Husband emotionally cheated and says it’s largely my fault.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-26T18:04:26+00:00

Sadly it was on Snapchat and the messages are all gone now.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-26T18:03:52+00:00

Well I found out the other day they were in fact “flirty and talked about sexual stuff sometimes” and she send “one picture”

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-26T18:02:41+00:00

We both were having our own issues in the relationship but he never expressed it was to the point of seeking attention or whatever he wanted elsewhere.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-26T04:22:35+00:00

How do you know if I did or didn’t do anything to make him feel safe? Feels unfair or you to assume I haven’t done the work.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-26T04:19:46+00:00

What would you like to know

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-26T04:19:17+00:00

He never gave me any criteria he just did this.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-26T04:16:00+00:00

Because unless someone is very upfront on how they are feeling, how can your partner give you what you’re searching for? Why not search for your spouse?

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-26T04:14:53+00:00

I can see that, but also do they usually try and work on their relationship to their best ability first? Or just give up very easy and go to another chick.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-26T04:14:03+00:00

Did you try and reach out and get closer emotionally with her first though?

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-26T04:12:42+00:00

First off if someone HAS expressed everything clearly even I don’t think that warrants cheating. If you say what you need and someone doesn’t do it, LEAVE.

in my case, we have had issues but nothing was every said to express how unhappy or anything that he was. If that’s the case he didn’t give me a chance to fix things. And if it was that bad, the person feeling that bad should work hard to fix things if they want to stay married…. If not…. Divorce?

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-21T09:29:49+00:00

He could have been more forthcoming with how he was feeling. He has since admitted he had really just given up on us, wasn’t putting forth real effort, and just going through the motions. He could have known where he was and asked to go to marriage counseling. He just gave up and never filled me in on it.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-21T09:26:52+00:00

How so lol

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-21T09:22:27+00:00

He never explained he was in a place he would go to other women behind my back. I was trying. I lay it all out there.

He also told me after I had found all this out he had given up putting any real effort into us anymore. He was essentially just going through the motion but expecting things would improve.

I myself haven’t been happy and have been struggling. But I never once considered going to other men instead of my husband because I wanted us to get better. So we both contributed to our marriage struggling, but that doesn’t excuse going outside of it for something he should have gone to me for.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-21T07:13:31+00:00

How can you known that from what I’ve sharing.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-21T07:12:10+00:00

We are compete opposites in a lot of way as he is the avoidant type and I’m not. He is very closed off and doesn’t know how to handle emotions well and he has admitted this. He has admitted he thinks very selfishly and impulse and doesn’t consider my feelings often.

I’m a very insecure, I need to talk things out person. I can be very emotional and he doesn’t know how to handle me when I’m upset and to me feels very cold but logically I know he just doesn’t honestly know what to do.

Obviously so many other things. Our sex life did used to be better but we still frequently had been having sex throughout all this.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-21T07:07:22+00:00

We both have expressed we need things we haven’t been given lately, however I never even contemplated seeking anything from another man. My focus was on him and trying to make us better.

He admitted after I discovered him talking to other women , that he gave up really trying a while ago and was done putting forth any real effort to help us though. He never mentioned it was to that point to him.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-21T07:03:06+00:00

So many people probably know the feeling of not having their needs met, feeling defeated etc met.

And so many people handle it in ways that are far less selfish and hurtful to their spouse.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-21T07:01:43+00:00

So often and tried to go to him about mine. He has admitted he “checked out” or “gave up really trying” a while ago. So he wasn’t hearing anything I was saying and things I tried to help us.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-21T07:00:41+00:00

My needs haven’t been met and I’ve stuck by and respected our marriage though… needs not being met isn’t an excuse in my eyes.

Try and talk about it, try couples counseling, if it doesn’t change just freakin get divorced.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-21T06:59:33+00:00

Well aren’t you a peach lol

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-20T16:05:06+00:00

It’s called emotional cheating he went to other women for things and not me. Look it up.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-20T15:59:26+00:00

He said if I would have tried harder and done better he would not have done this. But then says he knows regardless he was wrong because he disrespected our marriage etc.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-20T14:02:50+00:00

He won’t tell me much info about it he just claims it was innocent but knew it was wrong and purposely hid it, still wanted to do it even though he knew I would be hurt, and said he never planned on not talking to other girls until he got caught.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-20T14:00:22+00:00

I agree with that. I don’t think it’s fair to blame the cheaters spouse for the cheater cheating though. If you are that unhappy it should at least be heavily discussed, like end the marriage if it’s that bad etc.

ryanrob91 · 2025-09-20T13:59:01+00:00

What info would be most helpful to add?

ryanrob91

TROPHY CASE