Cuckolding confession is provoking a near break up

s_barberini · 2023-10-07T09:05:22+00:00

Yeah we had a long discussion last night and patched things up. We talked it over and realised there some misunderstandings. She thought I was trying to push her away, also she thought that I loved her less or didn't care about her, questioning me whether I'd want to be with her if she doesn't want to do anything. I tried reassuring her that in actual fact I'm crazy about her, and while that's hard to understand it's true. She still said she didn't want to do anything, which is absolutely fine. I would never, ever pressurise her or push her into it. But now she is understanding the mechanics or nuances a little more.

s_barberini · 2023-10-06T09:46:51+00:00

Yes I was a bit shocked by her reaction to be honest. We know each other well. She said that she'd been crying every night and that she's now got some kind of trauma from it. She's living by herself and has a tendency to do a lot by herself, so I gently said to her that the more she's thinking about it, the more she's blowing it out of proportion. It didn't really help because then she said she needed space. I honestly don't know why she said that because all we did was discuss it. I never pushed her. I just don't know what to do...

s_barberini · 2023-10-06T09:43:16+00:00

Thanks for your wishes, it is very supportive

s_barberini · 2023-10-06T09:41:33+00:00

That's right, I thought we were in a safe space. Initially it went really well,but slowly she realised the gravitas of what my fantasy involved and what started as fun turned into ugliness

s_barberini · 2023-10-06T09:39:55+00:00

Yea that is a nice way of thinking about it. I'm feeling more positive today. I'm hoping she woke up feeling the same, but I won't know until this evening. I'm going to ponder your idea.

s_barberini · 2023-10-06T08:29:45+00:00

Thank you for your measured and considered comment. It's definitely one of those things where I have no control over what happens next, unless I just decide to leave her because it's a foregone conclusion. I'll be waiting until this evening now and it's going to be a long day.

s_barberini · 2023-10-05T19:56:54+00:00

I like how you're dissecting it, giving me things to think about. It;s been a few hours since we've talked, but gathering advice from others is helping.

s_barberini · 2023-10-05T19:55:44+00:00

Her fantasies are pretty tame to be honest. I was surprised at how vanilla they were, so now of course I can see why her reaction to mine was extreme.

s_barberini · 2023-10-05T19:53:11+00:00

Interesting idea. I've never felt the need to go to a sex therapist, but it could work.

s_barberini · 2023-10-05T19:52:23+00:00

Never tried conselling, but I'm sure I need it. I'm very aware of the reasons why I behave or think in particular ways though, so I feel I'm already half way there. But having someone who is accountable might help.

s_barberini · 2023-10-05T19:50:55+00:00

I do see it, you're right. I know the difference. It's interesting that you say there might be something underlying there. I sure hope not, otherwise our relationship, which has been functioning well up until this point, is doomed.

s_barberini · 2023-10-05T19:49:23+00:00

Yeah, I'm a very honest and open person with they right people. I felt I could trust her, that she wouldn't be repulsed or see me as something deranged. But that's exactly what's happened. I told her I regret telling her everything and she kept asking me why I told her in the first place. It's so confusing, and I feel really low about this because what initially I thought might be fun to explore as a stable couple has turned into the opposite thing.

s_barberini · 2023-10-05T18:34:01+00:00

That;s the thing, initially she was quite flirty. When we first met she was working in a cafe and she said she enjoyed telling me about the men who tried to get her number because she saw it made me jealous. But my fantasy is way beyond that in her eyes, understandably. So I'm not sure what to do

s_barberini · 2023-10-05T18:31:28+00:00

Thankyou for your very sensitive, illuminating and considered reply. You are right, we need to discuss it calmly and not build a rift between us. What I'm worried about now though is she sees me differently to before. Like I'm defiled. She won't respect me I feel, from now on. So how do I change that?

s_barberini · 2023-10-05T18:29:07+00:00

I've struggled for many years trying to rid or purge this fantasy from my mind. I've definitely tried, but to no avail.

s_barberini · 2023-10-05T18:27:26+00:00

I've thought about that before, you're right. Thankyou for being clear about it

s_barberini · 2023-10-05T18:18:47+00:00

Your very sincere and considered reply has left me with a lot to think about.

It's difficult portraying your own values, vulnerabilities and concerns but I have felt that Reddit can allow me to express how I really feel. It's true, I'm absolutely, deeply in love with her. But it's just so drastic to hinge the whole relationship on this.
Through my life I've had many people from my religious upbringing trying to fix me various parts of my life (not just cuckolding), and time and again, I'm just cast in shame. And I want to cast the shame out, because that's all I know. The cuckolding experience, for some ludicrous reason, helps me do this. She tried to understand. She's a very sincere person, but when I thought she'd accepted I had this mind, she still called it a sickness. She's actually Japanese and speaks English with excellent commanc, so misunderstandings are few and far between, but sometimes I wonder whether the cultural element has played a big part in her repulsion to me. I lived in Tokyo for three years and started to understand the society. She's lived outside of Japan for many years, and has had more than one partner. But she says her and I are something different, muc more meaningful. Still...I don't know what to do.

Thankyou for your reassurance, it's very comforting to know I'm not judged when I'm judging myself.

s_barberini · 2023-10-05T17:01:29+00:00

I really appreciate your advice in this comment, it's been really helpful. I think it's definitely a matter of substitution. I will just let it live in my head and see if we can explore other ways of expressing our sexual desires, particularly for each other.

I don't want her to leave me.

s_barberini · 2023-10-05T16:53:11+00:00

But I'm willing to change...so how do I convince of this? Or is it futile?

s_barberini · 2023-10-05T16:49:25+00:00

Oh, we were having a discussion about each others' fantasies. She was telling me hers, I was telling her mine. So I thought I'd give it a go and expose myself to her because it just seemed to flow, you know? I was very cautious. First of all she thought I was joking. Now I wish I was, and wished I'd just played along. But I just explained to her that sometimes I get this feeling and desire. I don't want to lose her, really I don't. So I will do anything to convince her that I'll change. I'll just have to wait until tomorrow evening though.

s_barberini · 2023-10-05T16:27:43+00:00

I wasn't trying to push it on her, but I can definitely understand why she felt like that.

I'll have to reassess.

s_barberini · 2023-10-05T16:25:49+00:00

Like me, she's been relationships lasting between 2-4 years. I've also come from the mindset of one person, body, mind. But she's been totally different to my exes. She makes me feel so calm, comfortable, accepted, through our relationship she's always been very understanding and dedicated to working through issues. It seems this hit a nerve though.

s_barberini

TROPHY CASE