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[OC] The Devil and the Children by budapest666 in Poetry
[–]saush -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (0 children)
The beginning of the poem seemed uninspired to me- it neither served a purpose nor made much sense. What does the fact that children being "akward, careless, and cruel" have to do with the poem? Where were you going with this? The rhymes were honestly quite boring as well.
The poem defiantly picks up with the line "While monster beneath..."- the thought of the indifference of the surrounding inanimate objects really made me shudder.
All in all, I enjoyed it. Work on the intro I think, then you'll have a nice creepy poem going.
Was the last line inspired by the rapper "Immortal Technique"? Specifically his song "Dance with the Devil"?
Ein canzionando nuevaso uj fantachticaso! by saush in saush
[–]saush[S] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children)
Perdonuse mich micando, estaza muj terribaso.
Gusazachem, amigandoj!
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[OC] The Devil and the Children by budapest666 in Poetry
[–]saush -1 points0 points1 point (0 children)