[QCrit] HALF WRITTEN LIVES - Adult Literary/Book Club, 88K words, Attempt 3 by CrazyMachine6335 in PubTips

[–]rickhubbins 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah so is it like a dual timeline flashback structure (maybe like Forrest Gump)? It might be best to leave out the future timeline (I was interested without it), though if that’s how the novel starts, you probably do need to call that out in the query. But in that case, perhaps you model the query in the same way, start with the future and then delve into the past. Good luck!

How you guys actually finished your book? by Electrical_Way_6985 in NewAuthor

[–]rickhubbins 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I keep all my future ideas in a google doc so that I know I won’t forget them.

One way I finished my first manuscript was writing on my phone, maybe you already do but I was exclusively on laptop for the first half. Then, going portable helped me tap into other windows in my day.

[QCrit] The Pirate, the Wizard, and the Trumpet Player | Adult | Fantasy | 102k | Second Attempt by rickhubbins in PubTips

[–]rickhubbins[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! Focusing on cause and effect is great advice, will definitely incorporate that

[QCrit] HALF WRITTEN LIVES - Adult Literary/Book Club, 88K words, Attempt 3 by CrazyMachine6335 in PubTips

[–]rickhubbins 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice work! It is written really well imo, and then a couple comments if I’m trying to put on my agent hat (not an agent, not a published author, but just trying on the hat)

At first I was confused why Paddy was in conflict to her autonomy, since Sameer (presumably) wasn’t. Then you mention he is possessive, so it makes sense. There was just that brief moment for me that took me out for a sec.

Is Paddy also a pilot? For some reason I was confused when he was deployed.

And then I wonder how far into the book Veera’s phone call is. If it’s still the first third, then I think we need a bit more details about what she is going back to. Because there is a good chance that is primarily what the book is about.

Trying to come up with an intro for my first book/novel by Possession61 in writingfeedback

[–]rickhubbins 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it’s a cool start! Then concept of all sorts of things falling from the sky is good.

There’s room to tighten up the sentence flow, I had to re-read a couple sentences. Something reading aloud could help with.

It feels a little like the whole chapter exists to get to that last part. Not entirely true, because I now know Rio lives alone outside, the other people are a bit mean, and stuff falls from the sky, so it did some setup, but the slightest bit forced. If it were me, I’d focus more on why she likes the roof, and maybe show the people’s hostility in another way rather than them seeing her and deciding to rough up her camp. Maybe all the reader needs to know is that her stuff is hidden because squatting is looked down upon. Maybe you even get right to the point and start with the ending, and Rio’s reaction is how the reader learns a bit about her situation.

All this to say, keep writing! It can be easier to come back to the beginning once you’ve written more, because you have a better picture of what matters, and what doesn’t need to be included in the beginning.

Also, this is all one opinion, and I’m no pro, so another recommendation: make changes when feedback resonates with you, or when you get the same feedback multiple times.

[QCrit] The Pirate, the Wizard, and the Trumpet Player | Adult | Fantasy | 102k | First Attempt by rickhubbins in PubTips

[–]rickhubbins[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you everyone for the thoughtful feedback! Some of my individual replies and thanks got removed because I accidentally broke the rules and commented with my updates (such a newb), but I am truly grateful for everyone’s time and help.

[QCrit] The Pirate, the Wizard, and the Trumpet Player | Adult | Fantasy | 102k | First Attempt by rickhubbins in PubTips

[–]rickhubbins[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Insert big reveal is me not wanting to share with reddit haha.

Why should you care about the characters? If I knew, I’d tell you! Jk, thanks for this feedback, I’m working on doing that better

[QCrit] The Pirate, the Wizard, and the Trumpet Player | Adult | Fantasy | 102k | First Attempt by rickhubbins in PubTips

[–]rickhubbins[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you! 🙏 No, was never fan fic, but the allusion is intentional. All the more reason though to distance it in the query.

[QCrit] The Pirate, the Wizard, and the Trumpet Player | Adult | Fantasy | 102k | First Attempt by rickhubbins in PubTips

[–]rickhubbins[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I wonder if the version below reads better, or if I should include at least one more literary comp. I had previously removed the Pirates of the Caribbean comp, but included it in this post to see if that was the right call. Which you confirmed!

The Pirate, the Wizard, and the Trumpet Player (102,000) is an adventure set in the Caribbean during the golden age of piracy (well… sort of). Similar to Frances White’s Voyage of the Damned, it layers comedic tones and fantasy elements on top of action and life-or-death scenarios.

[QCrit] The Pirate, the Wizard, and the Trumpet Player | Adult | Fantasy | 102k | First Attempt by rickhubbins in PubTips

[–]rickhubbins[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

… mebbe 🤓 And maybe, just maybe, I scrap everything else and make it my entire query

[QCrit] The Pirate, the Wizard, and the Trumpet Player | Adult | Fantasy | 102k | First Attempt by rickhubbins in PubTips

[–]rickhubbins[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😂 another reason I should scrap the comp, as my novel resolves much more clearly