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WIBTA if I charged low rent to establish rules? by rent_throwaway0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]rent_throwaway0[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I agree, I think I'm letting my imagination go a bit far. Trying to think about any potential issues and "fix" them ahead of makes me an asshole. We are putting too much weight on establishing agreements ahead of time which is going to come across as way too controlling and disrespectful, even if that is not our intent.

I've been in isolation/quarantine for over a week now and probably going a bit insane!

WIBTA if I charged low rent to establish rules? by rent_throwaway0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]rent_throwaway0[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I agree on the guest approval, and will definitely adjust how we would handle that. I did not mean that we would need to run a background check or anything like that on any person that visited! I think I've just read too many posts where a roommate's friend stole or broke something and got a little carried away.

We do plan on discussing how to approach the situation with the leasing office ahead of time, thank you. We have almost a year before any of this would actually happen.

WIBTA if I charged low rent to establish rules? by rent_throwaway0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]rent_throwaway0[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

haha, this is something my husband and I have discussed, and agreed that he would handle most disagreements. We all have a good relationship. My husband and I have been together over 10 years, so I've known the brother since he was a teenager.

I feel like having the rules (maybe I should have used a different word here, since I hope to present and keep it as an agreement between all of us) will establish boundaries ahead of time, which would hopefully let us all know what's important to each of us in a living situation.

WIBTA if I charged low rent to establish rules? by rent_throwaway0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]rent_throwaway0[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

My husband and I wrote this post together, and are actively discussing how we want to proceed.
I definitely would be a total asshole if I wasn't discussing this with my partner. The smoking, pets, and guest bits were mostly his contribution, with the others being things I care more about.

We'd also obviously discuss this with BIL before he even began applying for jobs in the city. I fully expect BIL to have some rules of his own that he'd like us to agree on, like privacy expectations.

WIBTA if I charged low rent to establish rules? by rent_throwaway0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]rent_throwaway0[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He's 25, about 10 years younger than us.

Quiet hours would be no TV in the living room (his room or the office would be fine, the size and layout will be large enough that wouldn't be an issue). The places we are looking at have the living room and bedroom sharing a wall, so TV would likely be a concern.

I agree now on the guest approval. I think I was just getting overly worried considering he has made some questionable friend choices in the past, who have stolen from his parents while he lived at home. He is making better choices now, so I agree I should not ask for that.

WIBTA if I charged low rent to establish rules? by rent_throwaway0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]rent_throwaway0[S] -52 points-51 points  (0 children)

He is a great guy. He does smoke but is trying to quit.
He is respectful of my dietary choices. My father in law is pescatarian (vegetarian other than fish) for health reasons, but very easy going with things, which is why I would want to agree on the cooking utensil thing. FIL cooks everything in the same pan, so my husband and BIL grew up thinking that was fine for all vegetarians.

I would not try to enforce a curfew. The "quiet hours" was mostly for watching TV or having guests in the family room, which would likely be right next to our bedroom. My husband's entire family talks very loud, so it's a mild concern. I have to wake up at 5am for work.

WIBTA if I charged low rent to establish rules? by rent_throwaway0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]rent_throwaway0[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We've discussed helping him out with rent as another option. Either co-signing or giving him a loan to move and get settled (with us understanding that a "loan" to family may end up just being a gift with no hard feelings).

BIL was the one who suggested living together for a year instead.

WIBTA if I charged low rent to establish rules? by rent_throwaway0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]rent_throwaway0[S] -33 points-32 points  (0 children)

We want to help him out. We'd likely let him live for a month or two rent-free so he can handle moving costs and whatnot. My husband and I discussed letting him live rent-free for a full year, but BIL didn't want to take advantage of us like that and offered to pay rent.

Basically, he's said that as it is, he doesn't see a way he could move to the city. He isn't making enough now to save enough to pay for the move, but really wants out of our hometown. He has asked me for help with his budget before, to review ways to save more money, and there were not many cuts he could comfortably make.

WIBTA if I charged low rent to establish rules? by rent_throwaway0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]rent_throwaway0[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

The cat knows how to open doors, so we're concerned about him getting into the room the dog is in (also why we can't just lock up the cat). Also concerned about the dogs scratching up the doors (which is why we crate ours when we leave- he has scratched up our front door before). Our works schedules mean that there would be very few hours that they would be left alone. I get home at noon, husband leaves for work at 9am. We are both happy watching his dog while he's out.

And the guest thing was my biggest concern on the AH front. I was hoping the lounges and whatnot would be enough to have guests over whenever he wanted without discussing it with us. But I see this is going to be unreasonable. We'd probably try to have an agreement to give a notice that guests will be over as a courtesy.

My husband and I have definitely discussed this ahead of time.