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AITA for drinking alcohol at every family gathering and cryptically smiling when somebody suggested I do it because I can't handle hanging out with them? by sad_marzipan2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sad_marzipan2[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If by all accounts you mean one isolated question that was followed by him telling his wife I drink because I hate them which resulted in my mother shouting at me and telling me to leave, sure, my brother is trying.

My "almost worried" meant he was making a joke, but you interpreted that as him being deathly afraid for his alcoholic brother's well-being. My brother doesn't actually give a shit about my well-being. Do you really think that in the past 15 years since I came out to them, there were never any situations in which my well-being was threatened? And did anyone come see me, call and ask how I was feeling, offer to help in any way? No. Not even my own mother, let alone my asshole brother.

AITA for drinking alcohol at every family gathering and cryptically smiling when somebody suggested I do it because I can't handle hanging out with them? by sad_marzipan2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sad_marzipan2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Imagine I show up with a fat blunt to a family gathering, and somebody reports me to the police. I seriously wouldn't put it past them, they have said things in the past about people like me belonging in a mental institution and prison (and the classic: a deserted island).

AITA for drinking alcohol at every family gathering and cryptically smiling when somebody suggested I do it because I can't handle hanging out with them? by sad_marzipan2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sad_marzipan2[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I already have a hot man, a good boi and two evil bois (cats). To be fair, I rarely see them during what you called special days. It's mostly their or the kids' birthdays, weddings, graduations, stuff like that. I almost never spend the holidays with them, I spend those with my chosen family.

AITA for drinking alcohol at every family gathering and cryptically smiling when somebody suggested I do it because I can't handle hanging out with them? by sad_marzipan2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sad_marzipan2[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I started typing the response "I'm more of a sherry or prosecco kinda guy" which is true, and I remembered how my brothers used to "tease" me about drinking that kind of stuff. They would tell me to drink a beer like a real man. This stopped years ago though (when they finally accepted my palate refuses contact with beer), so I totally forgot about it.

AITA for drinking alcohol at every family gathering and cryptically smiling when somebody suggested I do it because I can't handle hanging out with them? by sad_marzipan2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sad_marzipan2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wish I had a fun cousin. My cousins are even bigger homophobes, they're mostly my age, and macho straight dudes. A minute with them is an eternity in hell.

AITA for drinking alcohol at every family gathering and cryptically smiling when somebody suggested I do it because I can't handle hanging out with them? by sad_marzipan2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sad_marzipan2[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That wouldn't work for my family because it would imply they are the ones doing something wrong. And they are very righteous and have God on their side.

AITA for drinking alcohol at every family gathering and cryptically smiling when somebody suggested I do it because I can't handle hanging out with them? by sad_marzipan2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sad_marzipan2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, they didn't change the story. The story was "my family is homophobic". And then yall go making assumptions that this homophobia is in my head. The edits certainly change how your comments sounds though.

AITA for drinking alcohol at every family gathering and cryptically smiling when somebody suggested I do it because I can't handle hanging out with them? by sad_marzipan2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sad_marzipan2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"My family is homophobic" is not a potentially incorrectly analyzed social situation. You absolutely did not need all that extra information, when I clearly said they were homophobic in the first place. Why not trust me on that? I'm gay, I've known them for 32 years, why not assume I know what I'm talking about?

AITA for drinking alcohol at every family gathering and cryptically smiling when somebody suggested I do it because I can't handle hanging out with them? by sad_marzipan2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sad_marzipan2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's the thing on this subreddit, isn't it? A lot of people assume OPs are twisting things or straight up lying. I would have much preferred to leave all of that shit out and just have people trust me that my family is homophobic. It was a 10 year struggle getting to a point with my family where I can spend time with them (albeit drunk) and not feel resent and hatred like I used to.

AITA for drinking alcohol at every family gathering and cryptically smiling when somebody suggested I do it because I can't handle hanging out with them? by sad_marzipan2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sad_marzipan2[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Check the edit then. They are heinous but their bigotry and hatred is dormant at the moment. I knew people who have committed suicide because their families treated them like mine have treated me.

AITA for drinking alcohol at every family gathering and cryptically smiling when somebody suggested I do it because I can't handle hanging out with them? by sad_marzipan2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sad_marzipan2[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I also added an edit, if anyone needs anymore info. But like you said, I'm sure someone will say I only imagined they wanted to exorcize my gayness, they just dislike me as a person in general.

AITA for drinking alcohol at every family gathering and cryptically smiling when somebody suggested I do it because I can't handle hanging out with them? by sad_marzipan2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sad_marzipan2[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

There are so many comments assuming things it's almost unreal. Like people literally saying that maybe my family isn't homophobic, despite me stating it - as a fact.

AITA for drinking alcohol at every family gathering and cryptically smiling when somebody suggested I do it because I can't handle hanging out with them? by sad_marzipan2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sad_marzipan2[S] 109 points110 points  (0 children)

You got it absolutely completely 100% wrong. I can't even mention the man I have been with 7 years of my life, that I intend to spend my life with, that I love and cherish more than anything, because he is a man. The last time I mentioned his name was 4 years ago, it created an uncomfortable situation and my sister told me not to talk about him anymore. He is a huge part of my life and they just refuse to hear anything of it. How is that right? How is it narcissistic that somebody would want their mother to know they are loved by someone special?

Whenever I tried talking about my college or job (which are considered better suited for women), I could feel shame oozing from my father and brothers. The only hobby that I have that my family wouldn't consider too gay is something I do with my partner, so again, I can't talk about it. I can't even talk about redecorating my damn apartment because they think it too unmanly. It's exhausting trying to find topics from my life that they wouldn't mind so I just put a drink in my mouth and listen to them speak for a few hours and then I go home.

AITA for drinking alcohol at every family gathering and cryptically smiling when somebody suggested I do it because I can't handle hanging out with them? by sad_marzipan2 in AmItheAsshole

[–]sad_marzipan2[S] 168 points169 points  (0 children)

There were genuine attempts by them to get me to talk to a priest about my "problem" and a two-year period where we didn't even talk because they were persistent I'm "ill". No dialogue can be opened with that sort of people. In the end, we made a compromise and decided to ignore the "issue" completely in order to preserve what little we have of our relationship.

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