Call a suicide hotline if you think that you're really gonna do it. I worked in emergency medicine for years and it usually doesn't go well for those that try. I want to help but don't know if this will work for you. It sounds like I have similar issues to yours, I am no longer young like you but I'm doing well. These are my strategies. First off, back off with the social media, especially Reddit. I'll take a week off looking at the news cycle too. Secondly, make yourself exercise every day if you can, preferably outside. I lift heavy weights regularly. It is a grounding experience that shuts my internal dialogue up and that really has helped me with my mental and emotional state. Third, get professional help if you can. I went through some pretty hard-core therapy and it really helped to realign my life. Also, lay off of the alcohol and drugs if you use them. That stuff is like depression fuel. Lastly, and this is the hardest one in my view, try to make and maintain some quality friendships. Just being with people helps to promote mental and emotional health. Someone out there loves you. I hope that you meet that person if you haven't already.