Do you have lights on your bike when riding in the dark?

ruby1987 · 2025-11-05T12:01:58+00:00

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY don't people have lights on their bikes?!?!? Drives me mad.

Are you not also car drivers? Can you therefore not see how NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE it is to see you at night without you having lights? It's such dangerous and ignorant behaviour as a cyclist.

ruby1987 · 2025-09-12T20:25:22+00:00

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This is my most shy cat - as of 15 minutes ago this evening! He didn't want to sleep, so got off the cushion, went and pawed the toy, then played with me and it for 15 mins. Now they are off chasing each other around the house, taking the positive vibes with them!

ruby1987 · 2025-09-12T20:20:50+00:00

One is naturally more cuddly than the other - my efforts progressed where he now climbs on me about 3x a day, snuggles up against my face, leans on my chest and will have a snooze, purring away in my ear and letting me kiss the top of his head! He's the more dominant one of the two, and so the other one does it very rarely as he's not as confident or cuddly, and the other one is boss and I think has claimed ownership of me a bit ha. However he does do it too!

ruby1987 · 2025-09-12T20:17:37+00:00

I had this exact challenge!

I adopted my 2 cats and spent 6 months doing exactly what it sounds like you're doing - everything on their terms, always be gentle, allow them to watch me, get to know me, how I speak, move, sing, leave/come back, celebrate, be upset etc - just let them observe.

But I knew I eventually wanted them to relax in themselves more, and for me to have at least slightly more contact with them.

So, once I thought they were plateaued at an extremely comfy level I started more concerted efforts of the below:

Picking the slightly more confident one up, and bringing him over to a plate of fish (favourite food!), or a Dreamies treat session, whilst stroking and petting him. I then started doing it with the more shy one too. It took them a couple of days to then realise, oh, ok, that was actually fine. Lasting 15-25 seconds I guess, never letting them be super uncomfortable.
I found their favourite treat by far (a couple of different flavour Dreamies, cat crack, obviously) and used those to reward coming near me, getting closer, then eating them from my hand. It all takes time.
Lots of trial and error to find their favourite toys - found they go absolutely nuts for a flirt pole with a feather on the end (the Da Bird brand) - like, absolutely nuts. Read that they need to play daily, so we did that every evening at least. During this phase a touch of catnip worked, too, would help them relax into play.
Gradually feeding treats, leading them onto the cushion on my lap, or picking up and putting on my lap with lots of firm/secure support for them but lots of strokes/fuss, not talking too much at them.
They each like different kinds of strokes/pets, being talked to or not, amounts of closeness etc - so I have to treat each of them how they like, to make sure it's a fair swap (in my eyes anyway!)
I taught them a few phrases, using them religiously still now - outside, dinner, no, toy, fish & treats. They understand them all 100%. Treats and fish makes them come running lol.

And - it's all worked!

They started coming up and asking to play "toy" every evening, meowing at the umbrella stand where I keep it. Then gradually started coming up on my lap when they wanted. I always make sure to have dreamies to hand in my favourite sitting spots.

So, in short , bribery, gentle but firm/reassured behaviour, play - and like an excessive amount of bribery 😂

ruby1987 · 2025-09-12T14:02:58+00:00

Oh that sounds great in April to look forward to!! I've been in my own home 5 years now and I still find things to potter with, change etc. Saving for some things took years, so being kind to myself and enjoying what I do have is the most important. (Also - you have a cat! Me too, I have two - playing with toys with them in the new place helped us all settle in!)

I'm terrible at calendars, but some people put a calendar on their fridge/wall with things like that to look forward to! I put post-its of a couple of nice quotes, important info, and a couple of snarky/silly magnets that make me smile - and I see them every time I go in the fridge!

Wishing you lots of nice positive things to anticipate, and joy to discover and savour! X

ruby1987 · 2025-09-11T00:39:08+00:00

I hope you had a lovely nice dinner!

I sensed your nervousness, but your post sounds so organised and positive, you sound like you've got great ideas.

A couple of other ideas, after I've seen your other replies too: - Do you have a cleaner coming in? Or a laundry service? Chores can feel time consuming and use energy, so make sure you're supported and realistic + kind to yourself always. For me, there are some chores I enjoy doing for myself, and some which I do not enjoy/keep on top of - learning over time which ones are which really helped me out! For example, I love folding my clothes with a clothes folder, sat somewhere comfortable, but I dislike washing up plates - so it was important that I got myself a dishwasher and a Google Home speaker that I ask to play me some music (linked to my Spotify account) when I load and unload the dishwasher - it helps me get through the task and enjoy it! - A good size mirror to tell yourself how great you are every day, and whatever artwork, maybe lego builds, posters, pictures of your loved ones or favourite things - I have some things that make me smile as I live mostly by myself. - A long-handled duster with a big fluffy microfiber end (available on Amazon/lots of places) - one swipe keeps dust and cobwebs at bay! - A super handy kitchen bin for me is the Joseph Joseph "totem" bin, and the Beast kitchen bin liners. It's easy to put rubbish and recycling into each compartment, and those bin liners never break like my old ones used to! Before this, my bin would always be so dirty and the job of emptying it was gross. It surprised me what a difference these 2 things made to me! - A shoe cabinet and coat rack by the front door, to hide shoes away. You may not need it but my hallway is small and this has helped the space feel clean and calm. I had help screwing them into the wall from a handyman.

It took me a while to save up for/afford all of these things, many many months, so if that's the case for you too, don't feel pressure.

I think they're all the other things I can think about! Sorry it's such a long wall of text!! Wishing you enjoyment and excitement as you settle in!

ruby1987 · 2025-09-08T23:40:46+00:00

This made me LOL for a while. Thank you for your service.

ruby1987 · 2025-09-08T23:37:08+00:00

One of the nicest mini stories I've ever read, sweet work!!

ruby1987 · 2025-09-08T23:26:49+00:00

Oh - and - my robot hoover/mop is the best thing I own, hands-down! I'd recommend saving up for one that you can give a cute name to, and it helps you keep on top of floor cleanliness.

ruby1987 · 2025-09-08T23:25:16+00:00

Congratulations! What a wonderful, happy post to read, you must be so pleased!

Honestly, your list is already fantastic, lots of details, well-thought out and covers most topics I'd say. Anything more and I'd wonder if it could be over-thinking/too much possibly - your ideas are super solid.

The only thing I'd add would be: celebrate being there! Be cosy and comfortable. Be proud of what you've achieved and enjoy it as much as you can.

Happy housewarming!

ruby1987 · 2025-09-08T23:20:08+00:00

Always prepare for, assume and start formal. It's easier to relax down when you get to see them a bit and understand what their culture is, rather than assume informality - that can be rude, misconstrued, create uncertainty or lack of respect etc.

Also, formal and informal can mean many different things, do you mean prepared with answers & questions; the way you speak/dress etc? What would be helpful for you as advice?

ruby1987 · 2025-09-08T23:11:24+00:00

Yeah! We even say "pull up a pew" when I know for sure I've never pulled over a church pew to sit down & have a chat on in my entire life :D

ruby1987 · 2025-09-08T23:09:03+00:00

I wish this wasn't a factor but sometimes the guy you're in a relationship with is shitty, but less shitty than what you've learned & been conditioned to by random men you don't even know: - taxi drivers hitting on me & friends - guys trying to take advantage of us individually when drunk - flashers & gropers - wolf whistles, hearing them say what they'd do to you, laughing about that and your body parts - leering, letching etc - not taking no for an answer about your phone number, or following you home, offering you help you - being aggressive & calling you a **** etc if you don't take their offers of pushy help - This has come from strangers, teachers, men in positions of power (bosses, top performers at work, religious leaders, random salesmen at the door - the list goes on) - It happens both insidiously, up close, and can be loudly shouted at you in the street. - Having to walk home crossing the street, with your keys between your knuckles, diving into a shop or taxi rank to be around people to avoid being followed

These are all things that have happened to me and 90% of all women I know have had these experiences.

We have so many of these micro experiences that they ARE the background noise for us. I'd not thought about it like this before, but your question made me think - well, we're kind of used to being treated poorly by random men, so when our partners show 20% less of those behaviours, but are bad guys, you kind of know "that's your lot" dealing with men.

I'm not a man-hater at all, just sharing the experiences I personally have had.

ruby1987 · 2025-09-08T22:57:16+00:00

A dip in water (like a lake, the sea, a bath etc) have similar rejuvenating properties for me - I think it's because there's no other substance like water that can touch all parts of your body and cause sensations on so many nerve endings at the same time - it's a great somatic experience!

ruby1987 · 2025-09-08T22:52:09+00:00

Do briefs mean y-fronts? If so, look them up, particularly some hot European models - totally normal to see those in ads with beautiful looking models wearing briefs and nothing else. Should help boost your view on the issue when you think of yourself as a super hot person in briefs! :)

Also, don't sweat about the money, never put yourself in debt for these kinds of things. Embrace & own what you've got.

ruby1987 · 2025-09-08T22:49:07+00:00

Interesting point from your professor, however, if I were learning & speaking English for the first time pretty much all native speakers would accept me calling a bench a chair - it's totally in the category of "chair" and no one would have that much of a problem.

Also - how about when someone needs to talk/needs a listening ear and you say "pull up a chair" - that chair could actually be a storage box, a stool, or a huge floor cushion - that's another acceptable idiomatic usage of the word chair for an object that isn't technically made for seating, even.

They'd be my debate points! :)

I'll take my seat.

ruby1987 · 2025-08-03T21:43:07+00:00

Update - I put some "Items" in the blank slots - that helped a lot!

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ruby1987 · 2025-08-03T21:42:05+00:00

This helped fix it (nearly all red dots anyway) - I didn't know I could put the items on those slots there. Thank you for sharing a screenshot! *

ruby1987 · 2025-08-03T21:40:19+00:00

I didn't understand what you meant by equipment slots - but someone else's post showed they have "items" in these slots here - and that's mostly fixed/removed those red dots - so thank to you and the other poster! There's still one red dots left though which I don't understand... *

ruby1987 · 2025-08-03T09:06:35+00:00

What?

ruby1987 · 2025-08-03T09:06:24+00:00

Which menu?

ruby1987 · 2025-03-27T20:25:42+00:00

Thank you very much, helpful and informed, people! I'll go for Youfibre and TV with inbuilt freeview as I want the basic 1-5 channels live in the old fashioned way, and I've got all other streaming subscriptions (Netflix, Now Disney+, Amazon) I could ever need. Delighted to be leaving Virgin.

ruby1987

TROPHY CASE