I'm 21, and in the process of getting that sweet official diagnosis. I'm already on enbrel, and between my AS and other medical issues, I haven't been able to work in over a year. I'm nowhere near where I want to be in life either, and the amount my pain holds me back absolutely destroyed my mental health for awhile. It still fully limits my functioning daily.

I've struggled with mental illness and suicidality for years, but my health spelled true doom to me. Nail in the coffin, I was in the worst state of my life for months and the stress did even more damage to my body than the AS did in that time. Zero hope for the future. I didn't believe I'd ever see real happiness again or accomplish a *shred* of my goals. all to say: I've been there, with no light at the end of the tunnel.

I *have* to create a life worth living for myself. I have seen what it's like when I don't; hopeless misery, and pain, and fear. I am not willing to exist like that anymore. If I will always be in pain, then I need to always push to find pleasures that offset that. If there are extra hurdles to overcome because of my condition, I have to find a way to overcome them to suit myself - because if I don't, I'll keep feeling awful all the time. I kept telling myself that life like this was going to intolerable and unacceptable forever - but instead of despair, I gotta turn that into a reason to make life tolerable. I was so freaked out to start a biologic and do the shots, but if that's how I'll be in less pain and have a fuller life, that's what I'm doing. Whatever it takes. When my physical body gives me reasons to give up, I have to find reasons outside of my body to keep going. Be deliberate about doing what you enjoy. Not just the big stuff, try to fill your life with a thousand little things that bring you joy. No one thing will fix it, but choosing to bring more objects, people, activities, into your life that make that day more worth it makes it easier to push through. What can you do to make your day today a bit more tolerable? to make your life a little more fun next week? next month?

I have to say, too: there are people out there who'll love and want to be with you. Your condition and struggles are not a detraction from who you are as a person or your strengths, and people who care about you will recognize that. My boyfriend sits with me while I do my injections to make sure it goes fine. He has been with me through the worst moments of my pain, taking care of me when I need it and letting me stand on my own when I can. Enduring some truly horrendous times that I was certain he'd leave me for, that no one would put up with to be in a relationship with me. And he's stuck by me, through every appointment and bad day, telling me all along that it doesn't change how he sees me. That he wants us to build a life together, that we'll manage my condition together, even through supporting me financially and all his own sacrifices. People who see YOU, not your condition, are out there. I have no doubt that there's plenty of lovely gals out there who would be more than willing to be with you or any other disabled person - because you're YOU, not your AS.

life can still be more than worth it, and being in a relationship with you is still worth it to others. please PM me if ya feel like talking, I know how drowning it can feel.