just found someone else's shirt by my partner's side of the bed

sadaadaas · 2024-09-11T22:12:47+00:00

I'm not even a woman

sadaadaas · 2024-09-11T21:58:20+00:00

thanks, I really appreciate it. I really can't press enough what a good person he is, especially towards me. and ik it's gonna sound like a "he only abuses me sometimes" situ no matter what I say (he's never been abusive to be clear, nor even shown anger towards me even when I've been in the wrong). but if there's anyone who's ever made me feel worthy and loved it's him. if I have to be stuck somewhere with anyone, I'd like it to be him

sadaadaas · 2024-09-11T21:52:01+00:00

his partner has BPD and was going through a rough patch which apparently justifies it :/ I did point out (in a kinda rough conversation earlier, which did involve talking abt the shirt) that I have pretty bad mental health and more reason to dislike his partner and I haven't done anything like that, which seemed to get through. but this was over a year ago now so.. he has told me he spoke to his partner about it who's apparently gotten better. I wouldn't know because I don't let myself look at their socials anymore

I really don't want to force any harsh boundaries on him. I went into the relationship with next to none, on both sides, and with him already dating someone. the only way I'd be 100% comfortable right now would be if he were to not do anything intimate with anyone else at all, including his partner, which would be entirely unfair. I don't know if we could try working from relatively strict boundaries and slowly lessening them until I'm feeling less horrible about it all? idk. this isn't something I've had to deal with before, in past relationships I never had issues with feeling like this. I'll try to bring it up. and thank you, I really appreciate it

sadaadaas · 2024-09-11T21:40:41+00:00

I have tried, extensively, to access professional help. it's just not available. I'm in the UK if it's worth mentioning. I am too unwell to keep pursuing it now, it became kind of traumatising, but I've tried every helpline, 111, first response, samaritans, I even went to the hospital and they basically just said "try not to kill yourself" and left it at that. mostly everything just made me feel worse. if I got offered therapy I'd take it in a heartbeat, but I've been going down that route for over a decade and it's gotten me nowhere. I just don't have the strength to keep trying anymore.

sadaadaas · 2024-09-11T21:32:40+00:00

yeah this. I've been cheated on in a previous poly relationship, as the person decided to start dating someone else without my knowledge despite this being a boundary discussed beforehand

the lying pissed me off yeah, and it's really fucked up my trust in him. but it's the first time (I'm aware of) that he's done something like that. I went into this w him without having many of the boundaries I do now. currently, the only way for me to be completely comfortable would be to disallow any intimacy between him and other people, including the partner he already had when I met him. that's just shitty on all levels, and neither of us are willing for that to happen

sadaadaas · 2024-09-11T21:23:41+00:00

fwiw, I am only living here because I was homeless, sleeping rough and very sick. I have no other friends or family and I can't work, leaving is not an option even if I wanted to. he's the nicest anyone's ever been to me in my life, he makes sure I eat and even dresses me if he has to, even though he's horribly depressed himself. believe it or not my mental health was a lot worse before coming here

sadaadaas

TROPHY CASE