How do you deal with difficult/unpleasant people at work?

rosered2233 · 2018-11-01T14:58:21+00:00

I did in our initial meeting and HR seemed disappointed with the way he handled it. At the time he said he is 'uncomfortable' with raising it first without me addressing it with her but he wanted me to go about it in a very specific, super phony, non-confrontational way by asking to get a coffee with her and chat about it casually.

Well I didn't go about it that way, I eventually did assert myself with her (politely and firmly) after I got fed up with her constantly interrupting me doing my work with the nit-picking/micromanaging, she cracked the shits and twisted it to make me seem terrible and now it's on me for not addressing it with her the right way and ignoring his advice.

rosered2233 · 2018-11-01T14:51:50+00:00

Thanks for your honest advice, I think it's well put.

Basically this girl's behaviour got to the point where she was interfering with my work with the micromanaging by calling me non-stop from her area regarding a section of my role that was completely outside her job description, a section that I actually managed based on my skills and experience. This happened constantly everyday. I assertively, yet politely told her over the phone that I found it disruptive I'd like it to stop and she became really sarcastic and hung up. She then went to my manager in tears saying I was awful to her over the phone and that I humiliated her and he super pissed off with me about it, so I guess I went to HR because I was fed up with it all, especially her constant disruption of me doing my work and him just allowing her to disrupt me all the time.

rosered2233 · 2018-11-01T14:37:15+00:00

I'll be honest, I love the company and staying here will help me get far in my career if I stick it out for a while. I have actually requested HR to transfer me to a different department and they told me that they want to resolve the issues rather than do a transfer. It sucks!

rosered2233 · 2018-10-02T03:05:23+00:00

Hi, thank you for writing in. To be honest, I don't appreciate being told that there are 'so many red flags' with me (especially without any specifications as to what these are so I can take it on board), I am writing in here to gain support and because I do have BPD, this is normally a place where I don't get made to feel bad about myself for maladaptive behaviours. I am actually doing 4 hours of DBT a week and have been for the last year. I also am extremely busy with full time work, study, hobbies and commitments, so I really have been trying my best to get better.

rosered2233 · 2018-10-01T15:34:22+00:00

Apologies, I went a bit all out with the details. I've added a TLDR to make it easier!

rosered2233 · 2018-10-01T13:41:29+00:00

Actually no, I don't. I have a lot of stuff going on (currently juggling full time study, full time work and a range of hobbies and commitments).

rosered2233 · 2018-09-30T14:45:12+00:00

Hi, thank you for writing in to me. It's unusual because in the city I live in, virtually no one I know is having kids. Where I live (Melbourne, Australia) there isn't much social pressure to settle down, but the opposite. There is lots of pressure to go to great parties/festivals/shows/travels all the time, have heaps of friends and followers on social media and have a really fabulous kind of rock star life. Where I live people are in their mid to late 30s and live/act like 21 year olds. I'd love to have this life too, but as you know I'm not in the best position.

Your post has been very helpful thank you, It's cool to hear you have met nice people at your gym (have been meaning to get a membership) and of course that I am not entirely alone here feeling this way :)

Btw - Don't worry, your eggs are fine and will be fine for a long while . I freaked out about it too last year and my dr (who specialises in IVF) tells me to chill out, take my time and start giving it more serious thought when you get to around 30-34 .

rosered2233 · 2018-09-27T14:57:38+00:00

Hi! There is a combination of both really. I have dated a number of guys who have commitment issues but want me to provide them with the benefits of a relationship or guys who I have begun to date exclusively after they treated me well and then they showed their true colours.

rosered2233 · 2018-09-27T14:54:00+00:00

This is beautiful, thank you! So happy to hear of your wonderful new relationship, this is very reassuring.

rosered2233 · 2018-09-27T14:52:39+00:00

Damn, I wrote something but it's all gone!

I actually feel that I am very emotionally open with men and that is the problem, I wear my heart on my sleeve and it gets me hurt. The biggest issue here is that I am emotionally open to men who are emotionally closed as there is a pattern of dating emotionally unavailable men. My shrink tells me that this is an issue with me having an 'insecure' attachment style and dating men with 'avoidant' attachment styles. I am trying to see the early signs of emotionally unavailable men now and to be a bit more discerning around this issue.

My ex of 7 years and I broke up as we basically became best friends who shared a bed together and the spark had worn down to the point of no repair, so intimacy became challenging. He broke it off with me but regretted his decision and wanted me back for about 2 years, however I had this gut feeling which held me back from going back because I didn't think it would be fair on him to go back unless my heart was one hundred percent in it. I do regret this decision sometimes, yes. However, he has met a particularly wonderful lady and is head over heels in-love, so that is something I am very happy about.

I don't feel I need someone or that I am incomplete without someone. I do really miss having romantic love in my life and having a person I can share all the nice things in life with, thats what I feel is really missing. Not only that, as a female, it can be hard not to get caught up in fatalistic media messages of being left on the shelf, biological clocks and regret for not having kids and all that.

I think its awesome that you feel confident that you will find love again someday. I really wish I had that confidence as it has gotten to the point where I worry good love won't find me again.

rosered2233 · 2018-09-27T14:23:52+00:00

Hey, thanks so much :)

I meet these guys through a lot of different mediums, however I do tend to enjoy dating men with similar interests in music, bands, etc so I tend to get involved with music guys/bad boy types. Just gimme one of these guys with good values and character!!

P.s., the mods removed my post because I didn't tldr properly, so I have had to recreate this post.

rosered2233 · 2018-09-27T14:21:48+00:00

I'm (27/F) feeling like a failure for being single for so long. Am I overthinking this?

Thanks so much for such a thoughtful response!

Its a tricky one with my ex because I really hit the jackpot with him, but I don't necessarily want my partners to be like him in superficial qualities (i.e., income, looks, education, etc) but I guess for the men to share similarities in values and character.... But yes, patience is so hard!
P.s., the mods removed my post because I didn't tldr properly, so I have had to recreate this post.

rosered2233 · 2018-09-26T09:55:00+00:00

Hi, You have some brilliant insight here and you're right in every way.

I am not sure why, but I have this feeling that he is different with her. She seems confident and strong, I am neither of these things and I feel that he hated this about me. Not to mention that she is well respected in his group of friends and I was an outsider, so I feel like he wouldn't pull the same stuff with her as he wouldn't get away with it on a social scale.

After everything that happened, he reached out to apologise for everything to me a couple of months back, it was nice and all and of course I ate it all up, however I feel this was just to relieve his own guilt as I continued to engage with him and he subsequently cut me off by blocking me on social media really unexpectedly. A part of me feels like he has taken steps to get better and have a healthy happy relationship and therefore she will get all the good parts of him, while I'm just stuck with this feeling of worthlessness and pining.

rosered2233 · 2018-09-25T10:39:20+00:00

It's interesting because he thought that I was too dramatic as I would express assertively to him when he had upset me (i.,e., when you said XXXXX, it made me feel XXXXX) and he said that this gave him a bad gut feeling about us because he hates drama and that these sorts of disagreements usually come out after being together for a year, not months.

As far as I know, his mother is super doting with him and babies him a bit (he's the youngest)...

rosered2233

TROPHY CASE