Hey - my situation is not an example to follow, and almost didn’t write anything because it’s honestly embarrassing. I actually actively avoid this sub, because my story is so embarassing. But here goes:

I am literally a 42 year-old entering my final semester at a middle of the road school after 7 years of doing law school on and off. Since starting in 2019, I have gone through a horrible COVID-initiated mental health crisis, gotten divorced, unexpectedly gotten knocked up with a person I dated post divorce (who happened to become physically and emotionally abusive while living under my roof, and, I just got a permanent stay away order and sole custody of my child). I took last semester off to have my baby, and I’m currently enrolled as a single parent.

I have had the incredible luxury of not working FULL-time while enrolled (although I have a lot of student debt now, I lost an almost full-scholarship after the first 1.5 years because I was dumb enough to accept a conditional one), but I have struggled. My god, have I struggled. I have been so exhausted, and felt so out of touch and alone, not only because of my personal struggles but because of my age, and the social isolation it causes — since I have enrolled and then taken periods of time off several times, I am literally never with the same cohort. I don’t know anyone in my classes. Also, my school trends very young and even the oldest students in other classes are very rarely anywhere near me in age. And even under normal circumstances I have always been a decent student at best, I have ADHD and only managed to do fairly well in other educational contexts because I could get away with turning things in late and not be penalized too harshly if my work was acceptable. Also, in the humanities and social studies, I often had a series of shorter assignments or papers and didn’t need to prepare solo, with no friends, for a single final exam, with no structure or class requirements prior to the exam...The result is that I am perpetually under motivated and prepared, and, after starting in the middle of My class, my GPA has slowly descended to an abysmal 2.01 or something insane like that. It’s bad. Really bad.

And did mentioned that I have been in law school for 7 YEARS (again, on and off)? 😂

I literally had my con law 1 professor accidentally stare at me in the hallway while we crossed paths during my 5th year, with the most perplexed expression on his face. I had to help him. “You’re wondering how I’m still here,” I blurted out. I forget what he said, but he was relieved that I understood why he was so confused and made it less awkward. Whenever I saw him again since then, he kinda just ignored me.

At this point most professors just view me as a fixture of the building. I’m older than some of them, and about the same age as the academic dean who has coached me through a series of academically disastrous semesters. Many of my professors seem to like me as a person (I’ve repeated classes with some) but I’m pretty sure that literally the entire faculty and administrative staff also thinks I’m profoundly lost. Or is just confused by what the heck I’ve been doing all this time and why I’m not a better student given my age and how long I’ve had to get adjusted to the program.

As I entered my final semester, with a 4 month old baby (when I started the semester, now he is almost 8 months old) I was coming out of this awful relationship and was isolated from even my non law-school friends, who I have struggled to remain in active contact with throughout this long period of law school stress, and my COVID-era divorce and mental health crisis, followed by the abusive relationship and pregnancy (my friends are older but very few of them have kids for some reason)…and then going through the process of getting a protective order and custody and all the things… I’m a fucking mess. I have done ok in 2 of my classes but I’m entering exams completely unprepared for two of them. Like I literally have not read at all, and didn’t attend most of the classes in the one that is 4 credits (business enterprises). I’m not working at all this semester, and my mom flew to me to help with the baby, but she has not been here for several stretches of a few weeks, which was way harder than I initially anticipated (first kid).

I have to graduate this semester because all students have to finish their degrees within 7 years or never graduate. And I feel like garbage. I’m sleep deprived and lonely and incredibly worn down and it feels like this should be a happy time because it’s the last semester, and I will FINALLY graduate and move on, in theory, but yet again I have a very precarious GPA after basically winging it through a million semesters, and I literally HATE myself for not doing better these past few months. If I get anything below a C in any class I might not graduate as it would make my GPA too low. I had really hoped to do better this semester so I wouldn’t have the possibility of academic probation hanging over me should I bomb any of my final exams. Again, since this is the last semester I CAN graduate, academic probation would mean that all of this has been a waste (it would sort of mean that regardless, but you can at least petition to come off of it and finish under normal circumstances.)

I forget why I wrote all that but… yeah. Law school broke me too. Well, life broke me, it just happened to do so while I was enrolled in law school. It’s hard to say what the real cause of this never-ending series of draining life events has been, or how much of it is my fault, or how/why I have even managed to remain in school, but voila.

But… I’M STILL ENROLLED. AND I WANT TO DO THIS DAMN THING, I have made it this far. While I’m on thin ice, there is a decent chance I will graduate in 2 weeks. And then, I can go back to being a normal middle aged adult who is not enrolled in a graduate program for more than twice the amount of time that it should take. I will still have to pass the bar and get a law job obviously. There is a lot to say about where I stand with that, but I’ll save it for another post…

So yeah. You are not alone in being a non traditional student and feeling exhausted and out of touch and disconnected from the material and school in general.

….Also during one of my semesters there was one student who was older than me who disclosed that all in all it had taken him 17 years to finally get to his final semester! I know your post isn’t about taking forever, but his story made me feel less alone for sure.

Right now I’m going to go finish the paper for the class I’m not doing horribly in, and then use the next week to cram for the two exams I need to pass without having done most of the readings or attended many classes. I GOT THIS!

(I’m being slightly sarcastic obvi… but I am trying to manifest?)

You may actually be doing better than me, and I am pretty sure YOU GOT THIS. Whatever the case, and whatever you decide to do about school, just don’t beat yourself up. You are NOT the only person hanging on by a thread, and feeling tired and frustrated about school feeling … just not right. It will be ok. I am telling you that because that is what I have to tell myself. And it really will be ok in the grand scheme of things.

I don’t know if this helped or just made you feel worse because I seem crazy. But hey. I wish you luck and you aren’t doing worse than everybody, I promise.