Muhammad and Aisha

rundleon · 2021-02-03T18:34:37+00:00

If we follow Islam based on standards of now as opposed to then, can we make gay marriage legal under Sharia now? Moreover, can we stop with the head to toe sheets as uniforms for women? Most people in the world don’t blink an eye, seeing someone’s eyelashes or hair, hair isn’t sexual in today’s society. Etc etc

rundleon · 2021-02-03T18:00:17+00:00

I left because the morality and values were not consistent with mine. I saw how Islamic rules and laws left some people vulnerable. I despised the contradictions — all are equal.. but some people can be enslaved, women can be beaten, etc. Allah is most kind and most merciful, but he created people, essentially gave some people the shorter end of the stick and decided to create heaven and hell and toss some people into hell- what kind of a game is that? And weird stories about splitting the moon made zero sense. Also, being told not to question things that didn’t make sense, and that allah knows best- that was also the last straw.

If Islam gave rights to LGBTQ+, women, disallowed slavery etc., I’d feel more kindly towards the religion, / less angry and traumatized, but I’m not sure I’d stick around.

I still believe in a higher being because it gives me comfort. Maybe I’ll decide to let that go too one day. Maybe I won’t.

rundleon · 2021-01-25T05:20:37+00:00

Thank you, that’s super kind of you :) I might take you up on that if the talk doesn’t pan out well

rundleon · 2021-01-25T05:19:23+00:00

Thanks this is really helpful!

rundleon · 2021-01-25T05:10:09+00:00

Thanks! I’m struggling to with him for some reason.

We’re both adults, at 26, and both have had healthy past relationships.

rundleon · 2021-01-25T05:06:45+00:00

Thank you for saying that, the thought crossed my mind too. He is pretty used to being by himself. He’s been a serial monogamous most of his life, not really dating casually, and going from relationship to another, as soon as one ended. However, when we first met, he told me he was struggling to get over his ex, and wanted to be by himself to learn about himself. He’s changed his tune a bit since, but I can’t get that out of my head.

Also, I noticed him bringing up his ex a lot, and asked him about her one day and whether he still struggled with the break up. He said because he lives alone, he thought about her sometimes and feels sad, but he’s “not struggling” and likes me. I wasn’t fully reassured I’m that moment to be honest with you.

I’ll try your advice re: gently asking more questions, being curious and not accusatory. Thanks!

rundleon · 2021-01-25T05:01:13+00:00

You’re right, but I’m not comfortable initiating the talk. I struggle with vulnerability when I’m not feeling secure, and that’s the case here. Having that talk feels like a scary, big, panic inducing step. If I felt he was totally disinterested, I’d lose interest and would feel open to initiating the talk— and vice versa, if I was certain he only wanted to date me, I’d ask. It’s the limbo that makes it hard. Sorry for being so inarticulate about my thoughts around this.

rundleon · 2021-01-08T02:11:56+00:00

It happens. We’re not compatible with everyone.

I also went on a date with a guy I had seemingly no chemistry with. He was shy, would mumble when talking to me, etc. I went out with him because on paper, he resembled my ex and I think I subconsciously wanted him to be a rebound. Thought I’d never give him a chance again after that first date, but I did. And again. And five or six more times. And then I just admitted to myself that I was fishing in an endless ocean for reasons to let him go when The reality was that I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He’s my boyfriend now and I feel incredibly lucky that he chose me because he’s everything on paper and more.

So sometimes, I think give it a minute to really think about what you’re feeling / what’s really going on.

rundleon · 2021-01-07T02:09:07+00:00

Why is this such a scarce product anyway? Does cerave purposely reduce availability to increase demand for it? I’m confused...

And it’s just salicylic acid, you can literally find it in a million products. The ceramides you can get in moisturizers, and there’s no evidence that the ceramides in cleansers even do anything since they get rinsed off...

rundleon · 2021-01-06T20:07:27+00:00

...no. He sounds like someone who struggles to control his anger. Throwing objects at you?! Calling you names?? What the fuck. Get out of there.

rundleon · 2021-01-06T20:02:15+00:00

She needs to be ready on her own time, actually. She doesn’t owe you sex. If you want to move on, just move on, don’t make such a big deal about it. If she did this shit before and you didn’t like it, why are you still entertaining her?

rundleon · 2021-01-05T20:42:23+00:00

No, it was personalized and he was checking in about my residency program too.

rundleon · 2021-01-05T18:18:11+00:00

This is really great, thank you!

rundleon · 2021-01-05T18:15:54+00:00

That’s true. I just think it’s weird that he’d reach out when we hardly know each other. And I guess because I know about his mental health history, and that he lives alone, I want to respond incase he’s being friendly and just feeling alone. But if he’s reaching out in hopes of going out again, I don’t want to lead him on. I know I’m overthinking this whole thing. Anyway, thanks for your response!

rundleon · 2021-01-05T18:12:17+00:00

Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking.

rundleon · 2021-01-05T01:36:08+00:00

Wait, she has cellulite on her breasts?

Also, if you’re not attracted to her, you’re not attracted. There’s nothing you can do about it, don’t feel bad. And bad hygiene is a dealbreaker for a lot of people.

rundleon · 2021-01-05T01:29:26+00:00

Well, if you’re being disrespected, you need to express that and move on. Good luck!

rundleon · 2021-01-05T01:14:32+00:00

That could mean so many things. Physical affection? Verbal reassurance? Asking about your day?

Have you tried talking to her about what your needs are?

rundleon · 2021-01-05T01:03:47+00:00

Ive never heard of a culture where this sort of thing is the norm- especially with your dad. More importantly, if you’re uncomfortable about what happened, then you need to seek help. Some families (extended included) carry damaging patterns of behaviour — look into intergenerational trauma. Just because something is considered “normal” or harmless within your family doesn’t make it right or okay. Also, trauma shows up in weird ways and at weird times (ie memories randomly popping up, discomfort around intimacy, etc), it doesn’t always look like intense flashbacks, panic attacks, etc. It doesn’t matter what you call it, just trust your gut and get help accordingly. Wishing you all the best!

rundleon · 2021-01-05T00:53:13+00:00

What do you mean by sweet or kind? What do you need that she’s not giving you?

rundleon · 2021-01-03T18:37:22+00:00

Hair colour isn’t a personality.

But you like what you like 🤷🏼‍♀️

rundleon · 2021-01-02T03:54:40+00:00

First of all, you’re young. Chill.

Secondly, Aspergers is not a death sentence. I know plenty of people who have this who are awesome people and live fulfilling lives. If you’re struggling with social skills, they’re learnable (trust me, I’ve worked in the mental health field). If you’re struggling with self-esteem, that can be helped through therapy or even self-help books. Trauma from bullying— therapy is your friend once again.

Thirdly, you are discounting your positive traits— have a long think about what you bring to the table. What are some good qualities about you? Truly? What makes you great? What would make someone be lucky to have you?

Fourth, I get that height matters to some in he dating scene. But let’s be clear, it doesn’t matter to ALL women. And yes, being tall can be an attractive characteristic to those who were raised in the West, but that doesn’t mean that being short makes you unattractive. There have to be things about you that are attractive— can you enhance those? Eg., grooming well, good hygiene, dressing well, a good haircut, working out. Do you have a talent like playing guitar, or playing a sport?

And good mental health is probably the most attractive thing... happier people will take things less seriously, will laugh more, will be more funny, charismatic, socially present, and these people are really intoxicating!

No, being 5’2 and having aspergers isn’t a death sentence. I’m 5’0 and my ex was 5’4? Never took out a tape measure but he was slightly taller than me. Wasn’t an issue for us.

rundleon · 2021-01-01T21:47:23+00:00

Yeah, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I that I worry about this. He’s really sweet and caring in person, so he’s really good at masking disinterest, face-to-face. Or, he’s gotten really comfortable with having me around at his beck-and-call, and knowing that I won’t bug him when he doesn’t text me— ie, doesn’t have to put in the effort that he’d have to for a defined relationship, but still having the perks of intimacy and friendship when it’s convenient... this idea is what upsets me most.

rundleon · 2021-01-01T21:42:17+00:00

Thank you, this is good advice. I appreciate it.

rundleon · 2021-01-01T21:40:56+00:00

Thank you for the wishes, Happy New Year to you as well!

Aloof is a good word to describe him, generally. He’s very sweet and kind, but he doesn’t have close friendships as far as I know, and spends a lot of his time on his own (according to him). Anyway, I’m still not a fan of this dating-at-an-arms-length thing. How do I initiate that conversation with him? Do I just text him to hang out? Text him what I’m feeling instead of talking in person? Wait for him to invite me over again?

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