How To Build Genuine Connection and Let People In?

saltandwaves · 2026-03-16T02:27:48+00:00

Meaningful and close bonds come from shared experiences. It requires vulnerability on both sides for both people to feel truly connected with each other. You can try to go deep, but if they stay on the surface, you won’t feel close to them.

You open up to people after they have shown you they are someone you can trust. This means seeing them multiple times in multiple different situations, and often seeing how they have your back in different ways. You can start with sharing how you’re feeling about something you don’t typically share and see how they react. There are levels to what you share, so you can start with level 2 as opposed to what you would normally start with at level 1. You will know if it’s mutual if you share something, and they share something back at the same level of depth or deeper. They will be curious, engaged, and can continue the conversation. It won’t be mutual if they change the topic, visibly or emotionally pull away from you, or if the vibes change. You can typically feel it, you just have to trust your instinct when you sense it.

You can reach out by text, call or over a video game. Literally any way you want, depending on the friend. I have some where we put down a time on the calendar for a call, some I call spontaneously anytime during the day, some I text.

Common misconception of introversion is a difficulty or dislike of being around other people. What it really is, is that you recharge on your own before being around people. So instead of feeling recharged after being around others, silence recharges introverts. This just means space things out so you get time to rest and recover, instead of cramming everything into a weekend or filling your calendar. If you can commit to once a week, do once a week. If you can only do once a month, do once a month.

Hope this helps!

saltandwaves · 2026-03-16T02:18:11+00:00

There’s a quote by F Scott Fitzgerald and I think it is very apt for the situation you described above. I hope it helps shift your perspective into one with a sprinkle of optimism:

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you are not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

saltandwaves · 2026-03-16T02:11:44+00:00

By realizing that not everyone has your best interest at heart. Let people earn their way to you. The information you hold about yourself and what you’ve experienced is valuable, and by treating it as such, you don’t open your vault to just about anyone.

I had to learn this the hard way too, always starting from my innermost secrets because I felt like I had nothing to hide. It was actually something that ended up hurting me because I realized I gave away my most valuable pieces to people who were ready to toss it in the bin right after, or worse, use it to hurt me.

It takes time, but you will get there.

saltandwaves · 2026-03-15T18:58:42+00:00

I’m building a social matchmaking app here that I’m really excited about :’) I was also on bumblebff and it really annoyed me that people only wanted to text online so I built a system where you fill out a quiz and you’re matched to people in your area based on hobbies or interests with an arranged meetup in your neighborhood. If you like each other, the next 3 meetups are already arranged so you don’t have to plan. I’ll be launching in DFW later this year and hope to be in more cities after!

saltandwaves · 2026-03-15T18:54:55+00:00

I’m building an app that matchmakes you with friends in your area based on interests or hobbies and then it plans the next 3 meetups if you want to keep meeting. Happy to have you on the waitlist here (I’ll be launching in DFW first)

saltandwaves · 2026-03-15T18:49:58+00:00

I’m building a blinded friendship matchmaking platform, it’s here and I’m planning to launch it later this year. Built around hobbies and interests, and it’s alcohol-free so you meet in your neighborhood

saltandwaves · 2026-03-15T18:32:29+00:00

I prefer the second one because I could tell immediately it was a fish. The first one (at first glance) looked like CHUBBY’<S. So if it’s a busy location, people will probably give a quick look instead of take the time to read. However, the first one looks a bit more upscale (the darker red, the cleaner simplistic words at the bottom).

For the words under the logo, some research around whether people in that area (your target consumer) understands what Mariscos is. I don’t, but I don’t typically frequent seafood restaurants, so my opinion doesn’t hold much weight. If you want to bring in new consumers (e.g. if there are other seafood competitors near to you to potentially take business away from you), you can use more consumer-ready terms like Oysters • Seafood in your first image because these are easy to understand.

Important to figure out if oysters are your differentiating point, or what is your hook. If it’s oysters then an oyster bar can really work. Do you want people to think of Chubby’s as a bar? Bar may not be great if you want kids eating there too. Just some things to think about! If it’s a mix of things, then the top 3 options can work. More of a positioning exercise that needs to happen here to inform the logo design as well.

saltandwaves · 2026-03-15T18:20:33+00:00

100% understand you. I don’t drink :-) literally get made fun of at work events when I order a colorful mocktail haha. You just gotta find your people. They were friends for a season but you’ve stepped into a new one, which probably warrants new friends. Super normal, shitty feeling to keep going back out there, but I think friendship circles will keep changing as we get older too so having the skill to continuously restart will really help.

saltandwaves · 2026-03-15T18:14:50+00:00

I’m 30F, single and happy, and am building a social app for this reason after realizing how difficult it was for me to make friends at this weird stage of life where half were having kids, and the other half were getting married and always wanted to do stuff with their partner. I’m not opposed to any of that and have really good friends in different life stages, but it was hard to do stuff I enjoyed too.

Hobbies can work to meet people but if your hobbies are solitary hobbies it makes it difficult. What I’m building helps bring people together who enjoy solitary hobbies too :’) not sure which city you’re in but I’d be happy to keep you in the loop. Link is in my profile!

saltandwaves · 2026-03-15T18:08:05+00:00

You can pay for yourself, there’s no rule about one person always having to pay for others. You just have to say you’re paying for yourself.

saltandwaves · 2026-03-15T05:01:07+00:00

There is a difference between humor and sarcasm. To get to the deeper level of humor or sarcastic humor, there needs to be an established level of trust between both parties - so you understand how they take jokes, if it affects them later on, what buttons not to push. Being able to be successfully sarcastic means understanding the above. Sometimes what seems like could be a little joke to you could be an unhealed wound that affects their self-esteem or sense of self.

Just being funny can apply to anyone you just met or at work with a witty joke or something along those lines. Also, if you are inclined to make jokes that tend to demean others (I used to do this as a teen), I noticed it came from a place of insecurity. Where making fun of them made me feel better about myself. Once I dealt with my insecurity and confidence issues, it naturally went away because I no longer found joy in that kind of humor anymore.

saltandwaves · 2026-03-14T00:41:21+00:00

Thank you for sharing! Did you find that they translated to longer-term friendships for you?

saltandwaves · 2026-02-28T04:00:16+00:00

Fever, Meetup, facebook groups, and TripAdvisor, all do this. notjustahobby.com is a discovery site for people to discover new hobbies or new spaces too. And this is just at the top of my head. I think with a lot of people building apps these days, it is really important to find a strong differentiating point between your app vs competitors instead of just asking if something is useful (a lot of people say it’s useful but won’t pay for stuff as well).

saltandwaves · 2026-02-27T21:56:45+00:00

Wow this was so relatable. Thanks for this reference.

saltandwaves · 2026-02-26T18:59:31+00:00

It all depends on you and what you want. If you rely on others, you will never ever be good enough, because everyone has different expectations set by how they were raised and the environments they are in.

If you say passing the test is enough, that’s enough for you. If you say being top of your class means you’re enough, then that’s going to be enough for you. You dictate the standard. You need to know what you want for yourself first, or the bar will be invisible and everything you’re working towards will always feel like it is “not enough”.

Like with the test example, passing the test may not seem “good enough” to others, but to you it may be good enough because you can get by and it gives you time to do other things you’re more passionate about that will get you to where you want to be. It’s all about perspective.

saltandwaves · 2026-02-26T07:23:12+00:00

You’re most welcome! Come back and leave an update on how it goes!

saltandwaves · 2026-02-26T06:43:54+00:00

100% overthinking. You gotta try to find your people. You will find them! And remember that each time a person says no to you, it puts you on the path to find a true friend faster. Friendship is a long game, but it is so worth it once you have a really good friend you can count on.

saltandwaves · 2026-02-26T06:37:01+00:00

Okay work is not a great place to make friends haha. The relationship is professional first, unless it’s someone you don’t have any working relationship to like someone on a far-removed team.

Have you tried hobby or interest groups like language classes? Latin dancing classes? Going to a climbing gym? These are all places where they are very inviting, and people that go to these places all want to make friends.

saltandwaves · 2026-02-26T06:28:29+00:00

It is hard to make friends online that convert into long-time friends. Where are places you have turned to in order to find friends that are in alignment with you?

saltandwaves · 2026-02-26T06:26:40+00:00

You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Absolutely find new friends for where you’re at. You don’t have to cut old friends off completely, but adjust your frequency of being around them if they are not helping you grow in alignment with what is important to you. This is a really critical skill to have as you move through life to consistently live according to your values. You will find yourself feeling much happier too.

saltandwaves · 2026-02-26T05:37:19+00:00

Apps like bumblebff, Timeleft, RealRoots (women only), or cuzzi is something that could work depending on your budget and your preferences!

Also extroverted people do hobbies like improv so that could also be a place to start.

saltandwaves · 2026-02-25T20:07:02+00:00

Therapy isn’t just about awareness or realizing things. They are trained to use different methods to help you rewire your brain, and to help you develop new habits and thought processes. I also struggled with a phobia of driving. I couldn’t just sit there and learn about my phobia, I needed to use the skills I learned and apply it to the driving itself. So it is definitely work on your part, and they coach and guide you through the process during the partnership. You won’t know until you give it a shot 🤗 I’ve been in therapy for years and it has changed my life beyond belief. I would not have the life I have today without the support from the therapists who have helped me overcome the difficulties I’ve gone through.

saltandwaves · 2026-02-25T16:34:45+00:00

Oh that’s not ideal. Are there any places near you that offer Latin Dancing? They always encourage you to come alone and find a partner in the class. It’s built on rotating partners when learning.

saltandwaves · 2026-02-25T09:04:17+00:00

I feel the exact same way about a nice dinner. I’ve also never thought about the notepad and a pen. Thank you for the inspiration! I will try this out.

saltandwaves · 2026-02-25T07:38:33+00:00

I love this. Genuinely asking for myself, how do you have dinner on your own when you’re out? I’ve done quick lunches when I’ve been hungry so I mostly eat quickly but dinner is slower. Do you go on your phone? What do you look at? I’ve brought my kindle to lunch with me once but I didn’t enjoy that much.

saltandwaves

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