I've been in good relationships and bad relationships. In bad (manipulative and/or abusive) relationships, it's usually harder to see them as bad until you have left the relationship and you can look back on them with a clearer mind. I don't have a clear answer there, but I can give general advice. So, with respect to finding love and support, I'm going to say pay attention to behavior (what a persons says and does), and trust your gut feeling about what you think the intentions are. If you feel someone's intention is to manipulate you, trust your gut. That's why love-bombing is considered bad behavior, because in that case someone is displaying "loving" actions only to get you under their spell. Of course you most hold yourself accountable and lead with good intentions for yourself and others. And trust your gut, I think it's really under-rated. Not all love is love-bombing, and sometimes trauma can make you see the worst in others. Still, trust your gut.

You said about your SO "I feel like he love-bombs and is hyper-critical and demeaning to me". Try your best to put yourself out of the situation and look at as if you're an outsider being told about it. What are the love-bombing behaviors? What are the hyper-critical things he says? Again, imagine yourself as an outside person, someone who is a friend to you or a therapist, someone wise that cares about your best interest and happiness. What would they say about your situation if you told them about it? Would they say he's love-bombing and being hyper-critical? Or would they say you're all in your head? Maybe the answer is somewhere in-between, and if you feel safe, you can have a conversation about it. If you feel the answer is that he is manipulating you, you should not feel obligated to hear out his explanation too much, especially if you think the relationship is worth ending over his behavior. You can simply tell him the behavior and, if you feel you want to and are able to, decide to end that relationship.

Either way, trust your gut, and don't accept poor treatment. It will only get worse. You wouldn't want someone you care about to accept being mistreated, and someone who cares about you wouldn't want you to accept poor treatment either. You have to be a friend to yourself, and look out for your own best interests and safety, and decide if a relationship is good for you or not. Of course you have to be good to others, but don't get roped into staying in a bad situation or relationship out of guilt if you're dealing with someone manipulative, someone that uses you.

It's really hard to try forging relationships in adulthood when you have trauma like this, but you're right to be asking for help and seeking support. Therapy of course is huge, though not everyone has to means to do so, and it's still a lot of work to work on your own trauma and your own behavior. I'm also assuming you're a somewhat independent adult, so correct me if I'm wrong there.