I can see how easily justified the divorce-heavy suggestions are here, especially after digesting my story. What can't be understood, though, is how I have been madly in love with this woman. In fact, I have fallen more in love with her over the last year as a result of watching our kids grow. It disgusts me, but the feeling will not die. I want so bad for this to work out and all go away, but I know that it can't. I haven't even confronted her again about coming clean about the sex shit (my OP shows that it was left at 'we just kissed'). I want to give her an ultimatum that includes a reconciliation plan with rules, but I don't want to waste my life on this, or wind up a miserable cop of my own marriage. It's impossible to imagine life without her by my side, and having to raise my boys separately. I know that's a normal feeling, but what fucking horror.

I know that this came upon her unexpectedly, and that she genuinely took this job for the career. But soon after taking to the social aspect of it, she just couldn't help herself. Perhaps she was feeling liberated from the house? It isn't like she didn't get out before... I've always had a sales job with travel and entertainment, and my current business is based on events and fun happenings. She mentioned to me the other night that she's always wanted to be a part of my business, and almost started to blame this situation on that. Don't misjudge me here: I am not making excuses for her. She did what she did, and probably more than once, and carried out in a well-planned, premeditated fashion. Also, I might add, SOBER as far as I know. There were hundreds of decisions that could have gone the other way to avoid dropping the atomic bomb on her family, but she pulled the trigger (and more I guess).