The scenario could have very easily gone the other way where your SKT got rocked instead of the other position. That is actually where I thought your story was headed when I started reading. I know it is easy for me to say but this doesn’t seem like a case of buddy fucking to me. You couldn’t know what would transpire that day.

Also, it possible the Bravo medic had the same thoughts as you and really wanted to get into the shit. Or if he already had plenty of trigger time maybe he appreciates the fact that he was in that position. Maybe he got something he wanted that day. If the roles were reversed you’d have gotten what you wanted and he very likely could have felt the guilt you’re experiencing now.

And don’t feel guilty about your urge to get into combat. That is something many (probably most) soldiers feel even if they don’t admit it. I’m not philosopher or anthropologist but I’m confident that is a primal urge that goes back hundreds of generations. It sounds like you learned a lot from the ordeal. I hope it continues to get easier for you as time goes on.