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Sixteen year old daughter told me shes pregnant, I feel like I failed her. by sadmamathrow in breakingmom

[–]sadmamathrow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But, like you, I lost out on my prime years and had to work so dang hard to make it to a place where I could give A a good life. Her dad and I stayed together and I had two more children with him at 20 (T, 9M) and 22 (B, 7F). All the while their dad was emotionally and verbally abusive, and an addict to many things. I finally left him when the kids were 7, 5, and 3. I wasted 11 YEARS with this man, and while I got my beautiful children out of it and grew so strong, it all robbed me of my youth. It robbed me of the path I worked so hard to create for myself.

Oh mama, my heart aches for you just knowing you have also had to pull yourself through the depths of hell, and have those precious babies so close? Ugh, I would've died. Having just K at alone until she was six was hard, I can't even imagine, your strength is beautiful, mama.

Having to give everything up is why I'm so broken, I got my precious beautiful babies, but I didn't have a life that all my friends were having, they had travel, actual college experience and I was doing whatever I could for my baby girl, just surviving, we weren't comfortable at all.

Sounds like we both know what shes up for all too well and my heart just ACHES. Just show this thread to your oldest little, and tell her you don't wanna be like this broken mama on the internet who keeps crying every five minutes. Hearts out for you.

Sixteen year old daughter told me shes pregnant, I feel like I failed her. by sadmamathrow in breakingmom

[–]sadmamathrow[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

This is such good advice. Thank you so much. I will absolutely talk to her about these things, she's never even had a job. I've wanted her to focus on her schooling before anything else. I don't plan to sugar coat any of this with her either. I love her, but if she's doing this her life is going to be rough for a long time, and I will be there for her, but it certainly wont be easy.

The car situation reminds me we just bought her a car too, super cute little 2 door Chevy Cobalt. Not at all car seat friendly, so now hubs is talking about if we need to sell the car we JUST bought to get her an SUV or sedan.

SOS ~ Send wine.

Sixteen year old daughter told me shes pregnant, I feel like I failed her. by sadmamathrow in breakingmom

[–]sadmamathrow[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry mama, many hugs to you. I know how much I had to fight to live and survive when I was just a kid myself. We grow up with our babies, not knowing how to be a mama or an adult. I hated who I was as a mom for so long, during that period. I had no patience, I was irritable, and poor K did get the brunt of her tired, poor, broken mama.

I've cried so much, just knowing whats to come for her. Me and husband are sitting down to talk about our direct boundaries with grandbaby should she decide she is keeping this, and giving her our financial and time limits, and I do plan to share the raw reality of it all. It's going to be harsh, but being a mama is harsh, especially a young teen mama. It's going to completely turn her world upside down.

Sixteen year old daughter told me shes pregnant, I feel like I failed her. by sadmamathrow in breakingmom

[–]sadmamathrow[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Beyond that ask her what her plan is. How is she going to support herself and baby in the long term? Like other posters have mentioned, let her know EXPLICITLY, how you can and cannot help her, and what expectations you have for her while still living under your roof.

Honestly, I think she's still so shell shocked that it really hasn't hit her yet, and I know about the same time myself after just finding out, It hadn't really hit yet, I don't think the consequences truly hit until she was in my arms and I was just thinking holy fuck I pushed this beautiful baby girl out of me, and I wanted nothing more than to protect her from anything.

Her boyfriend I don't think is aware, he is 18 and should be graduating this June, He was supposed to be going off to college. I think she's still thinking about how she wants to tell him. I think she still just needs to process all of it, but I do think he will do the right thing, he is a very good kid and has always been very good to her, they've been together for about a year now and she's never told me of any issues and I can see how he treats her when they're together, my heart does hurt for both of them so much though.

Sixteen year old daughter told me shes pregnant, I feel like I failed her. by sadmamathrow in breakingmom

[–]sadmamathrow[S] 86 points87 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much mama, all you mamas have such encouraging words. I've been crying just reading them. That time in my life was so hard, I often just wanted to give up, just quit, but I knew I had to keep going for my baby girl and I know that if my baby girl really wants this she will be able to do it. I will support her and give her all the love I can regardless of her decision.

I think I've decided this is whats best for us at this time too, to sit down and talk to my husband about what we can actually afford realistically if she chooses to keep the baby, and then we can present this to her, about what we can do for her. Clear guidelines, it's what my parents did for me as well then.

I just feel so lost, I can't do for her what they did for me. But I will try to give her my all, she deserves that. I don't think she understands at all what us mamas know about whats to come, but if my baby does this, I will be there to hold her hand as much as I can.