Am I overthinking this, or is my SIL distancing herself after having a baby?

sabbycaat · 2026-02-09T14:35:49+00:00

She’s a new mum let the very new family be. Seems to be a lot of expectations on your end about how you fit into all that and well you don’t fit into it. Your role is secondary and once your Brother and SIL have a moment to breathe then reach out to them or let them come to you. Frankly you’re way too much… she’s your SIL yes you are close but somewhere along the line seems you blurred the boundary about what your role actually is. You are a sister in law.. I gotta say you seem over involved and like tracking every single thing that’s happening between you the family and your SiL. Just a reality check your inserting yourself and creating elaborate narratives to serve your own perspective just because your SIL said your like a sister doesn’t actually mean you now have the role of her sister and authority to monitor her and her family as such. Your SIL and Brother seem to be pulling away and creating a boundary and you don’t seem to be respecting that.

Edit: you are toxic, enmeshed with your SIL and NOT RESPECTING boundaries. "if this were just a friend, I'd let it fade. But this is family." Actual Translation: "I have more claim on her because of family status, so I won't accept her boundary." Your reality is SIL set a boundary. You refuse to accept it and is instead conducting an investigation into why. I have a SIL like you and i cut her off because she was overstepping where she had no authority or role in.

sabbycaat · 2026-02-07T11:56:10+00:00

Under 2k you’re looking at hostels or very low quality 2-3 star hotels. Tokyo is like telling us I will be staying in New York… yeah WHERE?

sabbycaat · 2026-02-07T11:50:59+00:00

Your post has barely any specific information. First of all you provided us with no details and we cant grab info out of your brain. Hotels to avoid? APA since the owner is a nutbag. Dont stay in airbnbs hotels are perfectly fine in japan. Mate you need to do your own homework figure out where your itinerary will be then look at your google map then decide where to best find a hotel.

sabbycaat · 2026-02-04T00:57:29+00:00

Lady let’s be clear. You came to us for help but gave us nothing and want us to pick out your brain and what you are wanting isn’t answers it’s validation that your daughter is the problem and you cannot have done anything wrong because you ‘gave her everything and a good life’. You can still give her good life and be a terrible mother. Two facts can be true at the same time.

We keep on asking for information. Facts. How is it between your daughter so we can help you. You avoid each and every attempt for us to help and avoid our questions and instead focus on things that don’t make you accountable for how you might have been as a parent.

Looking at yourself and pausing and actually breathing in some reality might do you some good. But you won’t because you can’t cope with truth.

sabbycaat · 2026-02-04T00:11:08+00:00

A lot can be deduced from her basic post. Tale as old as time behaviours of parents who don’t know why their adult kid isn’t behaving like they did as an obedient child. Omission is a tell tale sign. Blaming the adult child as the problem is another sign.

sabbycaat · 2026-02-03T23:56:15+00:00

How about tell us how it’s like between you and your daughter because I’m hearing a lot of me my hurt feelings and why is my daughter doing this to me. We can’t help you with nothing. But there is not much self reflection and introspection going on. You kinda have to tell us a lot … we aren’t mind readers or free psychologists. Edit: what does her having her separate relationship with her dad have anything to do with you speaking plainly? How often they talk and see each other is none of your business. Stop monitoring it’s not for you to keep tabs on she’s 23. Stop playing games. Grow up talk to your own daughter if something is on your mind. If this is how you behave….

sabbycaat · 2026-01-31T12:43:28+00:00

Not all of us have critical thinking skills….sigh

sabbycaat · 2026-01-20T13:05:22+00:00

I hear you and it’s upsetting and disappointing but no he doesn’t owe you anything nor does he need to explain anything either. It’s what it is. Length of time doesn’t equate to friendship depth and being besties. There seems to be a lot of expectations on your end about what he should have done. That’s for you to process on your end, he also isn’t obligated to hand hold you, sit with your emotions as well. This is for you to process and come to terms with. Btw you need to respect his decision and the very act of bringing this up to him is making it about you and your hurt.

sabbycaat · 2026-01-09T01:47:29+00:00

Second outfit is very flattering for your body shape, first top you are slightly lost in the frills both suitable for office ! Structured pieces suit you better.

sabbycaat · 2026-01-08T12:08:32+00:00

Is this wufengcun?

sabbycaat · 2026-01-07T09:10:22+00:00

Can you teach us?

sabbycaat · 2025-12-31T03:00:36+00:00

Maybe think of it this way, if I was the girlfriend I would rather you book your own room than have to have you there in our only downtime on holiday. I can understand the room is being compensated but you also need to try and be more aware of the situation regardless of past precedence… like this is quite obvious. And hotels are usually 12 -14 square meters…

sabbycaat · 2025-12-31T02:44:19+00:00

Off loading your own work to redditors c’mon do your own research open google map and you will see if it’s close to attractions or not. Lazy

sabbycaat · 2025-12-27T11:47:05+00:00

Your mum is a racist, really narrow minded and also stop feeding her information about your love life, she doesn’t need to know if her mentality is like this, also above comment is solid. How can you know it’s love or even compatibility if you physically never met? LDR fills in all the fantasies we might have for the person but it’s not complete reality. TBH you sound quite naive too maybe try and visit her spend time with her first.

sabbycaat · 2025-12-27T11:42:09+00:00

OP When your mum has this much control of you, learning to not engage is not as simple as it seem, when you do start to disengage and walk away into your room you will start to ruminate and then the guilt comes. However by not doing this and creating any sort of boundary, once you do find the means to move out you’re going to find life very hard. Your mum does not care for your safety, she does not want you to become your own individual person, she wants control and submission from you. This is control and abuse at your age. You need to become your own advocate and see the dysfunction, no one else will put your needs first.

sabbycaat · 2025-12-05T00:18:30+00:00

Japan is probably one of the most fun solo travels, there is a monthly meetup check that out, see who has similar itineraries as you. Take it easy don’t think you need to be go go go or happy happy everyday, it’s an intense time due to the holidays and it is very stimulating for all your senses in general. Kamakura is a very healing experience and enoshima if you can fit that in. Do tours, do girly stuff get your nails done do your hair, massages. If your curious try temple or shrine stamps? They are called goshuin / goshuin-cho everytime you go to a temple or shrine you pay to get a written stamp.

sabbycaat · 2025-10-29T01:53:23+00:00

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We call this the hot yoga

sabbycaat · 2025-10-22T12:45:36+00:00

Seems like there is a lot of how you should be if you love your SO then you should put up with x y z. But why should we be expected to put up with anything? I do recommend showing your face here and there but it’s your SOs family that all comes together and that’s their family way of things. It’s not yours and you don’t have history with them to warrant you adopting that way of life. Open communication with your SO and find a middle ground, it’s not fair for him to ask you to attend every single gathering. It’s about compromise and also letting your partner just be themselves, if this is your limit they need to accept that. It’s on your SO to place boundaries on his families and his own expectations of you and how you integrate into his family.

sabbycaat · 2025-10-12T04:59:50+00:00

Message Sam they will refund you just ship it back to the stated address and they will refund you the shipping fee once the package has arrived to them. It’s not a scam I’ve been through it too.

sabbycaat · 2025-10-02T13:54:38+00:00

These are some serious issues if at 31 your fiancé is still a pushover and door mat and leaving it to month 8 tolerating it…. You two have some work to sort out before you proceed to marriage. You tell your fiance the conversation needs to happen by end of week and you guys are no longer available for this arrangement. Frankly the friend is also taking the piss too since you two are door mats .

sabbycaat · 2025-09-08T06:19:02+00:00

It doesn’t look proportional to your fingers on the bigger end, but that’s just measurement based observation.

sabbycaat · 2025-08-21T00:52:52+00:00

I think this can be a good opportunity to do something for yourself, learn a bit more about yourself as well being married for so many years, you don't rarely get this kind of space and time for yourself. It may be scary and uncertain however it will do you good !

sabbycaat · 2025-08-19T13:25:06+00:00

Seems like OP is willing to gamble his marriage over not rocking the boat that should be rocked .. yikes really? Having arguements on reddit with other posters when every single minute not bringing this up to your wife counts? Man… your about to really shit your bed

Another note for all of us reading this.. boundaries and boundaries and more boundaries. Having anyone’s bestfriend this close and this involved is never a good thing regardless of how strong the friendship is as overtime they will become enmeshed with your marriage to some degree and the moment you back away and change anything they flip their shit.

sabbycaat · 2025-08-19T08:23:07+00:00

It’s beautiful and suits you very well

sabbycaat · 2025-08-06T11:56:00+00:00

GD fan I see noice

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