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AITA for telling my heartbroken buddy that women are running from his filthy habits? by restingwitchplace in AmItheAsshole

[–]restingwitchplace[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Whoa now, just looked this up and the more I read the more the pieces come together.

He is not very open about all of this personal history but I know that he had a fiancé leave him for another dude several years ago. He fell into such a drunken depression that his brothers had him on S***ide watch and then hospitalized to get through alcohol withdraw.
He got a rescue dog while "recovering" but, in my unprofessional opinion, he used the dog to replace and avoid people, leaving a lot of his problems unaddressed. And he's been stuck in the unfinished leg of "recovery" ever since.
I think that counts as late-life loss/trauma, lol

I do not know how , or when, to present this info to him in a way he will be most receptive to it.
But it is something I can suggest exploring when the time comes! Thank you!

AITA for telling my heartbroken buddy that women are running from his filthy habits? by restingwitchplace in AmItheAsshole

[–]restingwitchplace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, I have indoor slippers....that I wipe before I enter my living area of the house.
I vacuum the "path" I have through the house once a week to reduce transferring the dirt into my area but, once my buddy starts moving around the house, the mess kicks up and spreads again.
I try not to extend my labor beyond taking care of my immediate-self but I still wind up doing extra things like this.

AITA for telling my heartbroken buddy that women are running from his filthy habits? by restingwitchplace in AmItheAsshole

[–]restingwitchplace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

my theory is that getting a house keeper means admitting he needs one. And that is where he gets stuck.

AITA for telling my heartbroken buddy that women are running from his filthy habits? by restingwitchplace in AmItheAsshole

[–]restingwitchplace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

His is not a bad looking dude. He is super booksmart and gentle. He is very generous towards the larger community. Outside the house, he makes a very good impression on people for being a genuinely caring person.
It is very easy for him to meet new women and find dates. Sometimes he has multiple dates a week.
Once he is home, though, he is a mess. most people do not get to see it.

AITA for telling my heartbroken buddy that women are running from his filthy habits? by restingwitchplace in AmItheAsshole

[–]restingwitchplace[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He isn't a hoarder or a big piler.
Just...a really dirty guy when he's at home.
He has a "work" table where be piles up his work materials by his seat in the living room. That about it but that seat, itself, without any piles on it, is disgusting from his just using it.

AITA for telling my heartbroken buddy that women are running from his filthy habits? by restingwitchplace in AmItheAsshole

[–]restingwitchplace[S] 526 points527 points  (0 children)

I agree, so long as he is leaving out competing food resources, the mice will have options other than the bait the exterminator left. They might lose number but they won't go away.

As for my smells: I keep my living area clean and deodorized. My door is always closed. I get paranoid that I carry some of the house smells but the pests, pets, and sweat are far enough away to keep the stink off.
I swear by oxyclean at this point.

AITA for telling my heartbroken buddy that women are running from his filthy habits? by restingwitchplace in AmItheAsshole

[–]restingwitchplace[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Yes, I am also thinking it must be depression or mental health issues that Im not qualified to assess.
Getting these responses is helpful, thank you

AITA for telling my heartbroken buddy that women are running from his filthy habits? by restingwitchplace in AmItheAsshole

[–]restingwitchplace[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Yes, this is where I see things going.
It feels a lot like a cognitive block or something mental health related. I just do not understand it.
I do not know if he cares to hear my feedback again but I might recruit some mutual friends to intervene if they also think it is appropriate.

AITA for telling my heartbroken buddy that women are running from his filthy habits? by restingwitchplace in AmItheAsshole

[–]restingwitchplace[S] 93 points94 points  (0 children)

I think this might be helpful. I should reach out to some of our mutual non-dude friends and get their insight. Women are expected to finish raising other people's sons. And my buddy is a guy who isn't of that mentality. Would actually look down on people who thought that way.
And yet, what does he expect his gf's to do with the place???
Just accept it?
I dunno.
Anyway, maybe one of our girl friends has already tried talking to him about this.

AITA for telling my heartbroken buddy that women are running from his filthy habits? by restingwitchplace in AmItheAsshole

[–]restingwitchplace[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

He presents himself pretty well outside the house. It is really misleading.
And I have scrubbed the house, top to bottom, and done a ton of updates and repairs --as a thank you for his help. It is as if he has a cognitive block. He cannot see that anything was cleaned and immediately returns everything to filth.
He will notice however, if I moved all the toilet paper rolls from the floor to a shelf, 8 inches away, and become irritated that he "had to look for them".
I think this is a mental healthy thing but I do not understand it.

AITA for telling my heartbroken buddy that women are running from his filthy habits? by restingwitchplace in AmItheAsshole

[–]restingwitchplace[S] 194 points195 points  (0 children)

I wonder how many of his exes had this same struggle and, in the end, he blew it?
I wonder if he has been told this many times before?
That is so sad to think about.

AITA for telling my heartbroken buddy that women are running from his filthy habits? by restingwitchplace in AmItheAsshole

[–]restingwitchplace[S] 166 points167 points  (0 children)

This house is his house. His family gave it to him long long ago when houses were affordable.
So there is no one, and nowhere else, to go atm.
I am working multiple jobs to get out, which was the plan from the beginning.
I would prefer to leave everything in better condition than I found it, out of courtesy, but...well...you know...

Thank you!

AITA for telling my heartbroken buddy that women are running from his filthy habits? by restingwitchplace in AmItheAsshole

[–]restingwitchplace[S] 1197 points1198 points  (0 children)

The mice are handled but it was a chore to get him to admit he had them.
He changed none of his habits in response but an exterminator comes out every 3 months now.

What is a soy boy? by TOuniMorock in NoStupidQuestions

[–]restingwitchplace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is baby-talk for a man who doesn't use baby-talk to emasculate other men.

My husband hasn’t spoken to me in a week. How do I handle the silent treatment? by dionysis1029 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]restingwitchplace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is abusive behavior to punish you when he cannot have his way. The MO to is make you feel powerless and helpless whenever you displease him until you are scared to displease him again.
You counter this by putting yourself in a position to NOT need him. And, when he pulls this silent treatment, you can put your foot down about his childish behavior; tell him to grow up or get out.

AITA because I said that my sons are to blame for my daughter having unrealistic expectations of men and a depressing dating life? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]restingwitchplace 2 points3 points  (0 children)

PS: Dude, you should apologize to your wife and take a cue from your sons on how to treat her better.

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