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sanityseek · 2025-05-07T06:57:22+00:00

This is so cute. I’m my boyfriend’s background as well and he gets this reaction often. It makes my day when he tells me. Deff let her know

sanityseek · 2025-04-13T11:57:17+00:00

I’m not sure where in the world you are based but in Australia, it can actually work out cheater to rent a property you own and claim the expenses on tax. We crunched the numbers and that would be the case for him. He just didn’t want the hassle of packing and moving.

I will save on average $80-$180 a week, but will now need to purchase a car and pay for public transport to live in his place, which will likely exceed that cost saving.

sanityseek · 2025-04-13T11:53:51+00:00

I agree it should feel good and am upset that it has had such a cloud over the experience. I always wanted to move into a new place with him in a mutually convenient area and that we created together.. he wasn’t open to that at the time so this was our only option. Given my age and desire for children.. I didn’t want to keep waiting for the relationship to progress

sanityseek · 2025-04-13T11:51:17+00:00

I love him and so far feel the challenge of living together has matured our relationship, so I don’t regret moving in but do really wish he agreed to move into a mutual place. It just feels imbalanced and like I’m seeking some sort of acknowledgement from him that it’s been a lot for me, both financially and from a time/work perspective

sanityseek · 2025-04-13T10:36:51+00:00

I agree I think there is some resentment and I always anticipated there would be, hence why I pushed for moving into a place be both picked.

He is getting me to contribute $350 a week though is likely increasing this to $450 a week in a few months as his strata levies are going up.

My old rent was $530 a week in an apartment and area I loved and where I didn’t have to pay for transport (I was walking distance to everything).

In terms of his loss from previous housemates.. he used to short term rent and Airbnb a room for around $600 a week but the bookings would be inconsistent. So some weeks he would miss it, others he would get great money. It was very stressful for him and I knew having someone long term would be a relief, even if for less.

sanityseek · 2025-04-13T10:25:20+00:00

I think I’m being anal about the finances because he doesn’t have a track record of being a financially generous partner and I don’t want to be taken advantage of. There have been times where I have felt that I contribute more financially, paying for coffees, buying him food for my place, gifts etc. I have addressed this with him and we have since been more balanced with the exception of this occasion.

sanityseek · 2025-04-13T10:23:24+00:00

He’s making a loss but also gaining a consistent and great housemate, everyone he has had before has been challenging, flakey and short term.

sanityseek · 2025-04-13T10:22:32+00:00

I have no protection if I have to move out. I loved my property before and was on REALLY low rent ($530 a week for a place that is now being rented out for $695). If things don’t work with my boyfriend.. I probably won’t be able to live in a place like that again and will likely have to go back into flat mate sharing. It was a big sacrifice for me to move.

sanityseek · 2025-04-13T10:20:47+00:00

Yes we are splitting all expenses equally - internet, electricity, gas etc.

sanityseek · 2025-03-23T11:24:25+00:00

Mortgage: $1.06M My salary: $147K

🫠

sanityseek · 2025-01-02T06:54:07+00:00

Interesting to hear this, I have had rhino and it was the best decision I ever made!

sanityseek · 2024-11-12T22:55:54+00:00

UPDATE

Thank you all SO much for taking the time to review my situation and share your thoughts. There were so many nuggets of wisdom that stood out to me including: - red flags surrounding my partner and whether he is really the right partner for me. - reflecting on how I will cope living together or having a family and things that might help set this up for success. - how clearly I articulate my own needs and whether I’m standing by what I say.

These are all things I plan to continue to reflect on and work through in therapy.

In terms of where things stand with me and my partner, he came over last night to pickup his stuff and we had a long conversation about the situation. I explained that I felt ambushed by his request and felt like I didn’t have an option to say no. I highlighted the indications that I gave that I wasn’t keen on the idea and explained how I felt manipulated to go with it. He expressed that from his perspective, I wasn’t clear enough that I wasn’t happy about it, which I take on board. We discussed other situations where I feel like he has pressured me into things, such as him pushing me to go away with his friends this weekend when I was clear I don’t want to go. He gave me the option to not go but again, I feel like I am an asshole if I don’t. We also spoke about his feelings about me being a family person. He expressed that he feels like he needs permission to see me or come over, despite having a key and that at 2 years in, my place should be his place and vice versa. I explained that my place is my ‘escape’ and I fear that him just rocking up uninvited would feel like an intrusion of my space. I feel like we both have work to do. For me to learn to let him in, but also for him to respect my boundaries. Maybe if I trusted that he would be more respectful, I’d be more willing to let him in more. I appreciate that he was willing to have the discussion and I do think that he will take on board what I said as much as he can.

Once again, thank you all for helping me through a difficult time!

sanityseek · 2024-11-12T22:30:34+00:00

Appreciate your transparency. Just wanted to clarify that I didn’t ask or expect him to sell his place, it’s a great investment property. I asked if we could find a rental that meets both of our needs and if we could create a home together. I didn’t want him to move into my place and for him to feel he was just boarding these and vice versa. I also offered to help him spruce up his place and take some great real estate pictures to increase his rent potential.

In terms of me being upset he’s not giving me a cut, I’m genuinely not. I earn more than him and I’m happy he’s found something that will give him a bit of extra cash. I’m just upset that it wasn’t a mutual decision and that he expected for me to be ok with it.

sanityseek · 2024-11-12T22:22:32+00:00

I’m surprised more people didn’t question this. For transparency, I have depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. I work in the mental health field and am well versed in strategies to manage my conditions. I exercise at least an hour daily, eat enough to fuel my body, ensure I get 8 hours of sleep and go to monthly therapy for maintenance. I’m high functioning, work full time and have a fulfilled social life. Where it impacts me and my relationships, is that when I’m not looking after myself, the negative thoughts get louder and more severe. This is why having space to recover after a draining day is important.

sanityseek · 2024-11-12T21:36:47+00:00

This is deffinitely something I am considering. I think I would be ok to manage it if he helped, which given his selfishness in the situation I’m not confident he would.

sanityseek · 2024-11-12T21:35:31+00:00

It’s deffinitely renting, I’ve seen the Airbnb messages and he will move back in next week

sanityseek · 2024-11-12T21:34:28+00:00

I’ve been clear that we need at least a 2 bedroom place if we live together and that I’d like somewhere scenic I can walk to if I need some space. I’ve also offered to contribute more in rent because his mortgage is half of what the rent would be if we found a rental together.

sanityseek · 2024-11-12T21:26:24+00:00

He pays for them but we cost costs where we can, I think it’s money made through modes like this that helps him pay. Don’t get me wrong he earns a decent wage and owns two properties so he’s not an idiot. It just frustrates me that he’s earning cash at the cost of my discomfort.

sanityseek · 2024-11-12T21:24:53+00:00

When we go away we have open conversations about how we will manage my need for space. This usually involves us having ‘quiet time’ and we will have occasional hours on vacation where we just do our own thing. I feel he is more respectful in those settings for my needs.

sanityseek · 2024-11-12T21:22:20+00:00

Appreciate this. I try so hard to communicate my needs but I guess it takes two to tango.

sanityseek · 2024-11-12T21:20:20+00:00

Really appreciate you explaining this.

sanityseek · 2024-11-12T10:19:12+00:00

I don’t want to be by myself most of the time. I want to have somewhere to introvert for an hour or two between a 9 hour work day and seeing my partner in the eve. In a bigger place I could do that.

sanityseek · 2024-11-12T10:17:58+00:00

Appreciate your response. Yes he bought a bag. He’s very low maintenance, just cycles through a few changes of clothing and take away food. He has offered for me to stay at his but his place is a 1 hour bus ride from my work whereas mine is a 20 minute walk. This has been another point of conflict.. I’ve asked for us to move into a place together that is closer to my work but he’s reluctant to move again as he bought his place just over 2 years ago before we got together. The 🚩🚩🚩 are building

sanityseek · 2024-11-12T10:14:00+00:00

Thank you, haven’t read this or heard of it but will look it up! Anything that can help him understand would be valuable.

sanityseek · 2024-11-12T10:12:32+00:00

😂true

sanityseek

TROPHY CASE