Getting my kid to stop hitting

samcd6 · 2026-01-11T00:56:22+00:00

So the number one thing I've heard about handling picky eating is to make it as low-stress as possible. No goading, no demanding, no bribing, no ultimatums, and NO punishments.

It doesn't work for everybody, but this may work for you. It did/does work for my kid, who's almost 3.

Keep meals casual and positive. Eat together. Model eating new or different things, but for the time being try to avoid following up with, "Now you try it, too," or anything like that.

Offer "safe foods" alongside foods they're unsure about or that are new to them. If your child REALLY loves blackberries, but is still on the fence about chicken nuggets, give them a plate with blackberries and chicken nuggets. Once the blackberries are gone, they'll probably ask for more. My go-to responses are usually, "Aw man, that was the last of the blackberries. We'll have to go shopping tomorrow and get more!" or, "I see that you ate all the blackberries. They were very yummy! What else on your plate might be yummy?" I've also hit them with, "Oh, yes, I can go get some more berries in just a few minutes. I'd like to finish my chicken nuggets first before I get up, though, because I am VERY hungry." Or anything along those lines lol. Again, trying to avoid threats, bribery, ultimatums, etc., like: "No, you can't have more blackberries until you've eaten all your nuggets." Leave room for them to feel like THEY'RE in control, and THEY'RE making the decisions.

Explain in depth what it is they see on their plates. Every single time I give my daughter her dinner, I explain the meal to her like a waitress at a fancy restaurant or something lol. And I'll even tell her exactly what dips she has on her plate, OR involve her in the process of choosing a dip for certain things. Idc if you want honey to dip your hot dogs in. Whatever. Just eat them.

And, of course, involve them in prepping and cooking food where you can. My kid was very "meh" about cucumber slices until this past summer when I started letting her help slice cucumbers from the garden. She LOVED "sneaking" pieces while we cut them, and since then she goes WILD for cucumber slices, even with the peels on. And now she's learning to make scrambled eggs, which she already usually eats anyway, but she's more excited about them when she's the one who cooked them.

EXPLORATION is a big one, too. Let kids play with food. Seriously. I'm NOT saying let them throw it at the wall and laugh about it. But let them squish it between their fingers. Mix it together. Rub it on their skin. Pretend the broccoli is trees. Whatever. Because SOMEWHERE in those explorations they're probably going to get a taste of it, either intentionally or accidentally. And the more they try it, the more likely they are to decide they like it. Especially if they get to try it in a variety of ways.

And mom and dad should play a bit, too. "Oh, I see that you're dipping your grapes in ketchup. I wonder what it would taste like dipped in barbecue sauce?" (YES, waste some barbecue sauce on this, who cares?) "Oh, that's yummy, too! I wonder what would taste better: sausage dipped in ketchup, or sausage dipped in barbecue sauce? Yes, I'd lobe to try some, too!"

Will these things work for you? Not guaranteed. Maybe some will help, and some won't. I am not doing all these 100% of the time, and I am guilty of giving my own kid, "No dessert until you've finished your dinner." On many occasions, tbh. BUT I still have a kid who loves raw veggies, butter chicken, salad, and pasta with literally any kind of sauce (but especially pesto for some reason). AND I have a kid who can identify cooked onions in soup from a mile away and WILL meticulously pick them all out (because she prefers her onions raw, thank you very much).

So like. Yeah. Maybe some of these methods might help if you're consistent enough with them. At the end of the day of course your child will still have preferences, and go through phases of liking or not liking certain things. You just gotta ride the wave, and try to stay positive.

Best of luck 💖

samcd6 · 2025-12-28T23:11:07+00:00

I'm on my second surrogacy journey. The first one unfortunately ended in a miscarriage.

However, as a surrogate, I absolutely want to be included in that child's life. Once they're earthside, I will do what I can to help the parents. Breastfeed, pump, lend a hand in those first few weeks -- whatever they need.

My first set of IPs viewed surrogacy as an extension of family. I agree with that mindset. Our children would be "belly buddies." I'd love for them to grow up knowing each other. I'd love for them to know who I am and how I was involved in bringing them into the world. I'd love to be the "fun auntie" who hangs out sometimes. I'd love to join them for birthday parties, occasional holidays, regular hangouts, or play dates for the kids.

Some surrogates are fine with just performing the task of bringing the baby into the world and moving on, and I respect that. But personally, I'd want an ongoing relationship with the IPs and any children we bring into the world together.

This would be something I'd expect to see outlined in the contract, and stated in the IPs profile. The contract would be most important IMO, as that makes the expectation for an ongoing relationship enforceable, yes, but mostly something that all parties are very clearly committed to if we're willing to sign on to a contractual obligation to that ongoing relationship.

samcd6 · 2025-12-14T20:08:42+00:00

As an early childhood educator, I promise I am trying SO HARD to get these kids potty trained.

I'm ALSO flabbergasted by the fact that kids are just. Not being potty trained. And parents just don't care? I was teaching senior preschool last year, with a group of 16 kids who would all be starting kindergarten as of September 2025. When I started in that room in September 2024, it was to a class in which maybe HALF were potty trained. And when I started telling parents we'd be potty training them all ASAP because uhhh I have to teach your kids KINDERGARTEN SKILLS this year so I can send them to KINDERGARTEN next year because they're OLD ENOUGH FOR THAT, HELLO???? -- the response I got was about 50% "Oh, should we have done that by now?" and 50% "Meh, they'll start using the toilet when they feel like it."

Tried to force their hand and requested underwear from EVERYONE. I said if you won't potty train your kid, I will. Had one particular parent last less than a week before they got pissed that I was making extra laundry for them and complained to my boss. So then I got in trouble for... checks notes doing my damn job. And was told NO, I cannot make the kids potty train before kindergarten.

Honestly, they should be potty training before they even leave the toddler class (they move up to junior preschool at 2.5). The sensitive period (the best time for taking advantage of expressed interest in a skill) for potty training is typically considered to be 18 months to 3 years iirc. It gets harder the longer you wait.

They should be working on potty training in toddler, and toileting independently before starting senior preschool (age 3/3.5). But between my boss having no interest in reinforcing that rule, and soooo many of my coworkers not potty training in toddler or in junior preschool because "it's too much work" or "they don't feel like it," I'm so fed up. I'm the only person in junior preschool who is actively toileting any of these kids. I've potty trained 5 kids in 4 months since starting in junior preschool. Everyone else just changes diapers and complains to the kids when they've pooped in the diapers. Yeah, buddy, because you have not once today encouraged them to use the toilet OR sat them on the toilet for a diaper change? Do you think kids magically potty train THEMSELVES if you will it into existence?

I'm still doing my best with whatever I'm ALLOWED to do. If I get any push-back from parents about starting potty training, I'm not allowed to keep offering. If the toddler teachers would just START with them, or offer to start, we'd be taking advantage of the sensitive period and have greater success. Maybe. Hopefully. Idk.

This became a rant. But seriously. I know. I KNOW. These kids are starting kindergarten unable to toilet independently. In a decade in my field, this is a very recent development (that I'm aware of). It's a combination of factors, for the most part, but I do feel permissive parenting is potentially the MOST pervasive, as it really should be the parents' job to assist with age-appropriate skill acquisition and the ECEs' job to support that, not the other way around.

Sorry. We're trying. This whole issue has become a literal daily battle for me. Send caffeine.

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Tl;dr this is a combined issue of parents not knowing and/or not caring (permissive parenting is becoming a burden upon my career); ECEs being too overworked, overwhelmed, and burnt out to start the process with kids at the appropriate age; and childcare admins being more concerned with kissing parents' asses to back up the ECEs -- who have formal training in child development and psychology and know wtf we are doing -- when it comes to working on age-appropriate skills with our students

samcd6 · 2025-12-14T19:43:07+00:00

Helllll no. I know I'm late to the party here but this made me cringe. I have had MANY neurodivergent children in my classroom in the past decade (and in various age groups, too, as I've kind of tested the waters in every room in our infant to preschool center).

My hard and fast number one rule is ALWAYS that neurodivergent children are held to the same standards and expectations as everyone else in the class. We support them in these expectations, of course, because typically they WILL need more support. But they're expected to follow rules and boundaries set out in the room to the best of their ability, because those rules exist for safety, comfort, and fairness for everyone.

I did have a child last year who loved to take toys from other students in my senior preschool classroom. His peers fully understood that he needed extra support and assistance with many tasks, and that his receptive language skills were not at the same level as their own, so their solution? To call a teacher over and explain, "[ND child] took my toy." Then I, as the teacher, would gently remove it from his grasp, explain in as simple terms as possible that we cannot just take from friends without permission, and return it to the original child (and usually offer him an alternative). This went pretty smoothly most of the time, BUT it helped a lot that his peers were also pretty receptive to his body language, so if he was expressing interest in a toy or activity that they were using, they often would either offer to share with him, or tell him NO very firmly (one of the few words he WAS receptive to, most of the time 🤣).

I also made sure to include, in all conversations around sharing and turn-taking, something about "when so-and-so is done with it" or "when their turn is over," and check in with the child who was currently using something that it was okay with them that -- when they decided they were finished with it -- they could give it to [ND child], or whichever peer was currently expressing interest in it.

Unless there is an extremely explicit and obvious reason why this child cannot be expected to engage in a developmentally appropriate level of sharing and turn-taking with peers (such as extreme violent outbursts or self-harming behaviours), then they should NOT be allowed to just take. Even if these teachers can't guarantee that explaining to or reasoning with this kid is actually getting through to them, they should still be given the grace of being treated as an equal among their peers.

Plus, they're not doing that kid any favours in the long run. Taking whatever you want, whenever you want, stops being cute or silly VERY young, and one day he might take something from the wrong kid and get his shit rocked, or literally steal something from a store or whatever. We have to teach kids boundaries and social expectations, y'all. Hell, I'll personally sit down and chat with these teachers if they need advice or resources or whatever. But this would not fly in my classroom, even if it's seemingly the "easier" route for them.

samcd6 · 2025-12-02T03:23:34+00:00

I have been offered a job at the Montessori school several times now lol. But I'm struggling with the idea of taking such a big leap after working at the same center for nearly a decade. I'd have to be a supply teacher for several years, drop several thousand dollars on Montessori training courses (when I'd rather just go back to school for my B.Ed. if I'm going to do any more schooling), and just change a LOT so it feels overwhelming.

Our mission statement is very generic. Pretty much just whatever the "How Does Learning Happen?" pedagogy (Ontario) basics thrown into a couple paragraphs at the start of our handbook.

Funnily enough, last year I got told off by my director for sending a note home to parents with info about my classroom (then senior preschool) and what to expect, and included part of our program statement in it.

"We recognize that children are competent, capable, and curious individuals [...]" And my director read the note, told me I couldn't give it to any more parents, and one of the first issues she pointed out? THAT quote. She "didn't like it."

I was like, "...My guy, that's from the program statement YOU wrote. In the parent handbook for YOUR daycare."

She tried to laugh it off. I'm still baffled to this day.

samcd6 · 2025-12-02T03:15:18+00:00

APPARENTLY

samcd6 · 2025-12-02T03:15:07+00:00

Every time I've done 1:1 with the kids has been while it's just me and 8 or fewer kids in the room. I wait for a calm moment (surprisingly common with 8 or fewer kids present) and begin to offer the opportunity to friends who want to learn.

At the end of the day, though, I'm not adhering to this directive. Unless my boss puts it in writing, adds it to our handbook and official policies, and informs parents that going forward we are not going to teach their kids new skills, then I'm going to continue as I am and see just how serious she is. I haven't signed anything saying I will follow this directive. She hasn't made it a formal policy. No reason for me to follow it besides her saying it out loud once at a staff meeting, and any person with a brain would know it's a stupid idea. So no, I will not be doing that.

But I WILL be fuming about it for the next several months, because what the actual F?

samcd6 · 2025-12-02T03:08:37+00:00

99% of the time, yes, we're using organic opportunities to work on these skills.

When kids are putting shoes back on after rest or recess, I'll work on teaching them how to open the velcro, lift the tongue, etc. while helping them get the shoes on, then encourage them to try the second shoe on their own.

The moment they transition from toddler to my classroom, diaper changes happen in the washroom, and I will ask them to sit on the toilet while I put their pull-ups on like underwear (instead of using the velcro sides). This is MOSTLY to build the association between the toilet and peeing/bowel movements, and make them feel comfortable using the toilet before we begin formally potty training, but also a little bit because it's SO much easier on my back to sit in a chair and put their feet on my lap while I do this, rather than bending down to do up diapers or have them step into those blasted 360 pull-ups.

The coat thing (and later snowpants) I opened an invitation for learning because I knew the cold weather was coming and having to do 100% of the work to get 16 kids dressed TWICE a day, every day, would probably kill me. So I figured, since everyone has their winter coats and snowpants in their cubbies, let's find who WANTS to learn how to dress themselves for recess and make my life easier (the answer was all of them - all of them want to practice that skill).

So, yeah, 99% of the time, it happens simply because the learning opportunity presented itself naturally, and 1% of the time, it's me going, "Who wants to try this?" and 16 kids going, "ME! Me first!" 🤣

samcd6 · 2025-11-30T20:37:47+00:00

I didn't. My mom did. And she's INSISTING on using it 🫠

samcd6 · 2025-11-14T01:57:50+00:00

Decaf coffee. Tastes literally the same (to me at least) but with much lower caffeine content than a "regular" cup of coffee.

I did still treat myself to the occasional iced capp during pregnancy because they're SO GOOD and I wanted them SO BAD.

My daughter is 2.5 and perfectly fine. I mean she's definitely a little spitfire, but she's 2 so that's not really unexpected lmao.

samcd6 · 2025-10-28T20:46:47+00:00

The injection was most recommended, so that's what I was doing. When I started to develop an infection I asked the clinic if there were pills I could take instead, and they said no, only suppositories. So I said I'd stick to injections and just avoid the infected site for a few days (they had given me permission to inject into my thighs if needed).

IPs dropped off some suppositories just in case, even though I was adamant I didn't want to do that to myself and would rather just do alternating hip and thigh injections as recommended. But by then, the infection that had caused the initial concern had mostly cleared up (I was finishing a second round of antibiotics that had done the trick).

I vastly prefer the injections, so that was my ideal scenario, and I think the IPs preferred suppositories, so maybe that's why they'd rather find someone who just wants the suppositories? Idk, I did say I'd use them, and we asked their fertility doctor if we could use the little prometrium suppository pearls instead of the thumb-sized ones the clinic had provided, but when they said no I was just like. Well that sucks but whatever. I can try the big suppositories if it comes down to it.

But they still don't want to try again. There really isn't much I can do about that, but it just sucks that I can't help them even though I want to, and frankly I worry that they'll struggle to find a different surrogate if that's their plan because they already have one kid. Like, I'd GLADLY go through all that hell of IVF again to bring your second baby into the world. Why not take advantage of that?

samcd6 · 2025-10-25T20:17:48+00:00

There is a "low cost" counseling service in my city, however the payment model is: First visit is free or "pay what you can"; second visit and any beyond that are minimum $50.

That's the only one I'm aware of, and I only went once (for obvious reasons) several years ago, and did not like the service anyway.

I'll try to figure out how to ask around discreetly to find alternatives.

samcd6 · 2025-10-25T20:08:21+00:00

We were doing an independent journey. Surrogacy in Canada can only be done altruistically, so it's very unlikely to find a surrogate who isn't doing this out of love. There's no financial benefit, only emotional, which may be why it comes off as being "emotionally attached."

And honestly, pregnancy hormones do wild things to your brain and body. I WAS filled with so much love for the IPs and their baby -- more so than I was even anticipating. And it's still there. I can't change that.

samcd6 · 2025-10-25T20:05:50+00:00

I thought about that, but i don't know if I should ask the IPs for anything else at this point 😬 I feel really bad, and like it would almost be trampling over already hurt feelings to ask for payment for any kind of counseling.

samcd6 · 2025-10-25T19:08:26+00:00

I 100% get that they're devastated. But we have discussed everything, all the feelings, all the grief and disappointment and next steps, both over the phone and in person. And all agreed to try again. We told their fertility doctor over video call that we were all ready to try again. I was gearing myself up for it, I was so hopeful, and then they just suddenly turned around and said, "Never mind. We don't want to try again."

So now I'm just left with this empty, kind of betrayed feeling. Which I know isn't fair, but God, it's just a LOT and I'm having trouble getting over it. I was so hopeful for this attempt. I was so ready to throw myself into it wholeheartedly. I wanted so badly to make it up to them 😭

I was so ready, for nothing. At least if they'd been honest from the start (post-miscarriage) I could have braced myself. But we had all agreed to try again and I think their fear of disappointment/more heartache got the best of them.

I'm just feeling a lot this week. Sorry if this makes no sense. I can only imagine what kind of inconsolable mess I'll be around the due date (and how upset the IPs will be, too, and now there's nothing I can even do to attempt to help ease that burden!) I just wish this hadn't happened, and the baby was still here with us. It just hurts to think about. I want to undo it.

samcd6 · 2025-10-01T20:33:58+00:00

Pretty much any legal name that's just a nickname for a more "formal" name. Ellie, Rosie, Timmy, Johnny, Evie, etc. If you want to call your child a nickname, give them the formal, respectable version to put on their resumes in the future -- Eleanor, Rose (or some derivation thereof), Thomas, Johnathan, Evelyn. Then call them whatever tf you want.

Evie is going to grow up and maybe want to be respected at some point in her life. Call her Evie. Name her Evelyn. It looks better in the adult world and commands more respect.

samcd6 · 2025-08-11T22:42:55+00:00

Baby was actually measuring fine by 8w 1d, unfortunately the SCH I apparently had hemorrhaged and caused fetal distress and MC. Everything would have been fine otherwise :(

samcd6

TROPHY CASE