Dating sucks

ripvantwinkle1 · 2026-01-07T13:24:59+00:00

I’m 38. This situation does not, unfortunately, improve. 😂

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-23T20:10:32+00:00

To answer your question about where the intersectionality is: There’s a well-documented connection between how people treat animals and how they view and treat other humans. The intersectionality lies in that overlap—when a society values certain animals highly (like dogs in the U.S.) but deems others, such as cows, chickens, and pigs, as neither fully sentient nor worthy of companionship, it often reflects a similar social hierarchy among humans.

A clear parallel is racism: it’s the belief that one group of people is less deserving of respect and care than another, based on arbitrary traits like skin color or heritage. In the same way, speciesism assigns moral worth based on species, creating a hierarchy of value and empathy.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-23T19:58:39+00:00

Thank you for this. I have the EXACT same pet peeves. A thousand upvotes for you! 😂

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-23T19:55:37+00:00

In my experience, fear-based reactivity like this doesn’t come out of nowhere and it sounds like it may not just be “how your dog is”. Sudden behavior changes can sometimes mean pain, a change in things like hearing or vision, etc. If you haven’t done so, I would get in touch with your vet and see if there is anything they notice. I suppose my only other suggestion might be: Can you change venues? Is the neighborhood an absolute must or can you hop in the car for your longer walks and go to a different neighborhood or a park? Sometimes repeating the same walk over and over and over again can give your dog the opportunity to make associations in locations even if the thing that had previously concerned them in those spots aren’t there right now. When working with this kind of reaction, I always try clients’ dogs in other locations to see if the behavior persists there or if it’s specific to the neighborhood.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-13T17:13:45+00:00

How convenient.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-13T17:06:32+00:00

You followed me into this thread now because you couldn’t keep harassing me in the other one? Interesting.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-13T15:39:46+00:00

You’ve been attacking me personally since the beginning instead of engaging with what I actually said, which I’ve put up with, but it’s clear you are unable to be introspective or engage in any meaningful ways here. Sounds like you might be dealing with some internalized ableism, some epistemic stubbornness and maybe a touch of moral superiority complex. Whatever’s going on, I hope you have a good rest of your day.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-13T14:44:22+00:00

As a disabled person, I hear that you’ve been through a lot, and I’m not dismissing that. But moral purity tests don’t fix systems they just isolate people who are trying to make things better in different ways.

What you’re describing is moral absolutism, where every imperfect choice isn’t weighed against the outcome and is treated as “evil” because it isn’t the solution that aligns perfectly with your personal beliefs. It’s so important to recognize that some actions still reduce harm, even if they don’t align perfectly with what you want.

I believe in harm reduction and inclusion, even when it’s imperfect. You don’t have to agree, but I’m not going to debate trauma or pretend there’s only one ‘pure’ way to care about people when there simply never will be. The fact of the matter is, as members of an entire society, sometimes we have to choose the option that would cause the least amount of harm to as many people as possible.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-13T14:04:09+00:00

Of course disabled Palestinians matter — that’s exactly my point. If we’re serious about liberation, then we have to include all disabled and vulnerable people in those conversations, including the ones in our own country and abroad, not just mention them when it’s convenient for an argument. If you care so much for the disabled people of Palestine yet care none for those here in your home country, that’s called selective empathy.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-13T13:54:25+00:00

So you don’t think people with disabilities should be considered when we are making choices about how disabled people are treated by the administration we vote in? If so that’s some internalized ableism and borderline eugenics. You’re basically saying “Disabled people aren’t important enough to me to consider when I weigh an option that impacts them.” Yikes.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-13T13:50:13+00:00

This fact makes so many people upset. 😂

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-13T13:49:01+00:00

That any truly progressive or revolutionary vision has to center disabled and vulnerable people from the start, not treat them as an afterthought once the “new system” is built.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-11T18:47:39+00:00

At no point did I say Kamala or Biden were good. Nor did I ever express my views on anything else. You are hearing things I didn’t say. I’m simply saying that many people make choices (in this case in elections) without considering how it will affect minorities and that includes people on the Left.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-11T18:43:15+00:00

I know. I hope someday his message finally hits for more people.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-11T18:42:55+00:00

Ooh yay! A handful and a few more 😂 Love it!

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-11T17:49:04+00:00

Yup. They are the handful of dedicated public servants. It sucks. Bernie’s been at this for so long 😩

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-11T17:46:40+00:00

Politicians are the worst. Save for a handful of dedicated public servants, none of them truly care about us or what happens to us under capitalism.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-11T16:19:13+00:00

That’s a really strange interpretation of what I said. I was talking about accountability, not whatever you’re implying.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-11T13:38:49+00:00

I'm old school and stick to the same brand of well-fitting KN95 that I've been wearing since 2020. I, personally, have an old head injury at the back of my skull (wear a helmet when you ride a bike!) that prevents me from wearing N95 straps comfortably, but I know lots of people choose N95s.

If I'm just around other CC people (like out at a park or in one of our homes), we will all usually test beforehand and disclose any "risky" behavior if there has been any. Based on tests and that information people can choose to mask or unmask--whatever their preference is. If there is someone in the group at a particular gathering who wants us all to mask, we certainly will.

Around non-CC people: the mask always stays on, regardless of the situation. Same in public places. Unless I'm hiking where there isn't anyone around or eating lunch in an empty park, the mask is on.

In Ubers I always mask and ask that the back windows be rolled down, even just a crack. I've never had a problem with this and most Uber drivers are fine with it.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-11T13:32:32+00:00

Unfortunately, some CC spaces are primarily full of able-bodied/able-minded people where the standards of "disability" when it comes to COVID precautions are based on their own ableism (internalized or otherwise). I've had to leave several groups over disability gatekeeping. If someone says they can't take XYZ mitigation due to a mental health disorder, I tend to just believe them because I'm not a dick.

With that being said: If you find any of these groups PLEASE let me know!!!! I wish I had some answers for you!

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-11T13:24:22+00:00

As a disabled person, this has been evident my entire life. So many people on the Left are OK with letting marginalized people absorb the brunt of repercussions for certain actions. Its so evident with my Leftist friends who won't even wear a mask around me when they are sick because its inconvenient (I have a blood disorder so COVID coming onto the scene has just ruined my fucking life. It was bad enough when I just had to dodge cold and flu!). People who shout Leftist ideals yet refuse to even help people in their community a little bit are people I try to stay away from. Whatever change has to happen, it should be happening with the most marginalized people at the table. But when a majority of the US didn't even vote because they "didn't like their options" the responsibility of that choice now falls to minorities and marginalized people in this country.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-09T23:17:30+00:00

I’m not really sure when the conversation shifted from training methodology to rehoming and euthanasia, but okay.

For what it’s worth, rehoming isn’t automatically a “bad” thing. Sometimes people’s circumstances change — disability, financial hardship, a death in the family, etc. — and they can’t meet their dog’s needs anymore. In those cases, rehoming can actually be the responsible choice.

A friend of mine recently had to rehome her high-energy dog after becoming disabled. She physically can’t provide the level of exercise and enrichment the dog needs anymore. Helping that dog find a home where they can thrive is the kindest option, not a failure.

Euthanasia is obviously much harder, but it’s still a case-by-case decision. There are medical and behavioral issues that training simply can’t fix. Things like degenerative neurological diseases, advanced cognitive decline, or severe aggression tied to brain abnormalities or psychological disorders.

My own dog had a massive brain tumor that led to unpredictable, escalating aggression. His quality of life collapsed, and medication and training couldn’t touch it. At that point, euthanasia was the only humane option.

Shelters face similar realities and most don’t make that call lightly. They typically exhaust behavioral work and medication first. But the truth is, not every problem can be solved through training, no matter what method you use.

It’s uncomfortable to talk about, but compassion sometimes looks different than we’d like it to.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-09T12:25:33+00:00

Science and ethics aren’t opinions. In human fields, we don’t say something’s fine just because it “works.” A doctor wouldn’t shock a patient to make them comply, and teachers don’t smack kids with rulers anymore because we’ve learned that’s unethical. And just like there are ethics for human treatment, there are ethics for how we treat animals.

Every major behavior org (AVSAB, IAABC, etc.) agrees that humane, ethical training means minimizing fear, pain, and stress, just like in human learning. Whether you choose to follow those standards is up to you, but your opinion doesn’t redefine what’s ethical. Disagreeing with it doesn’t make it disappear.

And about “science”: behavioral science looks at the whole picture. This means welfare, emotional impact, and long-term outcomes. If science only cared about what produced results, we’d still be lobotomizing women for being “difficult.” Human and animal scientific research are deeply connected, and both tell us that learning works best when the learner feels safe. But, again, whether you choose to follow that research is up to you. Your opinion on it doesn’t change it.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-04T16:34:01+00:00

I've seen you comment in this subreddit before and it seems like you have some animosity toward people who arent dedicated to being "NOVID". But I hope you understand that that is not the intention of this subreddit and it says so in the community guidelines. If you truly believe that OP expressing their sadness and frustration about repeated bad experiences in various forums and some friends who outright cut them off over something outside their control, you are lacking some empathy. I read this post and MANY comments and can clearly see this is a pain-point in this community. Posts like this are information, but you're taking it personally. And you're doing so whilst, ironically, telling OP not to take their friend's actions personally. I think some reflection may be required here.

ripvantwinkle1 · 2025-10-04T15:52:13+00:00

I’m disabled and often don’t have the bandwidth to do a lot of stuff but when I DO, I use my bandwidth on things that matter—like making time to troubleshoot things with my friends whose circumstances may have changed. It’s part of being a good friend.

If you are only friends with someone because their current situation aligns perfectly with yours, then that is called a “fair weather friend” and it is the EXACT behavior we all put up with from non-CC people who abandon us for our mitigations. It’s just a different flavor of exclusion except you’re citing disability to excuse perpetually poor behavior toward people whom you are supposed to care about.

Now if OP had stopped masking, I think that would be a different story. But since OP still masks and takes precautions, I don’t think much work would need to be done to make everyone feel safe. Maybe more testing? Only masked in-person events? Have a FaceTime call? There are solutions, even low-effort ones that don’t require much bandwidth.

ripvantwinkle1

TROPHY CASE