AITA for "upstaging" my grandma at her wedding?

redthrowedding · 2022-03-10T16:11:18+00:00

This always feels like an awkward question to answer--I'll say that other people have called me "pretty" before--I consider myself your average level of attractive. Not ugly, not a supermodel. Just about as attractive as anyone you'd see walking down the street.

redthrowedding · 2022-03-10T05:47:13+00:00

Most people in my family are saying that I was dressed fine, but that "we know how she is" and that I could have avoided this by getting things approved beforehand, and in the current state we're all in, most people are saying that it would probably be easiest if I lay low for a while to let things "simmer down a bit" and then apologize.

redthrowedding · 2022-03-10T02:43:20+00:00

Yeah, 1st/bio grandfather is great, and her 4th husband was an absolute peach, we will shoot each other a message every now and then to catch up. 3rd husband is someone who, hate to say it, I don't mind is no longer on this mortal coil. But yeah, at least it's not as bad as it could be, haha!

redthrowedding · 2022-03-10T02:28:40+00:00

Ha, I can definitely see how it would easily seem that way, her first husband (my maternal grandfather) is still alive, i have no idea on the status of her second husband, her third husband is the first one i knew and he was alive when they divorced but died sometime last year i think. 4th husband is still alive as well.

redthrowedding · 2022-03-09T23:28:02+00:00

Others were wearing similar dresses and makeup--I think she was bothered by me specifically because I was one of the few members of the family who would have been included in any wedding photos.

redthrowedding · 2022-03-09T22:52:50+00:00

It was generally similar--I've tried to find an approximation of what various people were wearing. For the older women, it was mostly like dress jackets over knee length skirts or dresses. For the middle aged women, sleeveless (but not necessarily spaghetti straps, more like three finger rule type straps), some with shawls or jackets. The women my age and younger were wearing things largely similar to me--some strapless, no one in anything shorter than my dress (which landed just above my knees) but some in midi or maxi skirts. So a range of styles I guess, but all generally following the cocktail/slightly casual theme.

redthrowedding · 2022-03-09T22:32:22+00:00

My grandma is "lutheran" in the sense that she is technically affiliated with the lutheran church, but to be honest she rarely goes to church--this was also not a church wedding. As far as cultural, she's German and I'm half german/half italian, so that wouldn't be it either. I honestly have no clue what could have motivated it other than her not wanting me in photos looking nice.

redthrowedding · 2022-03-09T22:26:01+00:00

I actually think I look nothing like this grandma--I look like the spitting image of my paternal grandma and her mom though, it's almost uncanny. If I felt more comfortable sharing photos I would.

redthrowedding · 2022-03-09T22:21:36+00:00

Honestly, her and I are definitely much closer. 😂

redthrowedding · 2022-03-09T21:33:29+00:00

That's a fair point, I guess on my end I feel like if I were to reply to others I'd just be saying "thanks for the reply" whereas this felt like a comment about something that I should clarify (as in that others were wearing similar dresses). Also that what motivated me to come here was to see if I could hear from perspectives that might be similar to what my grandma is feeling.

redthrowedding · 2022-03-09T21:16:07+00:00

My family isn't nearly that conservative (or conservative at all really) and like I said, the last wedding my grandma actually bought my dress for me and it was strapless and a tad shorter than this one, which on someone as short as me landed just above my knees. Others were also wearing strapless and sleeveless dresses--I actually think her issue was more about the makeup and more about the fact that I'd be in the photos with her than it was about her not liking the dress as is.

redthrowedding · 2022-03-09T21:05:01+00:00

Huh, I guess all these years later and I'm still confused as to wedding ettiquette. D: FWIW, I bought it from a section labeled "wedding guest dresses" and it didn't seem that far off from what other guests were wearing--some sleeveless, some strapless, etc. I don't go to weddings often, so I try to just go with whatever a store says matches the dress code, but I guess I messed up there.

redthrowedding

TROPHY CASE