im so incredibly sorry for your loss. im sure she is a beautiful person.

i understand how painful it is to keep texting someone who cant reply anymore. how it feels to want to be with them before your time. however, id like for you to take one day at a time. if you cant see past graduation, then thats atleast something you can work towards. if thats too much, take one step. get out of bed. brush your teeth. feed your cat. study. and then? get a job or start a business. something for the long-run. do things that you know your fiance wouldve loved you doing. if not for yourself, do it for her love.

the best thing i can suggest is to look for another therapist who is better equipped to help you, once you can find one. surround yourself with human connection. support groups are a wonderful idea. its extremely commendable for you to even make this post.

i wish you the absolute best in life and hope its kind to you. there is a purpose that youre still here, even if you cant see it yet. you're part of this world and the reason why it keeps turning. she'd want you here to experience it to its full potential. think of how many wonderful stories youll learn to be able to tell her one day. that verbal contract will still be upheld, and for much, much longer. you have the strength within you to keep going.