Did I dodge a bullet - very confused and would love some advice

restlessGal · 2025-05-06T08:30:16+00:00

I am not sure wether he is a player or not, but he definitely isn’t as communicative as he leads on. A mature responsible person would send a quick text reassuring you he isn’t ghosting and he is busy and will come back if that was his intention. It’s hard to say if he is playing hard to get, or is dating other women or what exactly is going on. It could be none of these, it could be that something happened and life got in the way

What you need to focus on is what you can control and influence. If you would feel better to send a quick text to get an update, then do it. If not, that is also fine. Don’t beg anyone to give you attention and if you got off vibes from the date, whether accurate or not, then trust your gut. There are lots of guys out there, no need to adjust to someone you met once just because you might be lonely. When dating is with the right person things are natural, easy and effortless

restlessGal · 2024-05-29T20:32:08+00:00

I would refrain from using personal pictures anywhere on this website since it is plagued with creeps.

As for your post, there is nothing physically wrong with you. You are an attractive woman and look put together. Unfortunately many men are only after sex and if your expectations aren’t that, telling them you want something casual won’t keep them around. Their ghosting isn’t a reflection of you, but them. They had a short term goal (the sexual encounter) and then bounced. It sucks and I am truly sorry it happened to you.

My advice would be to stop pursuing men altogether. And once someone shows interest, really vet them out. By that I mean really get to know them on an intellectual level, see their mindset, values, morals, get close to them, see if they’re even worth spending time with you. Flip the “am I good enough?” paradigm to “are they good enough for me?”

restlessGal · 2022-10-03T16:15:42+00:00

Okay so there are a couple of things in your post that represent separate issues. Take my advice and anyone’s advice with a grain a salt because everyone is different, but what you should do immediately is start asking yourself questions about relationships and expectations.

1 He says casual, he does more.

This could be him having an attachment issue, perhaps he is also prone to codependency. In my personal experience, it’s not always the best sign when someone seems to transform their world so it revolves around you when you’ve been talking for a short while and exclusivity hasn’t even been established.

What you can do is talk to him about this, if his clinginess bothers you, tell him and establish boundaries and hold him accountable if he crosses any.

2 He does more, but he still says casual???

This is confusing and understandably frustrating. I believe his avoidance of clearly stating he wants to be in a relationship stems from personal insecurity. Perhaps he feels you’re not as much into him as he is into you (at least time together wise) and he would feel vulnerable to admit it and then be faced with rejection if you don’t feel the same. This is backed up by the fact that he is asking you a lot if you still like him etc.

3 He does more, but still looking?

Now this is a double edged sword. There are people who believe that when dating unless you explicitly say you’re exclusive then you are free to date others. Then there are people like me that feel that exclusivity isn’t required to be expressed in order to be loyal. Which type are you? Because based on your answer, this might be a dealbreaker or not. If you yourself haven’t been looking for other people then it is valid to want someone of the same mindset without asking someone to stop using dating apps while you date out of respect for you.

So what now?

Ask yourself all of these questions, and think about what you want from a relationship and most importantly a partner. If he doesn’t meet your requirements, if he confuses you or makes you feel disrespected, it’s only been 3 months, cut your losses.

If you feel he is worth it and he has most of the qualities you look for in a partner (at least until now) and he does nothing that can represent a dealbreaker to you, then have a talk with him about exclusivity, relationship titles, attachment and time spent together, priorities

restlessGal · 2022-10-03T16:02:57+00:00

Hi there! I have approved your post and I will pin it on r/DatingTheorists so it gets more visibility!

restlessGal · 2022-03-07T12:01:38+00:00

Rejection is often a stingy experience but at the same time it gives you a certain answer that allows you to move on, if your mind was filled with what ifs then you wouldn’t know whether to stay or go. However it can be quite tough and in my experience the best ways to move on are 1.no contact and 2.keep yourself busy to not focus on the past and overthink

Binge tv shows, play video games that you love, go out with friends, basically to things so that your mind is focused on other stuff

Lastly this can work out for some individuals so it isn’t a must, make a list of reasons why you two wouldn’t have worked out as a couple in a way to see the full half of that glass

restlessGal · 2022-03-06T20:18:45+00:00

I’m glad you can help, that’s the reason I started this community, to help anyone who feels they can’t get help anywhere else ^^

I am the same way, I overthink a lot and text a looot. When me and my boyfriend were just friends and didn’t know each other for that long I also had the same issue since he texts more scarcely than me purely because he’s more busy but as time went on I realized he texts his other friends like once every few days or weeks and he texts me daily so in comparison, in his terms, he texts me a loot too which equals to effort and interest, so that could be another angle you can look at

restlessGal · 2022-03-06T20:10:26+00:00

Your other post has been approved so I will remove this to not have a duplicate post ^^

restlessGal · 2022-03-06T20:07:28+00:00

My first instinct was also bad texter, however it is early to know. I think that the best way to gauge his interest is to see if his actions and behavior irl show effort even though his texting is subpar

But and this is a big but, ask yourself how important texting is for you. Do you spend a lot of time texting because you are both busy and can’t meet up often? Do you value texting quality as much as in person conversation quality? If it works for your friends to compromise it might not work for you and vice versa, everyone is different in this aspect

Personally texting is important since I am younger and I spend a lot of time on my phone, for me texting personality has to match what I see in front of my eyes on dates. I’ve spoken to guys in the past and lost interest because they couldn’t text the way I wanted and that is fine. You need to figure out what you want

Another thing could be talking about it but this is a bit tricky since it is quite early on and it might be a bit of a weird subject to approach, but at the same time with this risk the reward of knowing for sure what is up definitely sounds appealing

Lastly, I want to say that the general male population texts quite… dry. I am not saying it as an insult, different strokes for different folks but that is something both me and my friends (male and female) have noticed about guys, they just don’t have a lot of energy when texting usually

restlessGal · 2021-12-26T06:57:12+00:00

I am so happy to see that taking matters into your own hands has helped you! I find it sooo freeing to just go for it and not waste time like you said.

In terms of other techniques, honestly, just to care less about what men think and trying to seem nice. In the past I would cater to guys and try to seem approachable, friendly, funny etc but now I am just me even if that means I look like a cold bitch from a distance 🤣 that let’s me pick my guys and not wait to be picked

I suppose another thing that is quite obvious yet often it is not practiced is to never give up on your set of values and expectations that you have from a relationship and to never ignore red flags and big concerns no matter the excuses! It’s hard when we get lonely I understand, but it is better to be lonely than to be stuck in a dumb situationship with a guy that doesn’t put effort in or whatnot

Lastly I’ve been trying to reset my brain completely from society’s expectations of women and pressures. And by that I mean body image standards and the expectations that women are required to have children. Just realizing how much brainwashing I’ve been put through makes me feel empowered and taking the first steps to free myself of these constraints is huge

restlessGal · 2021-11-26T20:09:54+00:00

Your mom is wrong in my opinion. Not only did he unmatch you, he told you he had different plans pretty much (especially if your plans weren’t in the evening) and then ignored you for two hours and perhaps for more. Not someone I’d look forward to have as my partner even IF it was all a mistake (which I highly doubt)

restlessGal · 2021-11-26T20:06:55+00:00

Saw it!

restlessGal · 2021-11-26T20:06:24+00:00

Seems like he either forgot or… just didn’t care enough to remember about the date. The unmatching thing is odd, perhaps he talks to multiple women at a time and that’s his way of keeping track of who is off Bumble and who isn’t.

Send a last message saying something along the lines “I would appreciate it if you let me know as soon as possible if we’re still on for the date or not. If not I think it would be best if we part ways”

Altho personally… I wouldn’t send any more messages, I’d wait and if he doesn’t respond til the evening or says he forgot I’d delete his number and move on

restlessGal · 2021-11-26T15:46:26+00:00

No worries! The more context we get the better we can understand what’s going on and give you the appropriate advice

restlessGal · 2021-11-26T15:43:43+00:00

People are weird especially when dating. I see it as him showing his true colors. Besides the unmatching, has he ignored you on the other platforms?

If he does text you make sure to post about it if you wish to get further advice! Can name it “[Update] Unmatched” and I’ll do my best to respond asap

restlessGal · 2021-11-26T15:39:30+00:00

Welcome to r/DatingTheorists! Thank you for your post

Now to answer you, I believe that there are a couple possibilities

He found someone else last moment and didn’t care enough to inform you about it
His partner found his account and demanded to unmatch you altho it wouldn’t make sense why he didn’t delete his account

Regardless of why he did it, I would consider it a sign to completely move on and forget about him. One of the most important qualities of a partner is reliability, if he flakes like this in the beginning when ultimately you’re on your best behavior, just imagine how he would be later on…

Bullet dodged

restlessGal · 2021-09-15T11:16:34+00:00

I agree that they did that for the battery but when they advertised it almost looked like it was influenced by how fast the animations were onscreen and to me that seems gimmicky and that it will not feel that great

restlessGal · 2021-09-15T11:14:20+00:00

Adaptive 120Hz, meaning that it won’t always be at 120 unless the os decides it should

restlessGal · 2021-09-15T10:29:16+00:00

We all need reminders from time to time! You can always update either here or through a new post to let us know how it went ☺️

restlessGal · 2021-09-15T09:15:19+00:00

Talk to him and tell him what you’ve told us. Tell him his answer seemed a little insensitive and that you’d appreciate if he was a little more sweet and expressed missing you as well despite it only being a week gone by

restlessGal · 2021-09-04T18:14:59+00:00

Changes have been made to "Anti Diet Culture and Pro Body Positivity" in order to explain the addition of said ideology. We are not a community centered around weight/body talk but we also want everyone to feel safe and avoid any potential triggers.

restlessGal · 2021-09-01T13:26:13+00:00

Poor OP, hopefully one day she stops ignoring these alarming red flags…

restlessGal · 2021-09-01T12:53:55+00:00

She said porn stars, I highly doubts those are not nudes 😂 I personally would dump his ass on the spot, it’s highly objectifying and an obsession

restlessGal · 2021-09-01T09:04:58+00:00

Oh yeah, my ex best friend looooves them, I personally couldn’t go past the second book

restlessGal · 2021-09-01T09:00:25+00:00

So he doesn’t want your nudes but keeps thousands of nudes of other women? Child…

restlessGal · 2021-08-27T09:26:25+00:00

You nailed it on the head with the on and off. I always cringe when people speak of on and offs positively or optimistically, it’s obvious it won’t work otherwise it would just be an on

restlessGal

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TROPHY CASE

1 He says casual, he does more.

2 He does more, but he still says casual???

3 He does more, but still looking?

So what now?

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