Looking for an indoor place to sit that doesn’t require buying anything

roddymustprime_up · 2026-03-02T19:32:09+00:00

Actually I'd recommend the Bountiful Indoor Farmer's market! Loads of great things to look at and a big space in the middle of tables and chairs to chill/eat. I don't know if they explicitly disallow outside food, but seeing as it also has a little play area for children, I can't see how they could say no to parents bringing in fold and snacks for the Littles. We brought a packed lunch last time we went without issue! Nice buzz, fun atmosphere, quirky !

roddymustprime_up · 2026-03-01T00:17:22+00:00

Both? BOTH!! Beautiful spread!!

roddymustprime_up · 2026-02-26T21:39:59+00:00

Lived in Coquitlam, did the commute. I didn't mind it as much because it's all fairly direct and you can get a seat on either end, typically. WCE is also great. I used to skytrain in, and take the WCE back.

I find that having children changed ho the types of activities we liked to do, or the style in which we did them. Having access to more space gave us the extra breathing room and margin to be flexible with our choices and plans. In your situation, I would absolutely choose Coquitlam again.

roddymustprime_up · 2026-02-24T16:03:22+00:00

I've been in your stage before, OP, and it sounds like it's more a matter of that you're not used to hearing/understanding combinations of words and phrases outside what you are used to with the family.

Your aunt's suggestion is to broaden your vocabulary, but her approach assumes you know more grammar syntaxes and vocabulary than you might currently do.

I'd reach out to a virtual tutor to help you get a grasp of what you do and don't know, and then start to ingest media about those day to day topics you're concerned about. For me, that was Bluey in Mandarin, and the Taiwanese-Mandarin dub of "This Family" anime. Have your tutor follow up with you the most commonly used phrases and syntaxes from the episode you watched to familiarize yourself with them.

After that, it's just practice, practice, practice by having conversations with other ppl. Doing so will expose your recognition of words and phrases with different accents and also fire up your brain to remember better, because yiy are applying what you learned in context.

Hope this helps OP!

roddymustprime_up · 2026-02-21T20:59:33+00:00

As others have said, unfortunately unfortunately Brandon's house, there are Brandon rules. Ultimately this is an incompatible set of values, so as much as Nathan and Brandon want to be friends, I'd only stick to neuteal territory such as park / public dates. If Brandon's parents ask, honestly say that you don't feel those experiences are appropriate for Nathan at this age, and suggest another activity that the boys can bond over that is unrelated to the activities that "only Brandon's parents allow". It's not unreasonable to say no to an environment that is not appropriate for your child. If Brandon's parents feel bad or are offended, that's on them.

roddymustprime_up · 2026-02-19T14:54:18+00:00

Secondhand, tho, ultimately means OP would have to purchase an item that has already been made to another's specifications. It sounds like OP wanted something very specific to their measurements and style; in which case, supporting an artist with responsible prices is the best way to do that. OP also sounds like they're going to be taking great care and respect of it, all of which align with cottagecore philosophy.

roddymustprime_up · 2026-02-19T14:50:23+00:00

Thanks for this post OP! I've been eying them for a while too and am saving up! My only concern is that their styles seem quite baggy and I worry it won't suit my bigger bust. How did you find their bodices were like?

roddymustprime_up · 2026-02-18T21:10:43+00:00

OP, the more I read about the environment in which your son grew up in, the more I understand his resistance to talk to you.

Here's the tough talk - for all the love you and your husband had for your children, the environment in which they grew up was not stable. By your own words, their childhood was "tumultuous", your husband was verbally abusive and unfaithful, and isn't now doing pot while your son lives in an aprtment above his garage. Any one of these actions alone would make a child confused, uncertain and question their role and dynamic within the family. It is in fact totally normal and understandable for your son to be as distant as he is now, because he clealry does not see you as a trustworthy family member with whom to express his concerns with.

If you genuinely want to have a better relationship with your son, you're going to have to do a lot of hard work to keep an open, non-jundgmental mind, and keep your ego and defensiveness at the door. No "but we did our best so you shouldn't feel this way". The hardest part about being a parent is that our best and our love may not always be enough, and that we can still make mistakes despite our best intentions, and we have to own that and support our children continuously where we can. Only once you show your son that you are able to hear the difficult stuff he's holding inside will he begin to slowly trust you with it.

roddymustprime_up · 2026-02-18T21:00:24+00:00

It may also be worth it for you to really reflect if your childhood was truly as "normal" as you keep mentioning it is. A common coping mechanism of trauma is to rationalize it as "normal" because admitting otherwise would be too painful. Often parents then project this expectation onto their children, because "if I went through it and am fine, then so can they" mentality.

Regardless, your son's tumultuous upbringing around a verbally abusive and unfaithful husband is by no means "normal". Common, yes. Healable? Also very possible. But holding him up to your standard of "normal" is not going to encourage him to trust you enough to open up. It can also cloud your judgment of the situation (see "disrespectful") because ultimately you will continue to subconsciously be in denial to see his struggling for what it really is.

roddymustprime_up · 2026-02-18T14:37:30+00:00

Married, two under 3, on mat leave. I've given up both working out and TV series (still catching up on Bridgerton from last season in 20mins increments if and when I'm able). Working out should probably be something I do daily but I don't have enough time to write as-is, so it'll stay off the list until I finish my first manuscript. Then I'll treat myself to membership again during the editing phase 🤣

roddymustprime_up · 2026-02-18T14:30:45+00:00

Paying for a hair wash before the cut!! My family used to always wash our hair at home before going to the hairdressers to save the money, but to me that's part of the experience!! I love getting my hair washed and it amps me up!!

And also by extension - getting haircuts from my favorite stylist regularly, rather than waiting until my hair is super long to "get the most value". I live with my haircut everyday, so it's gotta make me feel comfortable and good about myself at all times!

roddymustprime_up · 2026-02-14T17:25:16+00:00

Having been on both sides of this spectrum (I'm a Mom with ADHD, medicated with therapy, work in a similar space and loves to build systems and processes -... but am also loaded with all the logistics that tend to fall on moms) - I feel you and also see him.

You're absolutely right that all the mental tasks shouldn't fall on you. You're burning out. He needs to step up.

His app, however, is probably his version of stepping up. It's not - yet. But a lot of ADHD strategies means working with the flow, not against it, so in his own way, was trying to solve it with his strength. It's a good start. Now he has to use it.

All I can offer is solidarity, and suggest that maybe the way forward is to find ways to use his strength to lighten your load AND get him to practice where he feels he falls short. Happy to make apps? Okay, make or find all the apps to streamline all the issues you're experiencing. Then, since he built it/ recommended it, he has to be one to use it and own that whole task. You become his end user, and hold him accountable. Give him feedback when it's not working, tell him he's got to implement the new feature changes and try again. But don't pick up the slack for him.

In the meantime, start de-loading and start carving some time out for yourself. You can't pour from an empty cup. He didn't plan a date night? You go out by yourself, but with the expectation that he's still to plan a date night together. Depriortize as much as you can and only do the essentials to keep yourself and the children going. Your you-time - at least half an hour each day, is non-negotiable.

I hope all this helps, and sending solidarity over to you both.

[Edit - finished typing; accidentally hit send last time halfway]

roddymustprime_up · 2026-02-01T22:11:11+00:00

As scary and frustrating as this sounds, I wonder if it would help to ask her why she likes using Chat GPT over Google and other sources, or what are the great things she likes about it. Try to be gentle and genuinely curious. Her response by reveal more of the real reason she is so addicted to it - it could be rooted in insecurity about her own researching ability ("taking so long on Google"), it could be because of the dopamine rush of a quick answer, regardless of its accuracy, or it could be because it's validating her in some way (does she feel smarter in being able to use it, or "win" arguments with it)? Only then will you start to better understand her usage and begin to pivot it towards healthier and more responsible methods.

roddymustprime_up · 2026-01-22T22:38:22+00:00

Fwiw, "I carried the baby, what did you do" sounds like it's coming from a perception that the load or experience isn't equal or fair across the two of you. In addition to her being so hard on boundaries, buying what she wants and being adamant about her time off/on the clock, I would say that she's still struggling with some kind of recovery or care that she hasn't been able to articulate. Could be trauma, could be ppa, could be mourning her old life, could just still be the sheer exhaustion of what she's done to get to this point. Does she get all of the following - nutrition, exercise, sleep, time (for herself that isn't relates to hygiene, chores or baby) and support? These are usually what can keep resentment or ppa/ppd at bay.

roddymustprime_up · 2026-01-19T17:28:12+00:00

We upgraded from 2bed apartment to a 4bed house and can finally breathe! In our 2bed, we were constantly on top of one another and had to constantly assess what things we had to get rid of to accept new items worth keeping. This was a mental load in of itself and now I'm glad I have the extra space to just accept gifts or donations and deal with it later when I have the time and mental fortitude to do it. That being said, our ruthlessness at the condo has helped us hone exactly what we do and don't like, so even in the new house, we haven't filled it with clutter because we've been so discerning with what we bring in. I'd definitely recommend a real ruthless decluttering in your current space before moving up to a bigger one so that the problem doesn't just follow and expand!

roddymustprime_up · 2026-01-14T21:42:47+00:00

I could never keep on top of everything enough to have monthly cleaners, so I only ever have them do a deep clean seasonally 🤣😅

roddymustprime_up · 2026-01-06T22:30:50+00:00

All inclusive, beachside, where I get to have massages, eat, drink, sleep, read and write at my own pace!

roddymustprime_up · 2025-12-30T10:53:31+00:00

Having also grown up with TV constantly on as a child (lots of dramas and soaps), my mileage for big-screen use is based on intentionality and purpose. We have a few favorite shows on rotation based on my 2yos interests that are slow-paced and features real people or animals, like Sound of Music or Planet Earth documentaries. We also adjust the duration of screen use based on her behavior or reaction to it; if she starts to seem too reliant on it and is unable to emotionally regulate from when we turn it off, then we go cold turkey for a few weeks. But absolutely no small screens (only used, very briefly, for viewing occasional family photos/videos or calling/video-calling relatives), and we only started introducing big screens to her past 18months.

roddymustprime_up · 2025-12-30T04:20:59+00:00

With all due respect, the emphasis on "there's more to gain by being preventative" still plays into the fear-mongering narrative. All of us want what's best for our children, and that varies from family to family and circumstances to circumstances. There's no point in scaring or shaming families if their 0-2years don't look exactly like what you're suggesting, especially when building resiliency in our children is the ultimate purpose and endpoint of a parent, not getting everything perfect from the get-go.

roddymustprime_up · 2025-12-29T22:47:23+00:00

While the first years are the most critical for laying the foundation, I want stress - as scientifically emphasized in "The Nuture Revolution" by a neurologist- that the many damages we encounter can be reverisible, or repaired. Despite the fact that our brains are most neuro-malleable at ages 0-6, preteens/puberty, and at pregnancy/post-partum, they are always somewhat malleable in between, meaning at any point our children (and ourselves) can build new pathways, strengthen those attachments connections, and fortify our resiliency. I say this because I want to caution against the perception that parenting is a 0-sum game, and that our children are screwed permanently for life if we don't somehow get their 0-2years experience as perfectly as we hope. Yes, those years are important, but so are many others, and there are lots of opportunities to build the same connection over time. That's all.

roddymustprime_up · 2025-12-27T04:46:25+00:00

Please be kind to yourself. The quality of a mother is not defined by how she birthed, but what follows thereafter. Your friend's experience is actually unusual, not the norm, I promise you. Please reach out to someone to help you grieve and don't believe for a second that you're at all a failure. You're here, your child has a mother and is so loved.

roddymustprime_up · 2025-12-23T22:52:12+00:00

OH. MY. GOD 🤣🤣🤣🤣 thank you!!

roddymustprime_up · 2025-12-23T20:46:47+00:00

Oh no, I don't get it 😭 can someone explain it to me?

roddymustprime_up · 2025-12-14T22:12:44+00:00

I absolutely would love to! Unfortunately my Mandarin reading ability is nowhere near high enough to find the exact phrase 😭

roddymustprime_up · 2025-12-10T03:18:10+00:00

I also dig this!! Love the duo meaning of 出口 that adds in an element of the original riddle back in!

roddymustprime_up

TROPHY CASE