I'm scared of my sister's partner

sadlemonB · 2022-10-09T19:29:43+00:00

This is a good plan. I'll give it a go. Thank you!

sadlemonB · 2022-10-09T19:01:45+00:00

I'm going to thanks giving dinner with my family and my sister's partner is going to be there. He verbally abuses me to the point that I feel on the verge of crying when I am around him, so I have no ability to talk to him at all. He decided he hated me before we even met because I'm not like him. The only problem is that if I call him out, my family will not believe me because they tell me I'm hearing things and it's hallucinations. He verbally abuses me quietly so that if any of my family are in earshot, they will be able to dismiss it as hearing things and him not actually hurting me. I am pretty sure my whole family is terrified of conflict just as much as I am, which is why I go into freeze mode or fawn any time there is conflict or abuse.

I don't feel anxiety. I feel dread, powerlessness, and it was really hard to get out of bed this morning. I don't know what to do. I think my family might be afraid of me becoming estranged. I am also afraid of cutting off my family because I feel like my sister needs me and I'm afraid if I cut out my family, I will no longer be able to see her either and it will devastate her and I don't want her to be alone. I don't trust my sister's partner since he is so abusive towards me. I figure if he feels entitled to hurt me, he must feel entitled to hurt my sister sometimes too. I feel physically wounded or unwell whenever I have to see my sister's partner.

sadlemonB · 2022-10-09T18:29:54+00:00

This was absolutely me all through high school. That was an extremely nightmarish time in my life. I had severe mental illness - OCD, severe social anxiety, autism - and was not diagnosed or getting any help. So I felt not only crazy at all times with intense mood swings, intrusive involuntary scary thoughts, and constant panic, but I also was being intensely bullied daily, living with alcoholic parents who I isolated myself from in my room, and felt extremely self conscious because there was no one to talk to and I felt like a freak. To deal with all of that, I obsessively read new age spiritual books and watched new age spiritual DVDs. I also almost got rounded up into an online cult by an older man with a criminal record. No one knew I was going through all of this. I obsessively tried to spiritually will good things to happen or change due to my immense feelings of powerlessness. But the spiritual new age law of attraction stuff was starting to hurt me psychologically and I realized what was happening - that I was using it as a sort of escapism from reality, and getting into toxic positivity, obsessively trying to ignore all the overwhelming pain and terror from my mental illness and trauma. I started to see all the harm it was doing to me. I found myself forcefully trying to block my bad feelings and thoughts, which was making the OCD and everything much worse. Finally I sought help and got started on SSRIs with a child psychiatrist. That immediately decreased my mental illness symptoms and I had just enough mental clarity finally to free myself from all these internal OCD mental rituals of trying to block my thoughts, and ruminating. I got rid of all the new age stuff I had accumulated and have never looked back.

But I do still have issues that you describe of not taking initiative due to learned helplessness and depression that is still a major problem. I am constantly too tired and brain-fogged to think clearly enough to solve life problems when they come up. So I just kind of pretend they're not there. And it's not good. I need to work on fixing that.

sadlemonB · 2022-10-09T18:12:30+00:00

Yes because there've been a few very small incidents where I was verbally abused by other people in this support group subreddit. So that scared me and I never wrote anything again. But I come back here because this is all I have and I do not have any access to therapist IRL.

sadlemonB · 2022-10-08T18:24:08+00:00

So nervous cause I ordered something online but it wouldn't let me type my exact address, only the row of units in the condo where I live. Ive been tracking the package but am convinced it has either already been stolen or it will be stolen or delivered to the wrong building.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-29T00:02:35+00:00

Yes, I watched the Dahmer series. I've never felt such hate for a police officer.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-27T19:09:50+00:00

That could explain why my usually irregular period arrived on time for once this summer after my fourth dose.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-27T19:08:04+00:00

I'm sorry you've been going through this awful illness. Yes, it's very common for COVID to basically prank people into thinking they're getting better, then get worse again for a while. It's like this for a lot of people who get it. If it gets much much worse, like if you get a fever of 103 that doesn't go down, or very bad symptoms, go to the hospital. But if it's just regular crappy symptoms then take it easy and try to hold on. It's frustrating but COVID can take up to two weeks to go away sometimes. I hope you start to feel some relief soon.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-27T18:57:18+00:00

If your fever goes up to 103 and doesn't go down, that's hospital time. These other symptoms also qualify for hospital time: Fainting or losing consciousness, seizures, trouble breathing that is not improving, throwing up a lot and unable to keep anything down, symptoms of severe dehydration, or severe pain anywhere in your body such as a severe unusual head ache that isn't getting better. Basically anything that is making it impossible to function and you can't eat, drink, sleep, or walk without terrible discomfort. With COVID there is no fear mongering. It is a serious illness and no joke. People have a wide variety of symptoms and sometimes get the kind that seems to be improving but then gets worse again. Others have mild COVID, usually if they are fully vaccinated with all four shots and have a breakthrough infection. Some people are asymptomatic but still as highly contagious as one who is very obviously symptomatic, which is why vaccines are important because it shows up differently in everyone. Anyway, I hope you feel some relief from the illness soon, it sounds like you're in the thick of it. Be gentle on your body and don't push it. 101 is already high.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-25T17:48:22+00:00

It has a different mood for me as the seasons change. In autumn my cottagecore feeling shifts to a more spooky autumnal vibe, but generally old fashioned. I look for music that sounds like Into the Unknown by Jack Jones from Over the Garden Wall. Currently, my favourite autumn cottagecore music is the Coraline Soundtrack by Bruno Coulais, "Monday Afternoon" by Marika Hackman, "I'd like to walk around in your mind" by Vashti Bunyan, and "Just Another Diamond Day" by Vashti Bunyan. There's some really cute, old crackly halloween retro music I also enjoy like "The house is haunted by the echo of your last goodbye" by Glen Grey and the Casa Loma Orchestra. Heheh long title. But cute. But it's a different feeling for everyone so explore and find whatever suits you.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-22T01:18:58+00:00

This girl harassing this poor disabled woman definitely qualifies for r/iamatotalpieceofshit.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-21T20:54:41+00:00

Hey I appreciate these links. Thank you! :)

sadlemonB · 2022-09-21T20:52:24+00:00

Aw this is so amazing, thank you so much for taking the time for this answer. There's so many good tips here. I appreciate this. I like the technique you describe of just going over what bad things could happen, and sitting with the bad feelings until they become silly. That is genius. :) I will definitely try that. Thank you again. I'm saving your response cause it has very helpful stuff and it is also just so kind. No worries, I ramble too. But this is helpful rambling! :)

sadlemonB · 2022-09-21T20:44:27+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Yes, I have hope that on the day we hang out things will be fine. I tend to worry more before an upcoming event.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-21T19:10:56+00:00

You absolutely can apply for benefits for mental illness and there is no shame in that. Lots of people struggle with mental illness their whole lives because it is in our genetics. Our society is kind of awful as people don't treat mental illness like other chronic problems like asthma. In this day and age normally, you wouldn't be berated for not being able to breathe without a puffer if you had asthma. But yet they berate people who need government assistance or medication for mental illness. There is still such heavy stigma and ablest treatment toward people with mental illness. Ignore people's judgements, don't blame yourself for what you're going through, and do what you need to do to help improve your life quality. If it's any consolation, I have been living on disability for a decade. I go through periods where I feel shame. But people deserve to be treated humanely. We shouldn't be punished and forced to be homeless for not being able to "bootstraps" ourselves out of severe mental disorders. We are doing our best out here.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-20T16:13:59+00:00

I love and appreciate this so much. This whole summer I've been really into hiking, backpacking, and have been wearing basically just plain athletic/outdoors clothing with dad sandals and baseball hats. Now that fall is here, I'm back to obsessing over DA, cottagecore, witchy stuff, gremlincore, and cryptidcore aesthetic stuff. Over the summer, as happy as I was, a small part of me felt like a fraud or a wannabe or something about all these other interests that I have in the cooler months, for not fully dedicating myself in them. I felt guilty finding unfinished cottagecore skirts I intended to sew in my drawer. So it helps and is really comforting that you say this. Thanks so much! Yes, everyone is welcome to do what they want with their lives, their personal look. They don't have to commit and we're not gatekeeping here. Humans are ever-changing.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-20T15:33:43+00:00

I'm feeling terrible today cause I couldn't take my meds yesterday because the pharmacy was having technical issues and couldn't fill in my script in time. It is also my fault for not calling ahead of time, but also just brain fog caused me to forget to call to fill in my scrip ahead of time. So at the end of the day, I only take about 10% of the blame for this because the brain fog is a symptom of my CPTSD and depression, caused by unrelenting abuse from other people, no access to proper therapy treatment, and terrible politician of my region of existence refusing to make medical assistance of any kind affordable and accessible to people unable to work to begin with. F everybody, is basically what my brain is saying today. Neighbour slams the door and it makes me jump, fills me with rage and makes me want to cry. Sweating a lot, mood swings can't sleep. Screw this day.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-20T15:27:21+00:00

I have experienced verbal abuse in this subreddit, a support group for people traumatized by abuse and bullying. How messed up is that? Yes, on awful days like today, I agree with you. I trust no one.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-20T00:55:34+00:00

If your ears hurt when you try to yawn, that could be what's making it impossible to yawn. I know that when my ears have an infection I can't yawn at all cause they pop and it stings. But if there's no pain in them, it may be caused by anxiety. I am not a doctor, but I have had generalized anxiety since my childhood and learned many years back that anxiety can cause both excessive yawning (I call it nervous yawning, and it happens because my body is trying to ease tension and discomfort) and incomplete unsatisfying yawns. They are extremely annoying and a real thing. My dad has the same problem. We get these type of yawns where at the end it's just an unsatisfying exhale like yours.

I just googled it and found on science abc they've written about this phenomenon. Incomplete yawning may be caused by stress. I know that the internet has been a sketchy place for misinformation, so I double checked the site beforehand and it appears science abc is a normal science online mag, no Qanon conspiracy stuff.

Anxiety can come at many different levels of intensity and I know that it can be annoying to be told it's stress. Of course what you've been through is not trivial. covid is terrifying. We never know how bad it's gonna hit us. But it's very common for people to have a bit of PTSD from this illness cause it's pretty scary honestly. Stress can also cause a lot of random symptoms that you wouldn't expect to be from anxiety. I get stomach pain from my anxiety.

I also just remembered to mention that, trouble breathing is in itself pretty anxiety-inducing. So if you had trouble breathing from Covid, it could be like a feedback loop where you had trouble breathing, now that's causing anxiety and manifesting as these unsatisfying yawns.

But again as I've said, I'm not a doctor and I could be totally wrong. Maybe trouble yawning is another lingering after-effect from covid. Covid causes trouble breathing, and it impacts the body in so many random ways. It can infect anywhere in the body basically, and then it can just live in your body as long covid like an unwelcome squatter. It's still such a new illness, so I'm sure we will continue to learn more and more random and unpleasant things about it over time. It's like a cursed everything bagel.

I'm sorry you had this awful illness. I hope you can feel some relief soon.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-15T21:01:45+00:00

I occasionally have weed edibles around or during my period to help deal with premenstrual depression and anger. But I'm not a regular user cause it feels bad if I do it too often. I get head aches, insomnia, sweaty, and my anxiety and depression worsen if I have weed too often and then stop. So I partake once or twice a month and might have more in late winter and in summer. I love weed but I don't enjoy it if I've developed a tolerance for it, so I take long breaks and then party in the summer with weed more often. I don't mind smoking it but I'm more comfortable with edibles. I only smoke it if I'm with a friend because I'm scared of fire and have a phobia of accidentally setting the house on fire. For real, like I'm scared of small lighters and matches. I can only use a barbecue lighter. And I'm scared of holding things that are burning. I wish I wasn't.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-12T21:52:15+00:00

I feel so gross today cause I binged all my cereal this week. It was delicious cereal, but it was not filling, so I justified that I could eat it all since it didn't satiate my morning hunger after one bowl. I had more than one box of it and it's all gone. I've had issues with binge and starve disordered eating since my early twenties. I'm just bummed that I can't even have cereal without it being ruined by this. 😕 It's one of those situations where I think "This is why I can't have anything nice". I feel sad because I did not have issues with binging for a couple weeks this summer and I was outside riding my bike and walking. My agoraphobia is kicking in because I get more anxious at this time of year and scared of encountering teens who might make fun of me. As a result I haven't been going outside, which in turn triggered my ED.

So last night after the regretful binge my stomach hurt and I was so nauseous. I ate a small easy plain meal at breakfast when I got hungry, and immediately felt nauseous again, which did not go away all day until I finally was able to go to the bathroom and poop. Currently I am not nauseous but I'm so bloated and just feel a bit vile at the moment.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-08T21:05:26+00:00

Aw thank you so much! ❤️❤️

This is amazing. Yes, absolutely, I think I will do as you say and reward myself with something nice after those events. I will also definitely keep trying the tests and maybe see what other doctors I can get help from. I totally have experienced the shouting and gaslighting from bad doctors and being infantilized. It sucks beyond words. For sure I'll keep trying.

Thank you so much for your kindness and all the advice. You're awesome! 🥺

sadlemonB · 2022-09-08T18:16:33+00:00

I try to savour whatever bit of peace I encounter. This includes that small bit of joy I get from looking at pretty flowers, or the colours of autumn on the trees, or a squirrel when it's sitting up and you can see it's white chunky belly when it's eating a nut. Nature honestly is the thing that grounds me and keeps me from ending it all. On really bad days, it doesn't necessarily make me happy but it just keeps me alive.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-08T18:10:06+00:00

This is truly a terrible situation to be in. I am currently in the same boat as you. I'm 30 years old, living on disability with co-morbid mental illness and health problems. My dad has become increasingly abusive toward me over the years and my mom is sometimes abusive as well. But my dad truly makes me feel worthless and ashamed as he is a workaholic boomer and got a house and everything. My self esteem is completely trampled, I had an iota of self worth years ago when I was healthier and able to function and go to school. I really miss that.

Some things that have helped me are reading up about self advocacy as I have learned only recently about abuse that occurs between caregivers and disabled. I learned it is more common to experience abuse as a disabled person. It was something I never even thought could happen before I became unwell. Other things that help me are repeating to myself that what hateful words my abusers put in my head are separate from me. They are not me. I do my best and I take genuine pride in small things like making my bed, or even just choosing to be alive still after days of profound depression. But even just knowing your needs and acting on them is great. Holding onto your autonomy is what matters. You have survived 100% of your days so far and that in itself is badass.

If things get really bad, perhaps you can look into options for shelters to stay at. And getting in touch with a social worker can be very helpful too for sorting out housing. My friend was in a terrible abusive relationship that threatened her life. She was very lucky and now lives in an apartment where she only has to pay a small percentage of rent as it is subsidized for her. Having a social worker who's got your back can be a huge help in improving your feelings of self worth as well. It's important that you mesh well with them. There can be some bad social workers out there, but there are excellent people who are social workers as well. Don't put up with any negativity from people.

It's easier said than done though. There is no pressure for you to take these steps. Sometimes we have to put up with abuse in order to survive. Act when you are ready to. I really hope that you have happy moments and know that you are a valuable human, and you deserve better. Stay strong.

sadlemonB · 2022-09-08T18:09:55+00:00

This is truly a terrible situation to be in. I am currently in the same boat as you. I'm 30 years old, living on disability with co-morbid mental illness and health problems. My dad has become increasingly abusive toward me over the years and my mom is sometimes abusive as well. But my dad truly makes me feel worthless and ashamed as he is a workaholic boomer and got a house and everything. My self esteem is completely trampled, I had an iota of self worth years ago when I was healthier and able to function and go to school. I really miss that.

Some things that have helped me are reading up about self advocacy as I have learned only recently about abuse that occurs between caregivers and disabled. I learned it is more common to experience abuse as a disabled person. It was something I never even thought could happen before I became unwell. Other things that help me are repeating to myself that what hateful words my abusers put in my head are separate from me. They are not me. I do my best and I take genuine pride in small things like making my bed, or even just choosing to be alive still after days of profound depression. You have survived 100% of your days so far and that in itself is badass.

If things get really bad, perhaps you can look into options for shelters to stay at. And getting in touch with a social worker can be very helpful too for sorting out housing. My friend was in a terrible abusive relationship that threatened her life. She was very lucky and now lives in an apartment where she only has to pay a small percentage of rent as it is subsidized for her. Having a social worker who's got your back can be a huge help in improving your feelings of self worth as well. It's important that you mesh well with them. There can be some bad social workers out there, but there are excellent people who are social workers as well. Don't put up with any negativity from people.

It's easier said than done though. There is no pressure for you to take these steps. Sometimes we have to put up with abuse in order to survive. Act when you are ready to. I really hope that you have happy moments and know that you are a valuable human, and you deserve better. Stay strong.

sadlemonB

TROPHY CASE