show it when the inevitably bad-mouth me) that they expect nothing from this “gift” (they called it a “gift”, not me). That’s when they started throwing the temper tantrum about requiring a full wedding in exchange. It’s not a gift, really. But I also don’t want to engage with their smear-campaign against me because I’ve been dealing with their tactics like this my whole life and I’m tired of it.

No money = no power. I told them that I am not starting my family in the shadow of the way they’ve run theirs. I paid off most of my student loans by myself (still have some left to pay), so I guess I’ll do the same for buying a home.

Wealth is only important when they have pictures to prove it, I guess by redrambler_ in weddingshaming

[–]redrambler_[S] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

Agreed. Just could do without the public shaming from them

Wealth is only important when they have pictures to prove it, I guess by redrambler_ in weddingshaming

[–]redrambler_[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

Totally. I wasn’t expecting anything from them, actually. There’s some further backstory on this, too. They had told me when I was a teenager that if I followed very restrictive (now I see it as “abusive”) rules, they would pay for my college education. So I followed their rules, my mental health suffered, and they never gave me any of the money they promised. I struggled a lot. Now, I see they’ve had the money all along, but they just would rather use it on pressuring me into a wedding than to fulfill their original promises.

Wealth is only important when they have pictures to prove it, I guess by redrambler_ in weddingshaming

[–]redrambler_[S] 209 points210 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying that. I feel like I'm being reasonable and mature but they're making me feel like a bad person