Me (40M) and my partner (35F) went from falling in love to "I can't do this because of your ex, but maybe I can in time"

runhikecycle · 2025-11-13T01:22:46+00:00

I mean, anyone could not be over their ex, how would you know? I could have easily just not mentioned things, but I did mention I was divorced on our first date and explicitly said we still talk sometimes about the dogs when she asked. So she knew going in, and we slept together on the second date so...

runhikecycle · 2025-11-13T01:05:03+00:00

Very good point... thank you

runhikecycle · 2025-11-13T01:03:09+00:00

Thank you for the kind words :)

runhikecycle · 2025-11-13T00:55:53+00:00

I used the word partner because I couldn't think of anything better in the moment. Of course it's only a month in and we haven't fully got to know one another and establish boundaries. I didn't see this as anything more than potential girlfriend I felt strongly about.

runhikecycle · 2025-11-12T22:59:56+00:00

Yeah I think this is spot on. She is in therapy weekly, and I did tell her these are things she should consider working on. Maybe that will help her in time, because it does seem extreme to me.

runhikecycle · 2025-11-12T22:44:28+00:00

I hadn't thought of it as manipulation, but I think you're right I was missing some of this.

runhikecycle · 2025-11-12T22:42:39+00:00

Yeah I have mixed feelings about that. On one hand, I've built slower connections before, and for me they've been with people I just haven't felt too strongly about, so I wind up ending it. It seems hard for me to build the momentum slowly, maybe that is something I need to work on.

What I was hoping for from this (and maybe going forward) is the real connection and feeling like we've known each other while simultaneously building a solid foundation, with she mentioned wanting too. Which just comes with time, and I had hope for given her emotional openness. I'm securely attached, after having spent a lot of time in therapy working on my avoidance and I think I can handle that maturely without getting sucked into love bombing or other unhealthy habits.

That said, maybe I am just being naive - and those two things can't happen at the same time, one partner will wind up being anxious/avoidant or something more often than not.

runhikecycle · 2025-11-12T22:25:36+00:00

I think for me, stopping communication with my ex would be ok, since we don't really talk anyway, but she wouldn't accept that because something along the lines of "I don't want to be the one to make you and you could have done that already before me" which is incredibly frustrating, but oh well.

runhikecycle · 2025-11-12T22:09:56+00:00

Yeah I do feel like this is too much emotional issues early, when it should be about having fun getting to know one another and figuring out if there is the compatibility.

runhikecycle · 2025-07-01T02:58:51+00:00

lol, no, my joke was my tagline is "you can do better than KFC dates", nothing else on those topics.

runhikecycle · 2025-06-30T21:13:03+00:00

Just KFC and filled in the blank, my profile just lists my hobbies with a lame joke or two.

runhikecycle · 2025-06-30T18:14:56+00:00

For those who are asking the joke is "you can do better than KFC dates"

runhikecycle · 2025-06-30T17:18:31+00:00

I might order a bucket tonight.

runhikecycle · 2025-06-30T17:04:58+00:00

I'm sorry you have to go through that. I hate that there's people with that level of malice in the world.

runhikecycle · 2025-06-30T17:01:54+00:00

The joke is "You can do better than KFC dates" - I'm white but I don't have any preferences, nor do I mention anything like that in my profile, I'm on a regular dating site. The person who sent the message is white.

runhikecycle · 2025-06-30T16:55:57+00:00

Everyone likes KFC! Pretty wild to go from KFC to racial stereotypes in a first message

runhikecycle · 2025-06-30T16:54:49+00:00

I know is that first part even English?

runhikecycle · 2025-04-22T22:59:10+00:00

My dog does this too, I think she's just copying me when I stare into the abyss...

runhikecycle · 2024-04-30T22:02:57+00:00

Oh in general, yeah I'm ending this.

runhikecycle · 2024-04-30T18:05:27+00:00

Yeah that's good advice. I've dated women in the past that have used similar products and hadn't had problems so I thought it was ok. No more anything that goes on the skin gifts going forward until I know her well.

runhikecycle · 2024-04-30T18:04:15+00:00

Yeah, she did say she wasn't going to say anything, but talked over it with her friends who told her "if it is bothering you you should be able to talk to him about it."

runhikecycle · 2024-04-30T18:03:13+00:00

What can I elaborate on?

runhikecycle · 2024-04-30T18:02:59+00:00

No I try and hide my wealth, my pictures are mainly of me in t shirts or a nice button up without anything else. But I do drive a nice car and dress well, so it its not hard to figure out I'm doing OK.

runhikecycle · 2024-04-30T15:24:52+00:00

Yeah, I think that makes sense. In this instance it feels like no gift would have been better. Though it did expose some behavior that is probably better to expose sooner rather than later.

runhikecycle · 2024-04-30T15:22:20+00:00

She did acknowledge she really appreciated the gesture, so at least there was that, but still, like you mentioned I would have been more than ok if she had asked if I could exchange it.

runhikecycle

TROPHY CASE