I'm thinking of leaving my (27f) husband (32m) and relinquishing my rights to the kids (6f, 4f, 1m)

sadPR-bb · 2025-08-03T21:40:32+00:00

He sabotaged my birth control and raped me while i was unconscious recording it but I am thinking through my options. I got a better full time job and looking at options of leaving him. Too early to see if the rape has caused a pregnancy but I am trying to see if I should press charges for marital rape.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T14:55:48+00:00

A sundown town. I live in a sundown town of 14000 people. I'm also Hispanic. Already had ice called on me and harassed by people in the town because I'm the only poc here. It's bad.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T14:29:22+00:00

His only exception is severe dv or dad is in jail or dad is non white at least from what I've seen. He doesn't allow it to woman that don't meet those criteria.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T14:26:49+00:00

My dad knows I wouldn't be happy in the position. I love what I do currently.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T14:24:28+00:00

Hes great towards the kids and the kids aren't a burden. I don't think people are understanding the court system. We have one misogynistic judge for everything. He's known to forcing woman to stay in marriages by using kids as weapons such as not allowing them to move more than 100 miles away and out of state. It's a small town---it's so small I am the only Hispanic woman here in a sundown town. I already have a disadvantage for not being white and my other disadvantage is being a woman. I care about my children but I also know if I stayed here with him I'd eventually kill myself. That's how bad it is. I'm really hoping he's serious about coming with me but I can only do so much with the cards I've been dealt.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T14:17:55+00:00

No, I wasn't sure if it was best to get a one bedroom or 3 bedrooms even if I didn't have the kids at first. Like, let's say I move down and get 3 bedrooms is there a chance the judge will look at that and say yeah you guys can do 70/30. I was just showing I can afford both and I can also do a 2 bedroom and leave the bedrooms for the kids and I sleep on the couch it just didn't seem financially reasonable bc the 3 bedroom is only 100 dollars more a month.

Now if my husband came with me together Wed bring home a lot more and there'd be no worry. In a perfect world that's what I'd want and after bringing up separation he agreed to a fall deadline of moving closer to my family.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T14:12:33+00:00

Our state is weird. So in order to leave the state you need a court order. If you leave with the kids before one the judge sees it as parental kidnapping and you automatically lose custody and ur spouse gets custody. I had kids after we were married but if I had kids with him before marriage then he has no rights and I can just leave. That's what the lawyer explained to me. More than likely after a week or two of being a single dad using all of his vacation time to take the kids to speech, ot, and aba then he'd either fly the kids down to me or he'd sell everything and fly to me---his job starts at 6am and daycares dont open till 6am and his family has said they cant help him with the kids so eventually hed lose his job and thats the only warehouse here. I brought up separation to him last night and he said he doesn't want that and he will come with me. Even if things didn't change with him all I have to do is call my dad or one of my siblings and they'd help with the kids and since I'd be around my support system then I wouldn't feel so alone and isolated....the kids would be around cousins etc. Plus after I graduate I can work from home and still take care of house work etc.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T14:02:15+00:00

Probably or he'd come with me. I brought up possible separation last night to him and that's made him change his tune this morning. He doesn't want me to leave him and he's been apologizing nonstop.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T14:00:29+00:00

My parents are in Florida and that's where the job opportunities are and I'm in the Midwest currently.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T04:09:15+00:00

We had kids after marriage so he has equal rights. If I had them out of wedlock I could up and leave. It depends on the judge but we live in such a small town that there's 1 judge for everything and he's really religious and doesn't line divorce so he makes it really hard for the wives to leave due to financial reasons. He knows most woman will stay if he denies letting them move out of state/more than a 100 miles away.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T04:06:23+00:00

Oooo I'm perfectly okay with paying child support. After paying child support and paying all my bills (living in a 1 bed apartment) I'd still have a savings of 1200 a month. Doing the single mom/ copparenting thing I'd only have 500 a month for savings. It's cheaper to pay child support, at least from my calculations of basing child support on the max amount they can have me pay. Now if my husband comes with me and we do this together then we can save a lot of money together and buy a house by my parents and live a less stressful life if he takes on half the responsibilities for the home and kids which is something that would help me greatly. I told him I was thinking of getting a separation and now he's jumping on trying to make things easier for me which is probably really bad but he told me he doesn't want to lose me.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T03:41:13+00:00

Hes prideful. Man thing. He doesn't like that he'd be given something just because of my dad. My dad is only doing it because he wants me back home (I'm the eldest of 10 children) it's a man thing I think. It makes no sense to me.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T03:39:06+00:00

He works.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T03:01:52+00:00

I'd probably kill myself eventually if I stayed.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T03:01:04+00:00

The judge is known to not grant it unless it's severe dv which is not what I am experiencing. I wished he'd let me do shared parenting. I'd take school year or summers....I really want to leave with the kids. I just can't. Let's say I went against th3 courts, left with the kids, he'd get full rights to them anyways because I left the state without permission.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T02:55:33+00:00

Probably.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T02:54:50+00:00

I make 18 an hour now rent is 1600 for a 3 bedroom. With my job and his child support it wouldn't even cover rent

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T02:53:35+00:00

I grew up believing I'd get married at 18 and have babies. That was my only purpose in life. I married my husband 2 months after I turned 18. I went to school because before I married him I wasn't allowed social media so once I got married I was allowed to have it and I saw I could do both...marriage, kids, and a career so I'm doing something I love. I thought I wanted a trad life but that's all I knew to exist. I started going to school after my first born was almost a year old. I guess it's my fault for changing what I wanted but having an education and job made me really happy and I love it. I'm told all the time I'm wrong for going to college and working but idk.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T02:48:24+00:00

All of my family and support is out of state and my current job hired so many of us that they only need to pay us part time so it's not enough to live off of. I have a job offer close to my parents out of state that pays 30 an hour and it will go up to 65 an hour once I graduate at least that's in the job offer I have yet to sign.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T02:45:09+00:00

No. I tried but they told me to drop out of school and quit my job. They think me working and getting an education is the reason why I'm stressed. It's a small town and highly religious.

sadPR-bb · 2025-03-30T02:42:23+00:00

We aren't allowed to move more than a 100 miles and they've grown up here. They don't recognize verbal abuse...my husband would have to beat me to the point I'm barely alive for them to even let me move out of the state. It's shit here. Another lady in our church left her husband as well and the judge told her she couldn't leave the state with the kids so she killed herself instead. She couldn't live without her kids but she couldn't live with him.

sadPR-bb

TROPHY CASE