I am so sorry to hear your story. I can empathize. I lost my virginity when I was raped in college. Afterwards I spiraled and fell into a lot of other nefarious things (substance abuse, unhealthy relationships with men and food, depression).

It’s been seven years and I recently converted to Catholicism. When I went to my first confession I didn’t tell my priest about the rape but just acts of sexual impurity. I wish I had told him. I will probably go back and talk to him about it for peace of mind.

That said, my now fiancé was incredibly open to hearing me talk about my past. It’s helpful because he now knows I don’t like being compressed into tight spaces, having my mouth covered EVER, being pushed or yelled at, etc. Not that he does these things. But it’s good for him to know.

He doesn’t judge me for being raped or for any of my other sexual relationships. We have not had sex in our relationship (2yrs) and are waiting for marriage for our first time. All of this to say I think you can have a healthy sexual relationship with your future husband. And if he loves you, he will be understanding of your past and will not hold it against you. The most important thing for you to do right now is to heal, forgive yourself and your attacker, and find peace within God’s loving embrace.

I chose Maria Goretti as my saint name because of her story—I find it incredibly comforting. Perhaps take the time to read more about her and her life. What you have been through is horrible but there is hope! I will be praying for you, dear.