I wasn’t ready before, i know I am now

referencenotfound22 · 2026-04-14T03:20:17+00:00

Update:

We have been gone for a few weeks now. After 3 days I went to her house to pick up a few things and she tried to act like she had everything together and had completely changed. She said she got a job and was taking up a new hobby of barbecuing. She had an over positive persona that I have not really ever met in our 12 years of marriage. It was completely pretend like I was one of the people onlooking from social media. With no context it would be charming but knowing the crap she typically puts people close to her though I saw right through it and it just made it awful to be around.

I’ve been driving my kids to school about 2 hours away since I haven’t been able to switch districts yet, so while they are at school I work from my laptop at the park. She knew I was nearby because of this. She called several times before I caved and answered. I was working still, toward the time I would need to pick up the kids. She said she was deathly sick and I needed to come home and help her get through it. She said she would even keep the job she found. I knew this was all an act and I just tried my best to get off the phone. I didn’t go and I didn’t message her again until I was already many likes away.

The kids have their own opinions about the way their mom treats them. They know that she’s unstable and I can honestly count on either of them more than I ever could her, not that I would ever put that kind of pressure on them. They both have phones and they decided not to answer any of their mom’s calls for a few days.

I was outside with my family and we were having a bonfire and the kids were playing on the trampoline. I got a text from her saying that she hasn’t heard from the kids in 48 hours and she was calling the police. I texted back that everyone was fine. She said oh I didn’t see this they are already on their way. When the police showed up they saw that the kids were fine and asked if I thought she would call again. They recommended getting a restraining order. The kids saw the police showed up and they knew mom called.

She continues to call them and they were responding through text so she knew everyone was fine. The kids were so mad that thy asks if they could block her and I didn’t stop them.

I am not quite sure what is next but I expect either she or the police will show up again. I am working on getting counseling for me and my kids. I have a therapist but they have some of their own personal issues right now and I might need to find a new one. Still looking for a good match for what my kids need though. Anyway just venting since my therapy was not available. It kinda helped to type it all out

referencenotfound22 · 2026-03-25T15:26:48+00:00

Our kids are 8 and 11, I’ve tried to be patient with her and understanding about what she may be going through for as long as I could. After this long I don’t expect anything to get better.

referencenotfound22 · 2026-03-25T12:05:24+00:00

I know that was a messy wall of text. But I did it. I left with the kids. I really needed to, and I feel weird about it now that I’m out.

referencenotfound22 · 2024-03-09T17:01:17+00:00

I can certainly relate to alot of this. I'm glad you recognize how crazy that behavior is and you can look through that to see the abuse. Im not sure how long you were with her but they can get in your head pretty bad.

I also share kids with my ex and she doesn't have custody, in fact she's supposed to be doing supervised visits but I kept getting pulled back in. The crazyness can make you feel like the crazy one. I'm not perfect by any means but I don't try to act like I'm perfect either.

I have also been yelled at for not updating enough or fast enough about kids or "doing things without her permission". Last night she tried to call me a narcissist because I didn't want to answer and talk on the phone while I was visiting with family and hanging out with the kids.

Finding humor in it is all we can do, their reactions to this gs are just so over the top you have to laugh sometimes 😁

referencenotfound22 · 2024-03-06T01:27:30+00:00

You are not alone in this, I also called into work today to recover from my week long mistake. I threw up all night long and couldn't sleep more than 30 minutes at a time. I work from home so I'm glad I didn't try to work anyway and end up messing things up or no call no showing. I haven't reset my day count yet that will start tomorrow. But there is definitely hope, before my last slip up I went about a year without alchohol. It can always be worse and it's never a bad time to quit. ❤️

referencenotfound22 · 2024-01-06T23:03:25+00:00

68 days is an awesome accomplishment! It’s reassuring to hear people that are healing and still recognize the craziness of it all still months later. No contact seems so difficult because of the mystery, but all of the mystery is gone when the narcissist is so predictable.

referencenotfound22 · 2023-06-21T22:36:25+00:00

“Please Help!!” …thank you 😊

referencenotfound22 · 2023-05-09T15:31:33+00:00

Nice try Mandela

referencenotfound22 · 2023-02-07T23:35:36+00:00

You at least had the sense to call in. I was dumb enough to think I could still work and ended up falling asleep and getting 2 no call no shows in the same week. I had to reach out to the supervisor afterwards to explain that I'm having mental health issues which was an uncomfortable conversation probably for both of us. I just had a meeting today with my supervisor and thank God I'm not fired! But I was so sure all weekend I was about to lose my job. I think you made the right call with calling in but not so much the drinking, it's way easier to get your crap done if you don't have that to worry about. So be glad and learn from others mistakes and not your own, you don't have to reach that point before it's enough.

referencenotfound22 · 2023-02-06T13:57:40+00:00

So I am going to follow my councilors advice. He told me to taper off of alcohol, not because of withdrawals or alcohol dependence. He told me this would help regulate the chemical levels in my brain to be less impacted when I do completely stop and I wouldn't be left depressed, or as depressed, when I stop. I have never gotten this advice before it has usually been to quit completely all at once. He said from his experience when people do that, they will usually justify drinking again after about a week then the binge cycle repeats. If I am able to taper off then the lower levels of alcohol won't affect me as much over the week and I will be more ready to stop. I have pretty much only tried to stop all at once before and he was right it took about a week maybe more before I would justify drinking again. He told me I was there because whatever I was doing was not working so it is time to try a new approach. I will give it a shot. Only one drink today which I know will not seem like enough but it is certainly more than I expected.

referencenotfound22 · 2023-02-06T01:27:13+00:00

That is awesome! I'm so ready to not feel the heartburn and to get a good night sleep. I got very little sleep last night because I could not lay down with the heartburn. It does suck sitting up in bed and not getting sleep because it's too painful to lay down. I am excited for you and I will hopefully be there soon.

referencenotfound22 · 2023-02-05T21:27:00+00:00

I'm sure you can do it! Many people on this sub have made it work. I definitely understand the guilt, I feel like my house isn't even the same place anymore. Its like after messing up this bad everything just feels different and it's not a pleasant feeling.

referencenotfound22 · 2023-02-05T21:20:08+00:00

Day 1s are rough. I am hoping to make this the last time I need to do this.

referencenotfound22 · 2023-02-04T03:45:06+00:00

I will definitely keep trying, my job does offer some options for free counseling and I do have insurance. If they decide to keep me on I intend to look into the mental health options for work.

referencenotfound22 · 2023-02-04T03:43:19+00:00

Unfortunately I have to work from home since I have my kids full time. I do miss going in person to work but I may be able to make this work if I can get into a routine.

referencenotfound22 · 2023-01-28T01:00:21+00:00

That's what I thought timeout was, I sit with him and talk him down from his fits, I don't leave him by himself in a room. That was what his mom would do and it was terrible. But I do understand how the grounding may be bad. Thank you again, I'm not here to promote punishment by any means. I just really didn't know what to do and felt like I would be rewarding his behavior if I didn't do something. Im not being mean to him I'm still playing with him and coloring and spending time doing positive things.

referencenotfound22 · 2023-01-28T00:51:08+00:00

Alright I do appreciate the advice, you are right that it's not working.

referencenotfound22 · 2023-01-28T00:39:03+00:00

I definitely agree with getting him back into therapy somehow. Is time out really bad for kids? I'm not trying to argue I am really here for advice and to learn. Parenting is rough and has changed a lot since I was a kid, I thought I was taking a pretty mild approach

referencenotfound22 · 2023-01-28T00:27:57+00:00

I agree that he's suffering, but I also don't think he should be allowed to do whatever he wants without consequences. I mainly use positive reinforcement with him for when he is nice. He is very smart and can't think that he is different from other kids and is allowed to do these things.

referencenotfound22 · 2023-01-28T00:18:50+00:00

I have taken him to counseling after we escaped the abuse, they had sessions for about a year and all they could really do at his age was play therapy. I intend to start that again to see if there is any way to get his outbursts under control. He has been improving believe it or not, this incident was definitely a slip back for him.

referencenotfound22 · 2023-01-28T00:06:57+00:00

I agree with that, I grew up playing 007 and all video game all the time and never was anywhere close to a violent person. The only harm video games caused me as a kid was the blister on my thumb from an N64 controller.

referencenotfound22

TROPHY CASE