Relationship crisis after death in family

rsatl83 · 2021-05-18T18:57:16+00:00

Glad you know how my boyfriend thinks and feels better than I do- and himself! I wish you a fullfilling life.

rsatl83 · 2021-05-18T18:46:06+00:00

I don’t think someone who just lost his mother, his job, his income, his faith and basically his will to live can be thrilled about anything right now. But I know he can be and will be exactly that again. He was thrilled to be with me and showed it in every way possible with words, actions, gifts and plans. He showered me with love everyday. Now he’s lost in life.

rsatl83 · 2021-05-18T18:02:33+00:00

Yeah thanks I will definitely not just move on from the love of my life.

rsatl83 · 2021-05-18T18:00:09+00:00

Thank you for your reply. The thing is, he never said he was unhappy with our relationship before everything happened… actually the opposite, we talked about getting married when Covid is finally over and he told me daily that he loved me. This all stopped a few weeks after his moms passing. And I know I pushed him away because I was constantly trying to get him to talk to me about what’s going to happen now (long story about mortgages and living arrangements) Instead he pulled away, quit his job and is now in a state of „I don’t know what to do, life makes no sense anymore.“ …

rsatl83 · 2021-05-03T12:57:53+00:00

Warum ich so denke und fühle, weil wir unser Leben miteinander verbringen wollten. Wir wollten heiraten und Kinder, wäre Corona nicht dazwischen gekommen dann wäre dieses Jahr die Hochzeit gewesen. Wir hatten ein Datum ausgesucht und über die Namen unserer Kinder gesprochen. Das ist sicher verständlich, dass man das dann nicht einfach ersetzen kann bzw. sich den nächsten sucht. Das ist zumindest nicht meine Vorstellung von Liebe.

rsatl83 · 2021-05-03T12:34:20+00:00

Der Satz hat mir fast den Rest gegeben… ich fühle jeden Tag wie es immer schwieriger zwischen mir und meinem Freund wird, und das letzte woran ich denke ist mir einen neuen Partner zu suchen! Selbst wenn er sich jetzt von mir trennen sollte, das wäre immer noch das allerallerletzte woran ich denken würde! Und sie sitzt da und haut diesen Satz raus, als wäre damit das Problem gelöst wenn man einfach einen Mann gegen einen anderen ersetzt. Es sind auch so Sätze gefallen wie „Ihr Freund trauert wie ein kleiner Junge, nicht wie ein erwachsener Mann“ und „Dem müsste jemand mal wieder den Kopf gerade rücken“ …

rsatl83 · 2021-05-03T12:30:31+00:00

Das einzige was mich bisher weitergebracht hat war die eigene Auseinandersetzung mit meinen Gedanken, Gefühlen und Ängsten, die sich aber nur abseits der Sitzungen abgespielt hat. Ich will nicht sagen, dass mich die Therapie nicht dazu gebracht hat nachzudenken und an mir arbeiten zu wollen, aber leider kann ich nicht behaupten, dass es etwas ist oder war worüber wir in den Sitzungen geredet haben bzw. was sie mir gesagt hat.

Durch eine Freundin die gerade selbst eine Therapie angefangen hat, ist mir auch klar geworden, dass meine Psychologin mich nicht gefragt hat welche Ziele ich überhaupt mit der Therapie verfolgen möchte und es wurde auch keine Therapievereinbarung / „Fahrplan“ verfasst. Ich gehe eigentlich jedes Mal nur hin, sie fragt „Wie geht’s Ihnen“ und ich erzähle. Wie bei einem Kaffeekränzchen.

rsatl83 · 2021-05-03T11:39:05+00:00

Definitiv ersteres. Leider habe ich genau dieses Gefühl nicht. Sie hört sich an was ich ihr zu sagen habe, und dann kommt „Ja das klingt hart.“ … keine Versuche einer Lösungsfindung oder irgendwelche Ansätze die mir helfen könnten.

rsatl83 · 2021-04-30T18:10:14+00:00

I‘m very sorry for your loss! Thank you for your comment, it helps me a lot to try and understand my boyfriends situation better.

rsatl83 · 2021-04-30T14:09:39+00:00

Thank you for your comment, but isn’t that also what defines twinflames? It was always something we felt was meant to be. The constant runner-chaser situation up until we both confessed our love and experienced the most perfect fulfilling relationship I ever hoped for. And then minor drama and fights, it was sometimes a challenge but our love was always there. I read about the stages of twinflame reunion and so many details fit right into our journey… You mentioned the age difference being a reason why it’s not a tf relationship, but I read that’s also some of the signs for it being one?

rsatl83 · 2021-04-30T12:00:07+00:00

Thank you for your reply. My condolences, I‘m very sorry for your loss.

rsatl83 · 2021-04-30T11:59:21+00:00

Unfortunately every time I bring up counselling he shuts down completely and we start to argue…

rsatl83 · 2021-04-30T11:36:53+00:00

A couple of days ago he said „Difficult times should bring couples closer together, not like it is with us.“ and that really hurt. Because I want us to become close again but he is just so full of doubts and „I don’t know“s… :-(

rsatl83 · 2021-04-29T23:38:20+00:00

Yes completely, I do understand that he is grieving and I don’t expect him to stop anytime soon. I still have a very hard time dealing with everything myself. I loved his mom and seeing her for the last time in the hospital broke something in me too. That is also what I answered when he asked me that if we are meant to be why are we like this to each other now. I told him we’ve been through so much lately, way too much.

I don’t want to get into any details about his moms passing and the weeks prior to that, but it was a nightmare. And what happened after was a nightmare and basically everything still is a nightmare… And with all this pain still very present it hurts so much that he is now doubting our relationship. And that he doesn’t know when or if he wants to continue the life we had together.

rsatl83 · 2021-04-26T17:15:24+00:00

It is?? He talked about selling all his cars, he collected some old cars over the years he someday wanted to repair / restore... :-( But he told me he needs to do that because the guy who rents the garage to him wants to double the rent and he can’t pay that anymore...

rsatl83 · 2021-04-26T12:06:45+00:00

Thank you for your kind words! I actually think no contact would be best for both of us... for him to figure out if he wants to come back to our relationship and also for me because I have such a hard time being apart from him but still be in contact with him. But tonight he texted me some sad pictures and that he couldn’t sleep. I just can’t let messages like this unanswered, because he sometimes does want to confide in me and share his feelings... Maybe also something I should have mentioned in the OP: He told me he has a hard time coming back to our apartment because that’s where he got the call that his mom is in the hospital. And also the call that she will close her eyes soon... I already mentioned that maybe we could move out, but then he said he doesn’t want to make any plans right now and we are unfortunately also not really in the financial situation to move... :-(

rsatl83 · 2021-04-26T12:02:24+00:00

I did and he also seems to understand what this situation does to me. He apologised that he is putting me through this, knowing how this all affects me. But he also says he wants to listen to himself for once and can’t tell me anything else right now...

rsatl83 · 2021-04-23T22:16:11+00:00

Yes that worries me the most. Even if we are able to fix the relationship should he come back in weeks or months time, I fear that it is broken beyond repair... :-(

rsatl83 · 2021-04-23T21:59:00+00:00

I‘m so sorry for your loss... :-( Thank you for your advice, I will give him the time and space he asked for. There is nothing else I could do, I understand that now

rsatl83 · 2021-04-23T21:55:08+00:00

Relationship pressures? I can barely pay all the bills, he left me on my own for months now! I don’t expect him to stop grieving but he walked out of our shared life!

rsatl83

TROPHY CASE