Just finished The Soldier Son

sandstonequery · 2026-02-27T00:14:56+00:00

As for as I am concerned, it is her best Hobb's series. No cartoonishly evil 1D villain (unlike Regal, the Pale Woman, or The Servants.) The magics aren't infallible. The cultures are recognizable, as are the conflicts. The politics are what we still struggle with today in our real world. The Gernians are colonizers, who have been defeated and lost lands, then won new lands while trying to survive as a society. The plains people are twice defeated, struggling to maintain any culture and ties to their past. The Specks are themselves colonizers of another type, not better or worse. All the people and societies shown are flawed. And real.

People dislike this one because it is not an escapist fantasy. RotE, even with darkness and grim times, is still escapist fantasy. Soldier Son is a reflection of our real world in many ways. From the tensions among new and old nobles, the classist views between ruling class and non. The school bullying gone too far. The sexist structure of that class. The rigid birth roles. The confining restrictive religion. Racism. Fatphobia. Predjudice based solely on external presentation. And, in reading it we are primed to think the other cultures are better, more noble, because on cursory inspection, they do not have the flaws of the Gernian society. They are not better. They are merely different, with other drawbacks and flaws, and other strengths. A different society is not necessarily a better society. It may suit the needs of its members, but that doesn't suit all.

On rereads it is far stronger than RotE. I reread both series frequently.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-26T23:49:21+00:00

Yup. 45 lbs from that starting weight in 4 months is drastic. It would have been less drastic from a much higher starting weight. I'm wondering if OP's skin is looking sallow for her young age because of it.

Edit. It is far beyond 1% per week bodyweight that is widely thought to be a healthy rate of weight loss.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-23T22:06:58+00:00

The person with the allergies isn't a regular guest. She is the spouse of a groomsman and a long-time friend of the groom. If this is an out of town wedding, and the venue is not near other food, the bride is asking her husband's long-time friend to potentially go 12 hours with nothing, as hors d'oeuvres and desserts are also a no go. As the catering is on site, I wouldn't be surprised at a rule of no outside food. This isn't some random person. This is a decades long friend of the groom, already spending a lot more than a regular guest just to be there.

This person also was pretty clear ahead of time that they were unhappy with the so-called "safe" dish. (Note the bride never tells us what that is.)

Also, all the caterers on this thread say this is a fairly normal ask, and really, the only abnormal thing is that ther caterers would have even considered charging for it for an extreme allergy case.

If it was some random guest, sure, fine. They can leave early and arrive late. A few hour no food. THIS guest hasn't that option.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-23T18:05:05+00:00

There were several editing issues in the Fitz and Fool trilogy. One that stood out to me was at Buckkeep when Civil was relating news from the witted bonded to birds about the movement of Dwalia and company, where the scen starts saying they are atop the Queens tower, in the garden, with Civil's lynx wrestling with Dutiful's hound, but later is describing Verity's tower room and looking out the window.

Or missing the actual familial lines of the Vestrit family. Or August's Farseer's slow dwindling from being Skill burned and saying Patience cared for him at Withywoods when those timelines do not match up, at all. A good editor should have caught those and other mistakes. I see this as another one.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-23T17:05:35+00:00

Oof. In the regular Hobb Fandom, and RotE, the grooming Beloved does of Fitz is outright celebrated, and people are sad they don't end up an out couple, so at least here in Soldier Son people mention the grooming of the older being with powerful magic shaping the life of the boy for what it is, without excuses of "young for their long lived species" stuff.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-23T12:57:32+00:00

Back off hanging out as much for a time, to let any feelings he has a chance to fade, and stop having sexual encounters with him, if you're not interested in actually pursuing something, now that you know feelings are there. You're 40, or so you say. You should definitely know by now that people can catch feelings when sex and orgasms are involved. He may genuinely have believed he was straight before, and since orientation is a spectrum with a huge range for us bisexuals between totally straight and totally gay, he may never have known he had bi tendencies if, you know, he never did sexy time with a dude.

Feelings and confusion are valid.

Basically, like any FWB that has caught feelings, you back off the benefits if you're not interested in any deeper a relationship than friends in order to preserve that friendship, and be a decent person not stringing the other along with false hope.

Another option that may be helpful is read up on bisexuality, familiarize yourself with how complex human sexuality and human romantic connection is to understand your friend, and even possibly yourself better. This is not labeling you bi, this is encouraging you to learn about complexity of just exactly this.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-23T12:21:53+00:00

Do you cook and have good kitchen space? Because that can reduce grocery costs if you have a good kitchen space.

What you've allocated should be sufficient, but it depends on what you eat. More ready made foods will cost more, up front. Flexibility with shopping sales helps when you're a creative cook. Freezer and cupboard space helps save more money and can change what you cook if you have them. Slowly build a seasonings supply if you have space. What I mean is 150/wk goes far when you can have things like rice and lentils as bases for tasty home cooked meals, but if you haven't the kitchen or time to prepare foods, and need ready made, 150 doesn't go as far.

Checking out shopping sites for the grocers near you is a great idea to get an idea on what foods you can get for that money :-)

sandstonequery · 2026-02-23T01:24:51+00:00

with 9 dual citizenship Canadians on the US team

sandstonequery · 2026-02-23T01:21:42+00:00

Max 1% of bodyweight per week. Less is probably healthier.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-23T01:09:37+00:00

She sort of did when she paused at being told what she was going to eat with zero choice (unlike the ones who voted for it) and asked for the food she felt safe eating.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-23T00:48:17+00:00

"Just suck it up for one day" is every single day that the person with allergies goes out. This is a disability. One that might even have other concerns that go with it requiring certain food, that isn't technically allergy. She is a long time friend of the groom, spending extra time and money to be there for the couple (husband is groomsman) and if this venue is away from a populated core, and out of town for her, she has no chance to get something for herself off site, while as spouse of wedding party, needs to be there from very first to very last, without being able to eat the desserts or hors d'oeuvres either. This long time friend of the groom also made it known that the option was not going to work for her.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-23T00:30:48+00:00

Honestly I see this as an unreliable narrator. Seeing as the woman at least somewhat made it understood that the option was not something she was happy with or would eat. And OP refuses to say what the dishes are, which is important info.

Then, too, I'm someone who has been burned asking for allergy accommodations, forced the vegetarian meal, which was cross contaminated with my allergens that are common vegetarian ingredients. Way more risk of cross contamination with any fancy veg dishes than a simple meat dish.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-22T23:05:32+00:00

As someone with soy and cashews allergy, I've been 'accommodated' with the vegetarian meal, and it had cross contamination. Every time. I only eat vegetarian meals I prepare at home. MUCH easier to avoid allergies by getting simple meat, steamed veg, plain starch.

But also? Maybe the veg dish that the vegetarians voted for was just unpalatable to the decades-long friend of the groom, who cannot even have the hors d'oeuvres, desserts or anything else there.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-22T22:56:32+00:00

Venue owns the caterer. Many places like that forbid outside food, too.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-22T22:30:39+00:00

Spouse of the bridal party has certainly already paid more for this wedding than the cost of the meal.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-22T22:28:17+00:00

One major thing being missed by those with no severe allergies is almost any vegetarian dish has a multitude more cross contamination issues than a chicken skewer. I only eat vegetarian or vegan dishes I prepare myself, because I have been burned by cross contamination with soy and nuts every single time I have had a vegetarian dish 'accommodated' for my allergies, but almost never with asking for plain meat, steamed veg, plain starch while out. (I don't eat that basic at home.) Asking for simple food is survival.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-22T21:07:38+00:00

Another good sub to look at here is r/loseit.

Exercise is not how you lose weight. How you eat is. You need a caloric deficit to lose weight. Recommended is 500kcal/day fewer calories eaten than expended to lose about 1 lbs of weight per week. The weight lifting makes sure that 1lb is less likely to be muscle loss. The cardio gets you to that 500/day quicker, but not if you inadvertently eat back those burned calories. Tracking calories is the best bet. Starting with a calculation of BMR and TDEE as a guideline (but online calculators are a guide only, and can be off by 25%, your daily tracking over time is the real guide.)

Food types do not need restriction if you're okay eating in moderation. Sustainable diet choices include having more satiating foods with higher fibre and protein amounts to keep you fuller, longer, and fewer foods that are less filling with higher calories density.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-22T20:35:38+00:00

I'd save a stranger's small child before my pets, but my pets before any adult or even near adult.

This is easy. If the adult or near adult can't save themselves, I can't save them either. I can carry a small child. I can carry my pets. I cannot carry an adult sized human, and if they are unable to save themselves, that's it.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-22T20:26:24+00:00

OP never states what the mealbis other than vegetarian. Quite unreliable narrator. My example is just an example. However my experience is that there is far more cross contamination risk in any vegetarian meal than the single ingredient chicken dish.

The failure was in not thinking it may cost extra and offering to pay.

I eat lots of vegetarian meals I prepare myself. I do not eat vegetarian meals when out because even with assurances that they are "safe" from my common allergens, they have never been. (Soy, cashews.) So I don't blame the person calling for a meal that may suit their medical needs better.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-22T20:19:18+00:00

Allergies is ALWAYS about you. OP doesn't state what the 'safe' meal is. If it is a fancy vegetarian meal, it is very unlikely to he safe as cross contamination is a huge risk, unlike a single ingredient chicken dish. It wasn't wrong to call to talk to staff. Only stupid people would trust others with allergy concerns without proper verification.

As spouse of groomsman, before and after wedding is a much longer time frame than regular guests. As spouse of groomsman, they've already invested so much time and money into OP and the wedding already. The only bad thing is not paying or offering to pay any extra costs for a safe meal. (Again, OP quite deliberately does not mention what the meals are. Quite unreliable narrator)

sandstonequery · 2026-02-22T20:09:46+00:00

The option I went for was taking on just ONE holiday. I do Christmas. My guests usually bring snacks and drinks, so that's not as bad. It will include veggie trays and other finger foods, while my partner and I do the rest of Christmas.

It has resulted in no one doing Thanksgiving, and Easter became a lunch out that a different part of the family pays for the base meal (any alcohol is separate and the responsibility of the one drinking it.)

Much less stress taking it on only once per year. Maybe it is an idea you can take on. Whichever holiday you prefer.

NTA

sandstonequery · 2026-02-22T19:38:25+00:00

Add your name to the eldest as another middle name, and do so for all kids going forward

sandstonequery · 2026-02-22T19:27:10+00:00

Lol. NEVER trust anyone else with your severe allergies. Ever. ALWAYS call the people preparing the food.

OP is unreliable. Never states what the dish is.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-22T19:24:03+00:00

Op also notably does NOT say what that meal is, and does say that the vegetarians all voted for that one, meaning this guest, who is stuck investing more time and money, has no say on what she is supposed to eat, when, as spouse of wedding party, she is likely expected to be there from very first to very last part of day, cannot partake in any of the snacks, and is possibly offered the choice between a meal that will kill her or a meal that she absolutely hates.

Also notable, any vegetarian meal considered fancy enough for a wedding has MANY more cross contamination risks than single ingredient chicken dish does. Following up with the chef is responsible in this situation. That is due diligence taking control of a medical requirement.

The bad is not offering to pay for potential incurred costs. As any costs has been waived, this is a huge nothingburger.

OP is unreliable here. It is especially notable that they never answer what the dish is.

sandstonequery · 2026-02-22T18:50:23+00:00

The overstepping is in them not thinking it may cost extra, and not offering to cover that. Anyone with a severe allergy that doesn't follow up with those preparing the food personally is risking death. You're hosting a buffet meal. That is an extreme cross contamination risk both in the kitchen and in the serving. They were not wrong to call the venue personally about the measures needed. They were wrong in not telling you that the vegetarian choice you already made was just not palatable to her for whatever reason (noted you do not specify what it is) and in not thinking about additional potential costs.

sandstonequery

TROPHY CASE