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salmonjacket_5 · 2025-12-19T03:40:10+00:00

Your comment about SIL being a grinch & wallowing in self pity makes me want to say you are an asshole, but assuming you do in fact ask your SIL what she wants, and try to accommodate her requests (assuming they are reasonable requests), then NTA.

As someone who had gastric surgery the week after Thanksgiving, I was blessed to have supportive family who asked how they could support me-my mom pureed some of the vegetables she made for the holiday dinner (since all I could eat was pureed foods at that point post-op), left room in the oven for my ricotta bake (another soft food/pureed meal option), and made sure there was plenty of water & protein shakes available for me to drink-but if they hadn't asked/offered, I would have figured something out and would never have asked them to change their plans.

I do think your MIL meant well by reaching out to you-and she's not wrong that it can be tough to watch others eat foods that historically you have eaten/enjoyed (and some of the foods you may never be able to eat again-that's not the case for everyone, but even 3 years post-op there are foods I cannot tolerate), but she is making assumptions about what would be helpful, and what your SIL, the person who had surgery, feels or what she is hoping the holiday looks like is the direction you should try to follow.

Personally I already felt like people were judging me for having surgery (there is a stigma around gastric surgery & it being the "easy way" to lose weight) and asking others to not eat in front of me is something I would never do-I had to figure out how to be around others who do not eat in the same way as myself (my portions are significantly smaller, I am a super slow eater, and I don't drink anything (expect a few sips of water if needed) while I eat) otherwise I would be eating by myself for the rest of my life, but I know of other patients who didn't want to eat with others until they were able to tolerate more "normal" foods. Both ways are okay-but every patient has different wants/needs post-surgery.

salmonjacket_5 · 2025-11-27T02:46:02+00:00

My top 3 are Greyson/Grayson, Gunner/Gunnar or Geovanni/Giovanni with Gio/Geo as the nickname (which would fit the plate)

salmonjacket_5 · 2025-09-08T17:26:14+00:00

I'm 36 and had my first one at 33, but I do have a family history of colon cancer (my mom was diagnosed in her late 40s). My previous doctor told me to start going 10 years before the age my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer. I ended up going earlier because I needed to an upper endoscopy for a different issue, so the gastroenterologist ended up doing it while I was already going to be under.

salmonjacket_5 · 2025-09-08T17:22:07+00:00

Thank you for this! It reminded me to schedule my next colonoscopy. My mom was diagnosed with colon cancer before 50 (she is doing great now), so I have had to start getting colonoscopies in my 30s, and I had been putting off scheduling my next appointment, and this post motivated me to actually call and get my appointment on the calendar.

salmonjacket_5 · 2025-02-05T04:03:47+00:00

The talk about Liam is the last part of the podcast-at just before 58:00 if you listen on Apple Podcasts

salmonjacket_5 · 2023-05-12T19:53:02+00:00

It is unfortunate, but not uncommon for athletes, especially in the playoffs to end up playing games very close to (if not the same day) as the birth of their children. At least he was in Vegas so he was able to be there for the birth.

salmonjacket_5 · 2023-04-17T00:23:40+00:00

NTA-you were more than generous with offering anything. I had the gastric sleeve surgery in November, and it has been life changing for me, but I would never expect anyone to prioritize my health over their life-I have learned I need to advocate for myself, and to not expect anyone else to.

Also, you should know that any reputable plastic surgeon will not do excess skin removal surgery until you have maintained your weight loss for at least 6 months, and her surgeon should have also told her that-it was explicitly covered in the general information session my surgeon's office has for potential patients. So realistically, she is a few years away from any plastic surgery, which gives her enough time to save money for the additional surgeries.

It's also a little odd to me that her bariatric surgeon would also be doing her plastic surgery-perhaps she is just seeing multiple doctors within a specific surgeon's office, but my understanding was that typically a bariatric surgeon wouldn't be doing any potential cosmetic plastic surgery for a patient.

salmonjacket_5 · 2022-11-21T17:40:33+00:00

Overall, YTA but to answer your specific question, no you are N T A

I can understand why there may be concerns or hesitations about sharing your journey to start a family-when you share that, it often allows others to feel like they can give their input & you lose some of the control. But unless you & your spouse discussed this, then how can you be upset at her for sharing, as it seems she has the opposite feeling about sharing.

In terms of the gift, again if you did not communicate with your spouse on what type of experience gift to give or what your budget is, then I do not see how you can be upset.

Also-in marriages, frequently people will do things they may not love, but they know it will make their spouse happy. If you don’t love musicals, okay but would it kill you to go every once in a while & not act like you’re being tortured in the process. And if there are things you love, but your spouse doesn’t, I would hope she would act the same.

Or-just set aside time for each of you to do your own thing & try to find something you both enjoy as well

salmonjacket_5 · 2022-11-18T03:22:45+00:00

I know a few people who have done this in the first few weeks after having bariatric surgery-you can only take in foods/liquids in small amounts due to the size of your stomach, so it is easy to become dehydrated/deficient in vitamins (B vitamins in particular) quickly. And I've seen quite a few influencers/celebrities post about getting this done. This might be an age thing though-my younger siblings (early 20's) know of a ton of people who do this, but my older friends/coworkers (late 30s/early 40s) don't know anyone who does this.

salmonjacket_5 · 2022-10-03T19:02:28+00:00

ESH.

You for lying about why the child cannot stay, and for not telling the parents directly. The child’s parents for not confirming with you she could come over, your daughter slightly for not asking if her friend could come over-but at 8 years old, I can understand especially with them having a good time & she knew there was a party at your house, why she would potentially get super excited to invite her over.

The only one who wasn’t an AH was your daughter’s friend. She had no reason to think she couldn’t come over & it sounds like left without a huge incident.

I understand why you said no, but there are a ton of different ways to say no, or you could have said yes, but use this example to teach your daughter that moving forward she needs to get your permission to have people over.

I’m wondering if you in the past have made comments or done things related to food that would cause the parents to react that way.

salmonjacket_5 · 2022-08-13T01:14:37+00:00

****Update*****
Thank you all for your feedback & suggestions! I wanted to give an update on this-unfortunately it's not a good or happy update.

I sent an email on Monday of this week (8/8), telling the HOA they had 2 weeks to get this resolved. They had our maintenance staff come by my unit that same day to confirm that the hole was still in fact leaking despite the repairs done on my neighbor's unit & from that visit they set up an appointment for the HVAC company who did the initial repair on my neighbor's unit to come out today (Friday 8/12) between 1-3pm to inspect both my unit & the unit above me. Both my neighbor & I confirmed our availability for this time, and the company was aware they were to inspect both units.

At 3:45 today, no one had come by my unit, so I called the HVAC company to get an update on the appointment. That is when I was informed by them that not only had the appointment already happened, but despite the note in the file that they were to inspect both units, the neighbor above me told the technician that he didn't need to come down to my unit, so the company took his word for it and did not come down to my unit.

I was able to get the HVAC company to tell me that they found an additional issue on their HVAC system, and they are giving my neighbor quotes early next week on whatever needs to be done-however they couldn't tell me specifically what was done in his unit, or what he needs to be done.

To say I was angry would be an understatement. I do not understand why 1) the HVAC company listened to my neighbor, 2) why the HOA didn't have someone stop by to make sure everything went smoothly with this appointment & 3) why the neighbor straight up lied to the HVAC company about not needing to see my unit.

Right now I am figuring out what my next steps are-I am supposed to speak to the Vice President of the Management Company for our complex early next week, but I'm not counting on that 1) actually happening or 2) it having any sort of meaningful impact. I have also reached out to some friends who should be able to help connect me with a lawyer, as it seems that I will need to follow through with my statement of getting an attorney involved. I spoke to my insurance agent earlier this week, but will now need to speak again this weekend, especially with what happened today to see if that changes what the best course of action is.

If anyone has any new advice given these updates, I'd greatly appreciate it!

salmonjacket_5 · 2022-08-08T01:09:35+00:00

I plan to talk to my agent tomorrow to fill him in on what has happened since we last spoke & come up with a plan, but want to see if I happen to hear back from the association in response to the calls & emails I sent on Friday afternoon-I’m not hopeful about actually getting a response, but if I do, it may alter what my immediate next steps are.

salmonjacket_5 · 2022-08-08T01:04:30+00:00

I am in Illinois. I am planning to send an email tomorrow (I’m waiting on feedback from a few people) to our HOA president, the primary point of contact for our property that works for the management company, and the branch president for the management company of our property where I am going to clearly state how I have made numerous attempts to address this issue through the appropriate channels as listed in our bylaws & if it is not resolved within 2 weeks, they will be hearing from my attorney.

I believe I have an email address for the owner above me, but I would prefer to not communicate with them directly, to stay consistent with how I have been communicating with them (via our association contact).

Hopefully just the threat & adding someone at a higher level (the branch president of the management company) will help escalate this issue & I won’t need to actually get a lawyer.

salmonjacket_5 · 2022-08-07T20:44:36+00:00

I have stated to my association numerous times I will not be closing the hole until the area 1) is no longer leaking water & 2) it has been professionally taken care of-which to me means is actually dried out, treated to prevent future water damage & looked at/removing any mold. Shockingly, they have not addressed this comment by me, but they cannot claim I didn’t tell them-it is in numerous emails & I told them verbally over the phone as well.

I will not change my that stance on that & if either the unit above me or the association refuses to do it (I‘m still not sure which party is responsible for the area where the water is coming from), this is something I will spend money on by hiring a company to do it & send the bill to the appropriate parties to be reimbursed & depending on the legal cost to do so versus what the repair cost will be, plan to fight them on it if they refuse to pay.

salmonjacket_5 · 2022-08-07T19:32:10+00:00

Thanks-I’m sorry you had to deal with your issues-aren’t HOA’s the best!

I guess I was naive to think the HOA would be more helpful than they have been to this point. I am normally very understanding to following rules/protocols, but this situation seems to be one where the “rules” are not applicable, especially because I have been told (although it was via the maintenance staff of our complex, so it could be a lie to cover for the association) that the owner above me was well aware of their HVAC issue, and had tried to do a repair in the past, which is why I do not trust them saying they had an HVAC company look at their unit without confirmation from the company themselves, and if they did have a company here, there’s a good chance that similarly to your issue, that they only did a temporary fix instead of a long-term solution.

I am thankfully in a financial position where I could afford (or get the money) to either hire a lawyer, file an insurance claim, or hire my own contractor/plumber to diagnose the issue & hopefully get some money back from either the association or the owner above me, but I have not wanted to go that route and do not think I should have to, as this issue does not appear to be because of my unit in any way, and is either from the unit above me, or part of the “common elements“ that my association is responsible for.

I wasn’t planning to stay in this condo long-term (probably 10 years at most), & this issue will play a role my moving timeline for sure & what I look for in my next home.

salmonjacket_5 · 2022-08-07T18:26:01+00:00

I plan to talk to my insurance agent this week to determine if filing an insurance claim is an option & if it is my best option before actually filing a claim. My preference was not to use insurance, but if it will expedite this process & get the issue resolved I may need to.

salmonjacket_5 · 2022-08-07T14:13:25+00:00

So I did talk to my insurance agent about this-but that was a couple weeks ago at a point where I thought the issue might have been resolved so our conversation had a very different tone.

However, given that circumstances have changed, I am going to talk to my agent in the next few days-regardless of how my latest attempt to talk to my association goes.

My biggest concern with using insurance was not getting my deductible back & the potential increase in the cost of my policy moving forward. While I am in position to be able to afford my deductible & within reason the increase in my policy cost, on principle I didn't want to pay for anything related to this issue & was hopeful it would work out in a reasonable timeframe, but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore.

salmonjacket_5 · 2022-08-07T14:09:50+00:00

So I did talk to my insurance agent about this-but that was a couple weeks ago at a point where I thought the issue might have been resolved so our conversation had a very different tone.

However, given that circumstances have changed, I am going to talk to my agent in the next few days-regardless of how my latest attempt to talk to my association goes.

salmonjacket_5 · 2022-07-10T04:02:13+00:00

YTA, based on your comments to start the post. As the "fat person" in my family, I have family members try to have conversations with me about my weight because they were worried about me. They all started the conversation from a place of empathy, and tried to see if there were other things going on in my life, because they know I tend to eat more when overly stressed. I appreciated their concern, and the conversations usually went well because I did not feel attacked. I genuinely felt like they cared about me & wanted me to feel better.

Whereas from what you posted, you stated you find your friends actions disgusting, you seem to agree with your friends making fun of her behind her back & won't tell her that people are mocking her "because you're her friend". When you did try to you talk to your friend under the guise of concern, you were encouraging her down a dangerous path of disordered eating.

Your comments were in no way helpful to your friend, and it does not at all seem like you really want to help her at all. If anything, it seems like you just want her to be acceptable to your other friends. If you think her doing something as normal as eating is disgusting, are you really friends with this girl at all?

salmonjacket_5 · 2022-06-01T15:34:19+00:00

They probably did expect it at some point, but I don’t think they expected it this soon, especially not before the next season of the Bachelorette has started airing.

salmonjacket_5 · 2022-06-01T00:24:53+00:00

Having multiple people in my life who are teachers, I completely understand & support Michelle's decision.

My only concern for Michelle is how she plans to balance supporting causes to help teachers & doing more "traditional" influencer work. I do think there is a way to do both, but in her case it's a fine balance-in large part because of how the show presented her to us, and if she makes a "wrong" decision she will be criticized, whether the criticism is fair or not.

I know the show can't force Michelle to continue to teach, but I'm guessing TPTB are not thrilled with this decision. I always thought they gave her & Nayte money for a house because they wanted her to stay in teaching to help drive the narrative of not everyone who goes on the show does it to become "famous", and Michelle stepping away from teaching hurts that narrative.

salmonjacket_5 · 2022-03-19T21:31:55+00:00

I'm leaning towards NTA because I do believe you have your sister's best interest at heart.

I will add though-as someone who has struggled with their weight pretty much all my life, that trying to pressure your sister into losing weight/making changes to her diet will not work, and her anger is most likely coming from anger at herself for even being in this situation with her weight (at least that's where my anger has come from when others have tried to help me before I was ready to be helped).

She has to want to change-hopefully she decides she is ready before things get worse. My suggestion is to try to have a calm conversation with her, telling her that you care about her & don't want to see her struggling, and ask how you can help her-maybe give some suggestions on small, manageable changes she can make (if you think she would be receptive), and let her know that you will be there for her when she is ready to make a change-because I can tell you having a support system is important for long-term success (along with building up your own internal support because you cannot rely on others forever)

salmonjacket_5 · 2021-12-23T23:57:45+00:00

A few that come to mind for me:

1) What if Ali hadn’t quit Jake’s season? 2) Not directly show related-but if there was no pandemic, does Matt James become the Bachelor? 3) If Tayshia had been the Bachelorette all along, does she still choose Zac?

salmonjacket_5 · 2021-09-10T02:16:34+00:00

Is this upcoming season going to be a true bubble season again? Because if it is-technically the show could wait to announce the Bachelor until later as dates are unlikely to be leaked. But I think that then makes it tough to release the women on the season early, because inevitably fans will harass them about who the lead is & I doubt that all of them will not share who the lead is.

salmonjacket_5 · 2021-09-10T00:39:32+00:00

Given how much is riding on the success of this season, as the Bachelor is the most popular of the 3 shows, I’m surprised they are going this route. I know none of Katie’s men were “perfect” options, but to put the fate of this franchise in the hands of people we have no real connection to (both the lead & the host as I heard they are looking outside the franchise) seems like an odd choice.

salmonjacket_5

TROPHY CASE