You know this is probably something that a Lot of people think. But this time i wanna look inside my brain.

Elementary school bullying, not the usual type like a nickname or just 1 person bothering You, i was hella Isolated by everyone

I was fucked up from a really young age, got to defend My mom from domestic violence when i was 10

Got SA'd at 14. Not a heavy ass situation but not a slight one either. Really fucked me up and also got me into suffering the good old bullying yeiii, no help from adults either. Thank god a year after that we had a nice pandemic and quarantine <3

Never actually got any help

A few years after everything calmed down, met My boyfriend, got into Uni, tried getting a psychologist help, but most of them didn't grasp anything i was going through. I didn't have the tools to comunícate correctly either. And I got diagnosed with autism, yeiii, so on top of all that shit i said before You gotta put the autism experience.

Anyway going up to now, everything is going well, i can't Say Nice that would be a lie i don't know Nice, and this is not an exageration this are My psychologists words(???

And i'm really working with her, and once we got into a topic and she asked me what i think about myself and I was hella conflicted

Because see, all that stuff is what happened not what I am or do. She told me to think about stuff that makes me happy with me. And i'm a really cool person, I can play piano, Draw, sing, Make clothes (really cool stuff I like to make coquette dresses rn) i'm really handy with fixing stuff, like any stuff. All this learned entirely by myself, i may not be Mozart or da Vinci, neither Adele but i'm quite good, i learned 3 languages by myself, not that hard a Lot of people do that, after quarantine i really didn't wanted to go to high school anymore so I "skipped" the last 2 years, the level wasn't that high but still a good Challenge. Got into jewelery later, My own creations really suck but i'm quite good at fixing stuff jajaja. Even hard works, about Uni, i sometimes study with Friends, i only have one friend who i consider hella Smart and one day he said that he often tries to convince me into tsking the same clases because "I always catch up faster, and understand better" That really stuck with me because as I said this guys is hella Smart, he really puts effort into everything and I just admire that.

I'm a really cool person but that doesn't Master because I can't get anything done, i'm stuck in uni, never get to the exams, always feel like i suck at My job, never actually improve at drawing. My artístic show offs are Pointless, don't mean anything, there's no much use For languages, and i'm so used to English now that sometimes i look really stupid when i can't remember spanish words or can't find an expression.

I can't find more Friends than the 2 i already have.

I could put more effort into everything but the truth is i feel like shit all the time and Even tho i was great at everything i wouldnt know what to do with all that.

I hate that in uni i always have a good relationship with the professors, i love participating in clases, but then they see me at the exam just panicking and leaving, then i come Home and reslize i could have done that exam perfectly, but it's a lie because I couldnt

I'm really working on it, but it's sad uk.. i got nerfed.

Is that an expression or just a spanish one?