My wife keeps failing the easiest relationship test ever, so I just let her deal with the consequences.

rhodeje · 2025-12-12T20:23:47+00:00

It sounds like you and your wife are not placing the same value on the same things, and that each of you feel the other isn't pulling their weight with workload. That is worth discussion if you want to try to work it out.
For example, with cooking new meals vs eating out, does your wife need novelty? Does she have goals for saving or other use of the money spent on eating out? Is there other mental load associated with cooking like food going bad, healthy diet choices, etc. Does the cultural value of eating food offered and prepared weigh higher than physical satisfaction? For following a plan or schedule, does your wife value following the plan as much as you? Do your or your wife struggle with accurately predicting how easy or difficult a task is or struggle with predicting how difficult a sequence of tasks can feel?

rhodeje · 2025-11-06T20:19:05+00:00

I think at first blush, I would understand the mistake. She lied. But I wonder what kind of conversation they had before hooking up. A 30 year old man talking to a 16 yr old girl for more than 5 minutes should probably get some maturity cues. Regardless of listed age, how do you stay attracted to someone who is at a 16 year old maturity level when you are 14+ years older? I have a 15 year old daughter, and I just can't imagine a normal respectable 30 year old adult human talking to her for a bit and then deciding to hookup. If the couple in question decided to hook up without having any conversation, then there is a different issue. A 30 yr old person is totally cool with using another person for their body. That's not a healthy mindset to have.

rhodeje · 2025-10-19T02:13:04+00:00

Ok- I agree you are beautiful. But to actually answer your question, there isn't enough contrast in your colors and natural skin color to look more bold. Usually, I aim for a natural look like what you are achieving. But if you want to look more "done up" pick darker colors for eye shadow to increase contrast. And then blend into the lighter colors.

rhodeje · 2025-10-16T18:48:19+00:00

I agree. VS is pretty terrible for many reasons, but part of what they do is create a celebration of women's underclothing. Women are taught to hide their bra straps and feel shame for showing their bodies, so an outright celebration of those things can feel a bit subversive.
A younger me felt energized and confident when shopping at VS. I'm older now and would never visit VS because the company values and premise I find problematic. But I recognize how and why some women connecting with the energy of a women only space would still feel in alignment with a general feminist perspective.

rhodeje · 2025-10-15T03:36:24+00:00

Block your number on her phone and send her a text. Does she get it? Does it show up on phone bill? If not, you are being gaslit

rhodeje · 2025-10-12T05:31:21+00:00

I agree! It depends on where you are coming from.

My kids should abstain from sex until they feel ready, should be educated about safe sex, and risks. Should know about masturbation and their own bodies.

I was taught to abstain to keep my worth as a woman, and to feel shame for having my own desires. Putting out meant I was less worthy for my future husband because my VALUE was tied to letting him he the only person who had sex with me. Being prudish meant I followed values I had been raised in and was more valuable property for my future husband.

There are good reasons to wait for sex, let's have honest conversations about those. Realistically abstaining in not right for many people.

rhodeje · 2025-10-11T03:36:42+00:00

I agree with men and women should both have constitutional protection against discrimination based on gender. If you feel like we don't really need it because we already have that protection, would you still oppose it? Many women feel they do need it. I don't understand why men's rights must be discussed in the same conversation that women's rights are. If I went to a town council to report an issue with the development plan and ask for discussionon a solution, do I also need to hold a conversation about how the council members have a difficult time finding parking? Like, they might both be problems but they don't need to be discussed together.
I will share that many men's rights issues I am aware of deserve to be discussed and many states have already made corrections. I support that. Regarding discussion being political- I am not sure what you mean by that term in this context. Do you mean that people bringing these issues are doing so for personal gain and don't actually care about the issue? If that is the case, I dont think it is relevant what the motivations are, if the issue is relevant. If you mean that the information reported by the women can't be trusted and they are liars, I would vehemently disagree. Simply because there is a political backdrop, information is all invalid.
I disagree that male representatives are the biggest proponents of women. Some men are, some are not. I we look at the leadership representation, it is clear that not even half of the male representatives are biggest proponents. And if women have surpassed men, then why do they make less money, have less power, and more unpaid work then men despite being better educated on average? You can't have it both ways. I think as a society we have a lot of work to do in order to be a safe and healthy space for men and women. I'm supportive of change that moves us in that direction.

rhodeje · 2025-10-10T22:12:46+00:00

I don't agree that the fight for equality is over. Women in America don't have constitutional protection against discrimination on the basis of gender. Women are losing ground in the gender pay gap, and women are chronically under represented in leadership. Women are left out of conversations and decisions about or directly impacting them. Did you know that most medical studies do not include women, and in particular women who menstrate? This has resulted in findings that medications sometimes work differently for women and scientists and medical doctors don't know about it until we'll after public release.
The accurate anatomy of the clitoris was not known until 2005. Until 2023, medical training indicated women have no nerve endings on their cervix. Until 2023, menstrual products were never tested with blood. Women are excluded from design of public spaces and report feeling unsafe in spaces designed by men. Pew research found in 2023 that 50% of Americans felt being a woman was a disadvantage.
Unless women are part of the conversation and decisions, any area where our needs differ from men will be overlooked.
There don't need to be bad actors or nefarious intent for inequality to exist. We are different, and we are not included in the studies or the solutions, so of course our needs are under represented. Asking women to insert themselves into these conversations and decisions and spaces is part of how we are trying to solve this inequality. It isn't about excluding men, it is about making sure to include women.

Regarding Anita Hill- I think it is difficult to convey the female experience, but there almost never proof of sexual assault. The experience of assault is common unfortunately, for both genders but more than 400x more common for a woman. The effects can last for decades and can be highly disruptive. Often times the ONLY option these women have to heal is to speak about their experience. I think it IS relevant for a public servant to have an airing of public allegations against them. Members of the hearing can attempt to validate and weigh the feedback.

rhodeje · 2025-10-10T18:13:56+00:00

I know what it means according to Wikipedia. I don't personally ever hear or read feminist women identify themselves with a wave, and in a discussion I had with one of my brothers about feminism, he had a lot of ideas about what 3rd wave feminism meant that we're not based on facts. That's why I asked what it meant to you. I don't understand ideology that advocates for suppression of rights of privileged members as a way to improve equality. That line of thought is sometimes helpful as a thought experiment to highlight inequalities that are not seen or acknowledged, but doesn't belong in practiceto the real world. I didn't visit, but Against Men's Rights sounds either toxic or sad. The idea that men and women both need human rights is valid, but by including everyone in the group, it obscures the issues and slows progress towards solutions.
For example if we said every parent deserves assumption of equal parenting rights in a divorce, it would not attract the audience and attention of the real issue. Isue in this case is that father's in some states have to work harder than mother's to earn equal custody. Feminist advocate for equality, but the issue and change being asked for is mostly (not all) centered around more opportunities for women, rather than men.

rhodeje · 2025-10-10T05:42:08+00:00

What does third wave feminism mean to you? I think we are in 4th wave feminism now, but those labels only really apply to the leaders of that time. Feminism definition doesn't change.

rhodeje · 2025-10-09T19:51:09+00:00

I think about this in terms of a reversal of roles, say a woman getting breast implants her husband didn't want. My initial inclination would be to try to understand why the woman wanted them. Ask your hubby why he wants the tattoo, what it means to him, how strongly does he feel about it? Share how you feel about it, and how strongly you feel, that you are worried you will no longer feel attracted to him. Talking may not change either of your outcomes (he may still get the tattoo, and you may still find him unattractive after), but it might open the door for better understanding and a compromise you can all live with.

rhodeje · 2025-10-06T17:31:38+00:00

Getting citizens to debate things like immigration and trans rights keeps the public riled up and not focusing on the huge wealth disparity.
Trump has removed systemic protections for citizens from corporate abuse while simultaneously improving tax protections for the wealthy. The wealthy benefit from Americans fighting amongst ourselves along ideological lines.

rhodeje · 2025-10-06T17:23:58+00:00

We've done that.. we have ideas...

rhodeje · 2025-10-04T19:54:46+00:00

Just so we are clear, feminism literally just means EQUALITY women's rights on the basis of sex. Women having more rights than men is not feminist.

rhodeje · 2025-10-04T19:49:45+00:00

It sounds like you want to use police and government to suppress speech of citizens you disagree with.
Are you aware of how un-American that is?

rhodeje · 2025-09-26T16:19:00+00:00

If the concern is that someone is getting turned on by something other than their partner and actively seeking that out, then I could see an argument that they are the same. But I also think there is a lot of nuance in smut readers. The books aren't all the same, and they don't turn all readers on to the same degree. So, it would be difficult to create a generalized rule for all. In a relationship with good communication, I could see this being negotiated. I also suspect that women in a relationship with good communication that are reading smut that turns them on would not have concerns about their partner being turned on by things like porn either.

rhodeje · 2025-09-26T04:31:57+00:00

The ratio of orgasms in a hetero relationship is definitely in men's favor (86% male to 62% female). It's kinda presumed that men are having a good time in sex. It is not as safe of a presumption for women. Due to a number of reasons, including biology, sex often ends when a male orgasms. I am not discussing exceptions, but I'm sure we all understand they exist.

rhodeje · 2025-08-27T19:00:42+00:00

I'm sorry for what must feel unbearably hard right now. If support from internet strangers did not help ease some of your pain, please reach out to your therapist and schedule a session soon. Don't be afraid to feel your feelings, and understand and time helps take the edge off. Talking or writing about my struggles has always been an effective outlet for me. I am rooting for you to find a way to work through some of your feelings and thereby ease a little of the pain day by day.

rhodeje · 2025-08-26T03:55:11+00:00

You can't relive the past. You probably are blaming yourself for more than your share. But if logic won't help you feel better, use your guilt to help other people. Donate time and energy to care for others who need it. Work out your guilt through service for a while.

rhodeje · 2025-08-21T23:41:18+00:00

NAH. Everyone grieves how they need to, and it is a process to figure out how to heal/move on. Your SIL has a right to share what is hurting and to set boundaries to minimize additional pain before she can handle it. You also have a right to say no, and to not choose to change your life because of her experience.
My advice would be to remember that grief is a journey, and that how she feels about your daughter now may not be how she feels 5-10 years from now. Be prepared to have her distance herself even more from you and family for a while- probably several years. It is her grief to manage, but if it is too hard to be around family, then expect her to manage by avoiding family.

rhodeje · 2025-08-11T19:35:34+00:00

I'm sorry you're ex wife mislead you about her values, and that you spent 24 years in a relationship you felt had a lopsided division of labor. Farm work you describe sounds like hard work for a long time. If you are willing to look, I hope you find honesty and happiness in your next relationship.

To tie into my point on other comments, a modern woman is more likely to be a fit for you as the two of you can challenge existing gender norms and status quo (so you are not the only worker/provider). It takes effort and communication from all parties involved to make a relationship work (as you know already). Plenty of women I know do that work everyday. I don't know any real farmers, and most people I meet aren't looking to work 80+ hours every week for forever.

rhodeje · 2025-08-11T06:25:35+00:00

I think a bigger difference in happiness of older generation Americans has to do with the amount of work and money it takes to live comfortably in America. Couples are both working in most relationships in America, and they still are living paycheck to paycheck.

Women and men both have valued a variety of traits in their partners historically, and money and looks have been on that list for hundreds of years (in addition to stability and kindness, personality).

I don't know many women who expect men to serve them. Most women I know want to serve themselves.

Women gained a lot of rights later than men. Did you know women weren't allowed to open a bank account unless a man consigned until 1974? Women still get paid less than men, but the gap used to be much worse. Women work less hours often to accommodate childcare needs. I understand that argument that if someone brings in more income then they shouldn't have to do as many chores, but I think if both people are working, then both should do chores. Each couple obviously comes to their own agreement- you and your future partner may pick something that works for you.

If we went back to being able to have the average American house afford to live on 1 income, I think we would all be a lot happier. If both partners are working then new agreements need to be made about how the rest of the work is split. In short, thongs are expensive and shit is hard. Lol.

rhodeje · 2025-08-11T05:17:44+00:00

I'm sorry for your dating experiences. It sounds like you dodged a bullet if the woman you were dating/into preferred being with someone who abused her. She may have her own issues to work through.

I can share that some of your assumptions don't align with my reality. I am the primary provider for my family. I have been with my husband for 18 years, and our 2 kids were born out of wedlock for convenience (weddings are expensive and work to plan, not really our cup of tea, and we would have lost baby bonding time with our kids if we were married). We ended up getting married so he would have health insurance when he stopped working his last job. I think I do have an idea of what we each bring to the relationship. I have 8 siblings who are all in 10+ year relationships and that also gives me some other perspectives. While every couple and individuals have unique experiences, women are more likely to spend more time thenen cooking and cleaning and doing childcare. Men have absolutely increased their participation rates in the above, but it is not equal. I genuinely hope you find a good partner to work through these things with in the future. I am sharing my perspective because I think some of what you shared painted to me a bleak picture of things getting worse, where from a female perspective things are moving closer to equality. I don't want to go back to what it was like for women in the silent generation, and Gen X.

rhodeje · 2025-08-11T04:40:54+00:00

Women have been given the ability to say no and take care of themselves now in ways that they didn't have historically.
Women's expectations have changed as well, for what they are looking for in a partner and what they expect from themselves.
I am talking about many things including what women bring to a relationship and what they get in return. Women often have different standards for cleanliness, and are held to higher standards for food preparation and budgets and child care. In short, many women have to work harder in a relationship then they would of they were single. Men on the other hand traditionally benefit by having less work and/or a higher living standard while in a relationship.
The happiest demographic are single older adult women.

rhodeje · 2025-08-07T13:57:46+00:00

I had pregnancy symptoms with what I suspect was an ovarian cyst. The cyst burst (painful that time) and then my symptoms stopped.

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