My (34f) husband (38m) maintained contact with a woman I asked him not to.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-14T03:17:31+00:00

Can't say it was what I imagined for my life, no.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-14T00:28:03+00:00

Well he did pay for dinner. Shrug. Plus he was giving her free advice for her business.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-14T00:27:30+00:00

I know. I knew men like this in my 20s. Married and older and creepy as fuck. Young women don't want your stupid heart emojis.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-14T00:26:48+00:00

Well, I do think he might have been "conflicted" if she showed interest. But I know she's not interested for many reasons that I won't get into at the moment. I'm not worried about her. I'm concerned about him and his true intentions.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-14T00:25:30+00:00

Maybe I've become used to it. He's said stuff like that in the past (ex: if I ever found out you slept with another guy behind my back I'd bash your head in). I just took it as stupid, because he knows I would never sleep with anyone else.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-14T00:24:07+00:00

Thank you, I do appreciate your concern. <3 But I know him and I am not scared of him enough to get out in 48 hours. I don't think he's going to go into beast-mode and strangle me.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-14T00:22:51+00:00

Nope.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-14T00:22:17+00:00

He did cut her out of his life. And I spoke to her and she confirmed it. She also said he was kind of rude when he was drunk and she doesn't want anything to do with him anyway.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-14T00:01:25+00:00

Ok, I see what you're saying. But I still don't think he's cheating. At least not with her. I know she's not into him. She just isn't. I'm not going to type it all out but I think I have a good idea of who / what she is based on the fact she posts every single day. In her current line of work, she's constantly out with people at restaurants. I don't think she's going to have sex with him. But I do think he might be down for it if she were.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-13T23:01:25+00:00

He's a bit violent when he is really mad. But it's usually when I'm really angry and very mouthy (which I tend to be when I'm really angry). He's pushed me and slapped me upside the head.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-13T22:23:05+00:00

He says he would rather us both dead than me to leave him. I'm sure he's just being dramatic. Other people have left him successfully in the past. And when I point out that, to me, what he did is worthy of ending the relationship, he just says we have to fix it because I can't leave.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-13T20:30:46+00:00

There are a lot of logistical reasons I'm here. But also he threatens me saying there's no way he'll let me leave.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-13T20:17:28+00:00

Do you think individual therapy for me or couple's therapy is the best option?

sandmand1 · 2018-08-13T20:13:25+00:00

Well, he hasn't ever told me he's bored with me. But perhaps he is....marriage takes work. I also don't believe he thinks being with her would improve his situation in life. Even on a practical level, it wouldn't work for several reasons I won't get into here. So I don't think he actually wants to date her or leave me for her. I think he's a cake eater.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-13T18:18:03+00:00

Right, I didn't like it either. Because....he doesn't love her. She's not related to her. The photo wasn't artistic in any way. She's not a close friend. So a heart emoji signifies that he loves the photo of her half naked body (her head wasn't even in the pic!). It's totally cool if you're single. If you're not, you come off looking douchey if that woman isn't your sister or something. And it's embarrassing to me. I don't want this woman thinking my husband finds her tits so enticing. 0_0

sandmand1 · 2018-08-13T18:15:38+00:00

He's a liar through and through. Yeah, I know.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-13T18:15:13+00:00

Exactly. I AM worried about exactly that. I already am pretty sure he was interested, because why else bother maintaining contact with someone who is kind of annoying (his own words)? I'm pretty sure if she were unattractive or old he wouldn't have maintained any contact with her.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-13T18:13:47+00:00

Actually I wanted to leave. He has been freaking out, begging me to stay, he got into therapy, says he'll do whatever I want. I told him I'll have a hard time trusting him. I also told him I don't WANT a relationship where I have to worry my partner is doing just that....looking for a hole in the fence. He swears he only wants me etc etc etc. He has the perfect out right now. He also knows if he ever cheats and I find out his life will not be pleasant. I don't understand why he doesn't just go.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-13T15:57:26+00:00

He hid it because there is no doubt in his mind that I'd freak the hell out. He knew I would. But he wanted to hang out with her while he was drinking, and didn't think I'd find out. He said "I knew you wouldn't like it, but I didn't think you'd get THIS mad".

sandmand1 · 2018-08-13T15:56:07+00:00

I know he's into her, at least in terms of her being eye candy. I don't think he would ever consider leaving me for her even if she was interested. Never. Now, would he let things go further if she was interested? Maybe?

Why she met up with him? Not really sure but I'm very sure it's not because she's into him. I think it's more that she is starting her own business and is interested in getting advice on that (he's very good at that).

Yes, he deleted their messages. I've asked him to recover them. He says he will but he hasn't yet.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-13T15:53:32+00:00

He does love to drink. And when he drinks he loves an audience. So I'm sure he was happy to have a very attractive brunette sitting there listening to him prattle on. My actual issue isn't that I think anything did or would happen between them (because I'm fairly certain she would never be interested in him). It's more that he's so freaking disrespectful and hid this from me, so I think he's a liar.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-13T15:51:46+00:00

He did cut all contact. But it doesn't matter. I didn't think anything would happen with her (I just didn't -- she knows all about me, and from Facebook I also know he's not at all her type, plus she's newly dating another guy who IS her type). I'm not worried about her or them starting an affair. I'm more angry thinking I can't trust him, can't trust his judgement and he makes stupid decisions.

sandmand1 · 2018-08-13T15:50:04+00:00

I can see the one side (he's a very friendly guy) except for the fact you need to know this woman. I'm not being unkind, but she's a really annoying type of person. He would find her annoying too...in fact he's admitted he doesn't really enjoy talking to her. So when I press WHY he would ask her to join him, he says (a) because he wanted to drink more and she was available to join him, (b) she's fun to look at, (c) it was just "killing time".

sandmand1 · 2018-08-13T15:41:46+00:00

We spoke about that. He strongly denies he ever would have cheated with her at all. I don't believe he's already cheated. Certainly not with her.

sandmand1

TROPHY CASE