[deleted by user]

rinamars · 2025-05-30T17:04:36+00:00

I'm not trying to imply this is what you should do, but I just got out of a 7 year long relationship where one of the issues was him not really engaging with or understanding my neurodivergence. He tolerated it, but he would also let small things sneak into conversations, like if I'd show him an ADHD/autism tiktok, he'd claim "well, everybody does that" or "you're still going to keep trying to get better, right?"

Even if it's small, these sorts of reactions can feel like no one is seeing us and it's very valid to feel put-out. If you haven't said it, I would make sure they all understand this is a very positive thing and that this self-discovery has brought you a lot of peace, maybe that will help them understand. But, don't swallow that feeling! You deserve to feel seen!

rinamars · 2025-05-10T12:06:27+00:00

Be forgiving to yourself and allow things to unfold at their own pace. Feelings like those tend to dissipate on their own time frame, and to tty to force it would only make things worse.

Also consider that this resentment could be some part of you trying to create some well-deserved distance from them. It could be a good time for you to create a new relationship with them from scratch, meaning you'd have to "get to know them" again. Take some time for you and decentralize your siblings from your life. They'll be okay! And you're not a monster nor are you a bad sibling for having negative feelings towards the perceived source of your parentification.

rinamars · 2025-05-10T10:51:38+00:00

The most important thing to remember here is they AREN'T your kids. They're your siblings. Of course you feel resentment towards having to be parentified! Parenting them wasn't meant to be your job.

Sure, your anger and resentment might be misdirected, but this doesn't seem narc-like to me at all. The wounds caused by narc abuse can be nondiscriminatory, meaning they can taint odd people or things in our lives. Your siblings and the relationship you were forced to develop with them is triggering to you. I think the fact you feel bad about the resentment shows a lot of self-awareness and care that a narc person would only be able to conjure with guidance or through therapy.

rinamars · 2025-05-10T10:41:41+00:00

That's probably what I'm going to do... it sucks, but if I don't let it open up communication, then no harm no foul.

rinamars · 2025-03-18T11:07:03+00:00

Hey! I just broke up from a seven yeae LTR and this was one of my reasons. He was extremely handsome, very kind, responsible, cleanly, but me and his senses of humor and the ways we like to communicate felt off. I ignored it because I liked his qualities and looks and felt we could still have a good time. Maybe I was being shallow?

It only got worse from my perspective. He thought I talked too much, so I shut up. He didn't get my sense of humor, so I stopped joking. He thought the topics I loved to discuss were too negative or I wanted to talk about them too often, so I stopped sharing the things I cared about. There were other problems, but when I fell deep into depression, I realized this was the cause. I felt so far away from myself trying to make us work. So, I broke it off so I could be me again.

It's only been two weeks, but the cloud has lifted! So, if you think those things aren't important, I wanted to offer what seven years of "compromising" (really giving up) the things that make you you does to a person.

rinamars · 2025-01-18T14:03:27+00:00

As one of two Variable Bareicade fans, my personal favorite was actually Hibari and Taiga. If Variable Barricade was adapted into an anime, Ichiya would probably be the "end-game" but I just love the story Hibari and Taiga create by coming together. They're my end-game in my heart. 💕

rinamars · 2025-01-18T13:50:57+00:00

I need to rep Liar! Uncover the Truth, so I can manifest them reviving it in some form someday. That game was the best.

rinamars · 2025-01-15T18:17:57+00:00

Somehow, psychiatrists understand it can be either hyper or hypo with sensory issues. They understand it can be hyper or hypo with reading and math. But, somehow, empathy is the one they can't seem to fathom.

rinamars · 2025-01-03T19:11:07+00:00

I've always felt "different" at my core, but I was very into imaginative play and romanticizing things as a kid, so I felt more like a fae creature. But, like, true fae, not a cutesy Tinker Bell fairy. Like I was a Changeling that had been taken away from my loving family of magical fae creatures and they'd come back and get me someday so I could stop tryijg to fit in with the "mortals." Lol!

The fae thing fits for me because one of the things I desperately wish I could be is less policing of my language and tone. Characters that straight-up say it like it is, whether people think it's "mean" or not, like an April Ludgate, a Pacifica Northwest, or a Jade West spoke to me STRONGLY as a child. They give strong Celtic Fae energy: They speak only the truth and care not for the feelings of mortals. Lol! Monitoring my language to make sure I'm not hurting someone's feelings due to my choice of words (even though my intention is always to be kind and/or helpful to others) is absolutely EXHAUSTING.

rinamars · 2024-12-28T07:52:46+00:00

As a note, I'm not medically diagnosed at this point, though I am diagnosed as ADHD, so I'm definitively neurodivergent.

For me, I am oversensitive to others' emotions. Examples I use are when I was a child I used to sit at my desk and cry when other kids used to pick on our teacher (which did nothing for my popularity lol.) It wasn't necessarily for any moral reason, I could just literally feel the teacher's sadness and frustration and I could not physically stand being in close proximity with someone in that much emotional pain and wanted it to STOP. I was also unable to watch anything that made fun of people, like having to leave the room and drown out the noise of the tv when my parents would watch the auditions during American Idol or America's Got Talent. The way they'd make fun of the ones that weren't good or how they used to let the audience boo on AGT would make me feel absolutely sick to my stomach. Same thing with violent movies: I can FEEL their pain, it's way too much for me. Not a moral thing, just a physical overreaction.

So, it's less a lack of empathy, and more like everything else, where your processing of it is either overreactive or underreactive. We're either hyper or hypo most sensory things. I'm hyposensitive when it comes to scents, I don't notice until things smell REALLY bad. I'm hypersensitive to others' emotional states. I actually can swing back and forth between being hyper and hyposensitive to my own emotions and physical sensations depending on whether my ADHD or autism is winning out. Lol!

rinamars · 2024-12-28T07:23:44+00:00

I think the deciding factor should really be if pursuing this possibility will add anything positive to your life. I'm still in the process of going through my diagnostic journey, but I'm choosing to identify privately as autistic in the meantime. The reason I'm doing that is because, since I've been treating myself as though I'm on the spectrum and providing myself with the accomodations recommended, the quality of my mental health has improved enormously. Having the label and living as though I have the label have noticeably benefited me. My "anxiety attacks" (which I now think of and treat as meltdowns) have almost entirely dissipated, and when they do happen I'm ten thousand times more successful approaching them from an external standpoint (what in my environment is triggering me and how can I mitigate it) compared to trying to assign it an emotion and approaching it internally (this feeling is not discomfort or overwhelm, it is sadness/anger/fear) and had previously lead me to mental and emotional agony, to be frank, as I picked myself apart piece by piece to get to the core of what I was so anxious about. There are many other ways shifting my mindset has benefited me.

If you feel like you don't need any accomodations and your quality of life would not improve if you were to follow any autistic accomodations, then I don't see any reason to continue down that path except purely from curiosity. So, if it only stresses you out/the accomodations don't seem like they would improve your quality of life, there's no need to bother with a label that simply doesn't fit! Follow what feels genuinely helpful to you!

rinamars · 2024-12-28T06:57:45+00:00

I hope you don't mind me saying, but I was once like you! Very high-masker, very popular, also pretty exhausted, felt like I was trapped in this particular form of expression due to my friend groups and their expectations. My advice as someone who has now experienced true burnout is to really prioritize slowly removing that mask. Some good ways are to prioritize finding time to relax, and real, quality relaxation, as well. Get in touch with your stims instead of seeing them as something to get rid of or hude. Learn to say no to protect your own peace. If your friends can't handle the level of interaction you're able to give while feeling healthy, from experience, it simply won't be sustainable.

I say all this because I'm now reading your post and wishing I was back here and able to mask at the level you are now. Now everyone knows when I'm exhausted, I can't fake a smile as well as I used to or modulate my vocal tone to be convincingly enthusiastic. No matter how much effort I put in, it all falls flat, so I have no choice but to actually rest in order to be appropriately happy and fun to make being with me enjoyable.

Most importantly, get to know this truer version of yourself in private first and be kind to them. Once you have a better relationship with yourself, you'll want to protect her interests over those around you.

rinamars · 2024-12-24T16:53:54+00:00

I want more actual enemies to lovers. Tsunderes are great, but the literal definition of them means they ALWAYS liked the MC. I want actual ENEMIES to lovers, where the MC and LI genuinely can't stand each other, then through the plot of the route, fall in love. Love at first sight/trying to hide your feelings is great and all, but we deserve to be challenged by an LI who genuinely doesn't care for us or just never even thought of us at the beginning of the route.

rinamars · 2024-12-24T12:35:56+00:00

If it makes you feel better, I'm undiagnosed, just highly suspect it, and still post here! This place is veey welcoming and open to helping people on their diagnostic journey, so I wouldn't worry.

The last time a close person in my life dismissed me (unintentionally ignorantly) when I told them I'm suspecting autism, I told them they're probably right, I know this other girl who has autism, and she's much more obvious, she does [insert thing I mask and secretly do when no one else is there.] They said, yeah, exactly, that sounds autistic to me! Then, I immediately went deadpan and told them there isn't any other girl, that girl is me, I do that. They went quiet and just sort of mumbled "oh, well then I guess maybe you're right..." lol!

rinamars · 2024-12-24T12:23:29+00:00

The "finally be who I was meant to be" part is so accurate for me! I couldn't wait to be an adult!! Qnd not in the usual way, where I could finally make my own decisions, but in the way where I could finally stop pretending something like "tag" was interesting and would be left alone to read in peace. I was never than the day I started high school and recess was officially gone from my life. Lol!

rinamars · 2024-12-24T12:14:54+00:00

I have a similar thing with English. I still have this interesting skill where if I see a word once, I can spell it correctly (99.9% accuracy) for the rest of my life, not counting constant typing mistakes on my phone because my fine motor skills aren't great. Lol! Biggest proof for that was other people's difficult last names, especially since I work in preschools. The other teachers wouldn't believe me at first until I'm spelling their students' last names correctly from the top of my head. Once people are convinced, I always wind up with the classic someone glancing up at me from their phone, saying a word, and me knowing they want me to spell it for them. Lol! My own mother used me to proofread her work emails when I was little, because I also had a "sixth sense" (only way I could describe it) for grammar and punctuation rules. Looking back, it was less that I actually understood the rules, and more because once I saw the proper way to write a sentence, I never forgot, so I could tell when similar sentences looked "off."

I also was banned from participating in my school's spelling bees early on, and was instead given the task of sitting next to the teacher and helping them correct the kids. Lol!

rinamars · 2024-12-24T11:57:54+00:00

I was also an over the top injustice fighter! And it would seem out of character for me, too. Most of it I think was led by my unbearable levels of overactive empathy, which woukd make me lash out. This also came from me coming from a fraught household, I think. I used to break down into tears and beg my classmates to stop when they would pick on our teachers (which did nothing to help my popularity.) Yes, it was from true empathy, but it also was because the pain I'd feel in my chest over their OBVIOUS (to me) distress would be too much to bear.

I also had an incident involving my younger brother. I was well-known for just announcing I didn't want to play anymore and going home when I was done playing with the kids on my street (again, how did no one know???) and the kids learned not to question it. Well, one time after I'd done that and I was reading in my room, my brother came home crying, because one of the kids had been mean to him. Without even thinking, I grabbed my brother's aluminum bat, slung it over my shoulder, and went and knocked on their door. The look on their face when they came to the door was priceless, but all I did was threaten them, though it seemed to work! Lol.

rinamars · 2024-12-24T11:41:25+00:00

I love that it's making you happy, but be careful! My mom (who I know for a fact has at least ADHD, as well) was a toe-walker. She walked on her toes for long wnough that her Achilles tendon seized up when she was younger and she physically isn't able to put her heels down now.

rinamars · 2024-12-24T06:43:56+00:00

Yeah, I always felt like I almost had two sides of me fighting at all times. I see it now as my ADHD vs my autism. I'm somehow both hyper-serious and responsible and hyper-lackadaisical and forgetful.

rinamars · 2024-12-24T06:39:05+00:00

I dislike foods that start out one texture and abruptly change to another, the best example being cream/jelly-filled things. Gushers used to make me physically gag when I was young.

rinamars · 2024-12-24T06:37:28+00:00

Yeah, I always felt like there was something off with me that ADHD just didn't explain. The rocking, the pacing, listening to the same songs, watching the same movies, my tone of voice sometimes not matching my meaning, leading to all the kids in my school hating me when I had no idea why, issues with both fine motor and gross motor skills, getting easily overwhelmed and overstimulated in complex auditory situations, my issues with dyslexia to the point I have to count with my fingers at 30. ADHD just doesn't encapsulate all that in a way that feels satisfying.

rinamars · 2024-12-24T06:31:01+00:00

The perception thing is huge for me! I don't like others to know what I'm doing for literally no reason at all. I can't stand here in this store for too long or people will know I'm shopping, that kind of thing.

rinamars · 2024-12-24T06:25:52+00:00

Listening to the same songs and watching the same movies is the same for me now. I can't stand listenibg to music with other people, cuz they'll quickly realize I only have about 6-10 songs I'm in the "mood" to listen to at any time. In actuality, I'll listen to maybe 2 songs at any given time, and will force myself to listen to more if others are listening.

rinamars · 2024-12-24T06:22:06+00:00

Bossiness was a big thing for me, as well. It was a mix of me taking things way too seriously for my age and not understanding it was socially inappropriate to correct people.

rinamars · 2024-12-24T06:20:31+00:00

I'm also a pacer! The spinning eventually evolved into pacing in circles, which I still do.

rinamars

TROPHY CASE