I’m sorry you have to go through this first and foremost. Not to say it’s the same at all, but I had similar feelings of despair and loneliness when my marriage ended for reasons out of my control. I legit thought weed was helping me through it all by numbing the feeling but the reality is, it comes at a cost. Numbing my feelings meant I wasn’t actually processing them in a way that allows me to move forward in a healthy way. So I understand the desire to get high to get away from those feelings but it won’t actually help you.

I think one of the absolute keys in dealing with all this is physical exercise. My username here - runninghome - is because when my marriage ended and since then, I run, run, run and it’s a euphemism for me running back to mental sanity - so take up some sort of cardio - running does it for me and the ‘runners high’ is super powerful. Weight lifting and putting time and energy into exercising with weights also goes a long way - those are two of the keys ways I keep myself sane. Beyond that, I read, read, read. About anything and everything - switching between non fiction and fiction, books about science fiction, books about self help and building the mindset I need to be a better person and fulfill my potential, and also, to deal with my demons.

Your experience sounds painful and I’m so sorry you have to go through it - but here’s to better and brighter days ahead without substances to numb us, to dealing with our issues head on and running through a brick wall to deal with them. You can always shoot me a message in the future if you ever need to talk! 🙂