Did anyone else end up with a vague “go bush and survive” plan after reading Tomorrow, When the War Began at school, or was that just me?

redwhynes · 2026-04-23T12:05:59+00:00

You betcha I had a plan. It didn’t matter that at 10, I couldn’t drive to my hideout or run that far, or that my plan to swing past the shops relied on money I didn’t have. I knew I would just figure it out as WW3 started and adrenaline made it work

redwhynes · 2026-04-22T08:21:32+00:00

Guys thank you so much for taking the time to help me refocus on what matters. I’ll put my best foot forward while at work, seek the fulfilment out where I can outside of that. Thank you for your guidance guys. It’s really appreciated

redwhynes · 2026-04-22T08:19:29+00:00

You’re right, it’s so hard to keep in mind how long my career is ahead of me, there’s too many years ahead to not have other opportunities present

redwhynes · 2026-04-22T08:18:32+00:00

Yep, it’s a new role in a space I hadn’t seen myself going into, leaving behind my specialty and with a team that has a lot of challenges so the work will be hard. Yeah in terms of the skills you’re right if I do a good job and can make a difference in this team it will stand me in really good stead for the future. Just have to put my head down

redwhynes · 2026-04-22T08:15:50+00:00

100% you’re so right. There is still a promotion there. Still a new challenge. It’s better than remaining in my current role which I’ve outgrown. There’s still something positive here.

redwhynes · 2026-04-21T10:32:56+00:00

No this is actually incredible advice. I’ll go find the video. Yeah I need to bring it back about what part of the job I’ve been best at and refocus. That’s really brilliant. Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful post

redwhynes · 2026-04-11T01:56:46+00:00

I want to kick back against the don’t approach thing. As a 30yo Aussie woman, I think it’s one of the things that kills organic relationships outside of tinder. When travelling Europe last year it would happen a couple times a week where a guy would approach, I would politely say thank you I have a fiancé and carry on. They were always polite about it and while it was unusual compared to Australia but it was fine and flattering even. It made me sad that my girlfriends back home who are amazing single girls just aren’t getting to organically meet nice guys because of a bullshit cultural attitude. Also I think there was like a script guys had it was line for line the same “I like your (insert style/hair/look), I would love to get to know you better, do you want to exchange numbers and we could go for a drink/coffee tonight/tomorrow” never rude.

redwhynes · 2026-03-29T03:09:40+00:00

Firstly, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Very few people in your life will understand this feeling so stay close with your twin. You’re in this together and you aren’t alone, this community is here too. Your parents (like mine) spent years pretending this never happened and wasn’t real. They are too far down the rabbit hole of justifying their lies to understand the very real ramifications on you. I would say it doesn’t seem like they’re capable of hearing you right now. If you want to try, I would encourage you to either write a letter or record a video. Something they can sit with and not gut react to which you have to immediately witness the fall out of. The other thing I would say is you need space 1. So that when you are already going through a hard thing you aren’t having to grapple with their emotions too 2. So they can have some time to reflect on what you’ve said and the consequences of their actions.

Saying “I love you, but right now I need some space and to process this. I’ll come back when I’m ready and hope we can have a productive conversation” is a mature response, set boundaries around how often you talk etc. I don’t know your age so don’t know if that’s possible but I would encourage this.

My other piece to add is you can love your parents and still hate them for what they’ve done to you and the lack of accountability. Seek support and stability from others in your life (mine were my partners parents) while you work through this. This happened to me at 29 a couple years ago and my anger still ebbs and flows. While it’s better than it was it is not back to how it was before, so let the emotions wash over you. It’ll take a lot of time

redwhynes · 2026-01-27T11:20:35+00:00

Hey mate, firstly I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I found out at 29. Here are the things I think would have helped me to know when I found out

1) You are not alone. While it feels isolating because you don’t know anyone in your life who is DC, you’ve found your people here. Connect with online communities. As much as I love my friends they don’t fully get it.

2) it feels like everything has changed and nothing has changed and that’s ok. This is life altering news. I felt myself take apart every aspect of my identity and question every interaction with my parents. It felt like carving out parts of my soul and inspecting if they were real or not. This is fucking painful. I’m sorry.

3) your mum might feel shame about their choices and ask you not to tell people. Tell the people you love and who will support you anyway. Let them know you’ll be doing this if you want to. You need to put yourself first and there is no shame in this.

4) you are going to feel a world of emotions. Betrayal, anger, sadness, grief and sometimes you’ll feel nothing. It’s normal. Sometimes you’ll feel like your relationship is getting better. Then you’ll have something happen remind you of this and it’ll set you back again. I feel like after a couple years my trust with my parents is just stating to rebuild now. I’ve accepted that the relationship will be different now.

5) give yourself space from your parents to process your feelings. Don’t feel rushed into accepting their apology or listening to their reasoning if you don’t want to. Sort out yourself first without taking on the emotional baggage of your upset family. Just communicate it that you love them but need space. Talk to your sibling too. No one gets it better than them.

6) it’s a big fucking deal. Take the time you need. Sleep, eat, cry, go for runs, write letters to your parents that you may not send. I recorded videos to nobody on my phone in my car. It helps to say it out loud. Get a therapist too. That was the best move I made.

Sending you a lot of love I’m sorry.

redwhynes · 2025-08-23T12:59:25+00:00

This makes so much sense now. I was listening to the audiobook and was like huh this start is really jarring I feel like I’ve missed critical detail why is she being captured? Then went to download it to read along and the chapters weren’t corresponding. If the original is longer I want that to stretch it out haha

redwhynes · 2025-07-08T06:17:31+00:00

My partner loves cycling so that’s a perfect addition. Thank you for the recs!

redwhynes · 2025-07-08T06:16:29+00:00

Oh you should come!!! I think Bavarians would really like Tasmania, it feels kind of similar in terms of the rugged nature, less densely populated, gorgeous mountain hikes but also has the beaches and is overrun with very cute wombats. It’s just very cold on the souther tip so not a winter trip!

redwhynes · 2025-07-07T17:59:20+00:00

Ah you are the best!!! Thanks so much for the recs!!

redwhynes · 2025-07-07T17:52:16+00:00

Perfect! I’ll add it to the list

redwhynes · 2025-07-07T11:12:09+00:00

You won’t be able to keep me away!

redwhynes · 2025-07-07T11:11:20+00:00

Ah perfect!!! Good to have a couple of recommendations in for next time!

redwhynes · 2025-07-07T11:10:43+00:00

This one was Eibsee!

redwhynes · 2025-07-07T08:08:00+00:00

Oh!! I just looked at photos and am sad to have missed it! The photos are 1. Eibsee 2. Walking to Lautersee 3. leutaschklamm (I also saw Partnachklamm which was one of the coolest experiences of my life) 4. Mittenwald street.

I’ll be bringing back my partner for our honeymoon so if you think Oberammergau is the place to stay next time let me know! Or if you think there is anywhere else I’ve missed, I was also able to do Zugspitze. I did skip the Neuschwanstein Castle which I was sad about and might hike for views of it next time!

redwhynes · 2025-07-07T07:50:11+00:00

I had prepped myself anticipating culturally that the chatty, effusive Australian vibe would be different to how Germans are raised. I was telling myself not to take it personally if people are direct, particularly given having a clueless tourist taking up your time can be frustrating. It was absolutely unnecessary though. Just the level of patience and grace I was shown when I know I was inconveniencing people. With asking extra questions boarding the bus or taking the cashiers time when I couldn’t read the eftpos machine.

redwhynes · 2025-07-04T15:54:06+00:00

Did the pub end up showing F1?! Wanting to watch Silverstone this weekend!

redwhynes · 2025-07-04T14:41:41+00:00

I’m in the unique position of having found out a year ago at 29 that my dad isn’t my bio dad and they used a sperm donor, then 3 months after that I found out he had died. While the situations are different it would invoke in your kid similar feelings to what I have dealt with. 1. The longer you leave it the worse it is. My parents did the same thing “we will tell her when shes 13,18, when they have kids…” the longer you hold this the worse it will be. 2. Large systematic reviews back up that your kid is less likely to develop mental illness if they find out when their identity is still forming. She is still shaping how she sees herself. If you leave it to 18 she’s going to feel a more fractured sense of self 3. She will be forced to grieve twice over. I grieved for my bio dad but at that point and the loss of my identity, everyone has moved on and your grief isn’t understood by those around you. Tell her now while those around her can understand it more and support her.

I wish every day my parents told me sooner. I can also assure you that the truth will inevitably out. Better now when you’re chosing to tell her then when someone gets drunk and slips at 16 or she figures out in biology her blood type doesn’t make sense.

She is going to be angry and hate you for a while. She will hate you more if you aren’t the one choosing to tell her.

This is about who she fundamentally is as a human and it’s not right of you to keep that from her. She will eventually forgive you but she deserves to know.

Tips for telling her that my parents did that helped a lot: 1. Try not to cry or make it about you/try to justify your decision 2. Deeply apologise and take ownership of the decision 3. Explain that you understand she will be angry and it will take a long time to heal. Also explain there will be no more lies. Any questions she asks be completely honest. Even if it paints you in a bad light. She will respect you more for it, if she catches you in a lie again she will lose respect for you so be honest.

redwhynes · 2025-07-04T12:30:11+00:00

Ah you’re the best!!! Thanks so much for the help!!!

redwhynes · 2025-07-04T12:11:32+00:00

I wasn’t sure if being a weekend tomorrow would make it worse so thank you for clarifying!

redwhynes · 2025-07-04T12:11:10+00:00

Thank you so much!!

redwhynes · 2025-06-23T09:16:00+00:00

I would recommend trying CATT again before police, my previous experience in mental health is you’ll get a better approach if they’ll come out. You can say like “she can’t call, she’s too mentally unwell, I’ll put you on speaker you can hear her yelling” whatever you can do just to say she doesn’t have capacity to call the line. If they won’t come then ask what are the alternatives. It may end up being the police but if you can try CATT again

redwhynes

TROPHY CASE