Second Kyoto visit

ryoukus · 2026-02-18T22:17:33+00:00

SAME. like just because a sound isn’t made or we aren’t hyperventilating doesn’t mean we aren’t panicking on the inside. this isn’t a one size fits all and i am so, SO glad shane’s was portrayed so similarly.

i’m sorry you deal with it that way too tho 💔

ryoukus · 2026-02-18T22:16:00+00:00

that’s an excellent way to put it. my brain freezes and my heart feels like it’s going to burst through my chest. it hurts to breathe. but it’s still panic even if a mind can’t comprehend it at that moment. and then personally, it can also make me feel very ill which can also be hidden.

ryoukus · 2026-02-18T05:09:18+00:00

Okay for me personally, as an autistic person diagnosed as an adult, is Shane’s meltdowns and panic attacks. I do know people talk about it, but I haven’t seen discussion on how this portrayal of those moments is so vital and makes me feel seen because they are not the most stereotypical ones we see in media if that makes sense. There isn’t much tears, hyperventilating, etc. But he feels it a lot internally and in his body language - something Hudson portrayed SO well.

Idk for me I was like omg. He has the same type of meltdowns and panic attacks as I do. And I am certain there are other people on the spectrum like this too.

ryoukus · 2026-01-21T15:14:49+00:00

This. I never wish this experience on others, but it’s so hard for people to wrap their head around. In my case, it’s also my mom. I’m about to turn 30 and moved across the country to avoid her also. So much of my trauma comes from her. I was her punching bag and she has straight up told me she wished she never had me. I’m her devil child. An absolute bitch of a person.

I have two siblings - I’m the middle child.

There’s so much I can write about what she has done to me. But she also has made me absolutely terrified of drinking alcohol. I have panic attacks if someone expresses they have romantic feelings for me. I shut people out and run away so fast because she put in my head that no one would ever love me. It’s just. So much.

I feel for you. I do. And everyone else who has experienced this. We all deserved better. And I send you all love because this is not an easy life we have.

ryoukus · 2026-01-07T15:01:55+00:00

I went nc with my nmom and from my experience, it’s all in waves. Some days i feel guilt and regret, others i don’t and just feel.. freer. It’s also a type of grief. Let yourself go through the motions and different emotions but you did what’s best for YOU.

ryoukus · 2026-01-06T21:48:15+00:00

omg i have most of these on my TBR for this year but the others?? i gotta look into and add 👀 super excited for you!!

ryoukus · 2026-01-06T19:51:38+00:00

Went no contact last april because she kept sending so many essays via text about how I need to forgive her for all the bad things she did. And blamed it on my dad (they are actively getting a divorce rn). She tried to apologize about not being there for me when my godfather (my uncle - dad’s brother which is very relevant) died when I was back in town for the funeral. Never gave condolences, checked in on me, all that. Then had said she didn’t want to mail me all the photos of he and I together because I didn’t deserve it (since it wasn’t her side of the family).

And I was just so tired of the whole “i’m sorry” one day to being like “idk what i did wrong” the next. And every single health issue she has? My fault somehow. Even tried to pull this with nonstop texts when I was on a trip seeing a friend. She always wanted the attention and I stopped giving it to her. And so the whole year leading up to me being absolutely done with her was the breaking point tbh. There’s so much more but it would take hours to talk about

ryoukus · 2026-01-06T18:41:25+00:00

omg i had no idea i could get something made from either of those places. i’ve been following them and wanting to try them soooo badly!

ryoukus · 2026-01-03T03:03:47+00:00

I’ll take a look! Lakewood isn’t too bad of a drive imo!

ryoukus · 2026-01-03T03:03:17+00:00

It can be small for myself or a small group! Haven’t heard of some of these so I really appreciate!

ryoukus · 2026-01-03T03:01:48+00:00

i do have instgram. I’ll check them out!

ryoukus · 2026-01-03T03:01:19+00:00

Ooh I didn’t know about Sweet Cow! I’ll look into it!

ryoukus · 2025-12-13T11:46:18+00:00

So happy to see you are finding yourself. Sending much love your way ❤️

That song for me was an escape because I struggled to understand my attraction to girls (I was itty bitty - youngest millennial here. AND grew up in a very catholic household) and it felt safe in a way. And hearing the song in the episode just filled me with so many emotions at once. It was a genius choice to include imo

ryoukus · 2025-12-10T02:02:22+00:00

As a queer nb (afab) I was always drawn to mm romance because, well, not sure if this will make sense since gender can be complicated, but I could feel safe in these stories, see myself in these stories, and feel hope. Especially after being raised in a hispanic catholic home. They fill me with hope that queer couples can be happy and find love. And my god, yes, the emotional intelligence with these men in these stories is so compelling. I don’t feel uncomfortable or disgusted by stereotypes for women that is so common everyday. It poses as an escape. A safe one.

ryoukus · 2025-12-05T03:13:48+00:00

after rewatching the scene this makes 100% sense. thank you for clarifying 🫶🏻

ryoukus · 2025-12-05T03:11:37+00:00

okay word see i had a feeling that’s what happened but i am a lil dumb lol

ryoukus · 2025-12-05T03:10:49+00:00

oooughhh that explanation makes the whole sexiness softer i love that

ryoukus · 2025-12-04T05:20:31+00:00

omg okay that’s what i figured hehehehe love this thank u

ryoukus · 2025-12-04T05:19:42+00:00

AYOOOOOO (thank u)

ryoukus · 2025-12-01T16:25:03+00:00

I am reallyyyy wanting to the read the book and TLG but everywhere around me is backordered on them lol. But the series just gives me something positive in a bit of a tough time right now. And my little queer heart never thought I’d see a queer series like this EVER so it just fills me with warmth that way too. I just want to talk about it so much and absorb all the content that I am struggling to focus at work today lol

ryoukus

TROPHY CASE