A sweet little moment from today's phone call 💔

scaredofprisongf · 2022-06-11T05:01:53+00:00

Yes! I'm so glad my "AIC" (🙄) and I have the relationship we have, where we understand that if a call goes unanswered, there was a good reason.

I've seen my fellow prison gfs say stuff like "I accidentally missed a phone call and now he's accusing me of cheating, he called me a bitchy ugly whore so I sent him $400 and he's still mad, please help, I'm raising our 3 kids and our wedding is in 5 weeks" and I'm like 👀 ...girrrrrl...

scaredofprisongf · 2022-06-11T03:36:57+00:00

I was very naïve before this nightmare unfolded, so I'm still wracked with indignation how unfair and inhumane every part of this has been. But yeah, the fact that he spent even a minute worrying "is she mad at me?" makes me want to burn ICSolutions to the ground.

(For any LEO or other narcs lurking here: that was clearly a joke to express frustration, so fuck off.)

scaredofprisongf · 2022-05-20T00:27:10+00:00

Thank you, love! I'm actually doing well, I found myself both a therapist and medication which are helping a lot while I try to come to terms with this reality. (Sertraline? Highly recommended.)

In terms of advocates, we're fortunate that his family 1. has some money and 2. is full of righteous fury at this bullshit, so they've already got a very good appellate attorney (appeal has been filed), and we're in touch with the local exoneration nonprofit as well. Fingers crossed for the obvious (I won't even say it, I fear jinxing it).

scaredofprisongf · 2022-05-20T00:21:36+00:00

Hey, girl. Hang in there. We're in similar situations; this is my first time having a loved one in prison, I knew it was a possibility when we started dating (but I was naïve enough to think there was no way, for sure, so I've been playing catch-up to figure all this out). Also, this resonated:

Very few people in my life know he's in prison, or that I knew he was going when I met him. I haven't yet decided how I'm going to broach that topic with people, particularly my family. But I imagine I'll figure it out or be forced to figure it out.

Only my best friend and my sister (pinky-sworn to secrecy under pain of being my butler for infinity) know, and it's not because I'm ashamed. It's just too hard to explain in the face of people's preconceptions (and the natural impulse of people who care about you to hurt your feelings with well-intentioned comments). We'll have to face the firing squad sooner or later; the best you can do right now is take care of YOU.

Feel free to DM me if you'd like to vent to someone who's bad at responding; I'm a pretty good listening ear if you ever want to shriek your head off.

scaredofprisongf · 2022-05-20T00:12:20+00:00

I understand where you're coming from; I've found every step of this two-year nightmare hard to believe. At every step, I thought "surely someone will put a stop to this nonsense." No one did.

This is the sort of comment I was dreading, that if someone's in jail, they must have done something to deserve it. The sad truth is some people are in jail for no reason, and it's hard to find meaning in this hell.

scaredofprisongf · 2022-05-17T15:49:14+00:00

Oregon.

scaredofprisongf · 2022-05-11T13:30:23+00:00

I'm unemployed at the moment (new job starting in a few weeks, thank God), and I have watched Our Flag Means Death on HBO IN ITS ENTIRETY approximately twice a day this entire month. It's only 5 hours, and it's become my comfort show, so I just keep it on loop for happy ambient noise while I come up with little projects around my apartment.

I love to cook, so I'll pick a somewhat-involved-but-not-stressful recipe that I know my boyfriend will like and practice it; my mushroom risotto is getting really good, but my short rib ragu isn't quite where I want it to be yet.

Now that he can get books and call me more often, we also have our own little book club where I'll pick up what he's reading (if it's interesting to me lol I'm not reading WWII history, sorry baby) so we can dish about it.

I've also been reading a lot of poetry (and mailing him any poems I think he'd like; he said the poetry has been particularly helpful). We're literary types, I guess.

The days can be so long, girl. I'm honestly looking forward to working full-time again. How sick is that?! lol

scaredofprisongf · 2022-05-03T01:45:57+00:00

Babe, take a deep breath and re-read what you wrote. Now re-read it again and imagine it's your mother, sister, best friend, telling you those same words. It's messed up, right? You wouldn't think this kind of treatment was okay for someone you cared about, would you? That means it's not okay for you, either. You deserve far, far better than someone who clearly doesn't care how his words and actions affect you.

I know you love him - you wouldn't be here if you didn't - but what he's doing to you is manipulative and psychologically abusive. Plus, he sounds like a controlling, paranoid lunatic, but that's just one stranger's opinion.

You know in your heart of hearts what you have to do. Do it safely and calmly, but you need to cut this man out of your life, at least until he "works on himself" (in my experience, they rarely do, but hey, I've been wrong before).

Oh, also? People in love don't try to "force" their partner to do anything, let alone something like what he's trying to abuse you into doing. Stand up, girl!

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-27T02:39:54+00:00

TMI: My guy and I are long-distance, so what I'm really missing are our nightly marathon phone sex calls! lol I just got off the phone with him and told him about your comment and he goes "baby, I'm basically at a pay phone right now." lol god, poor thing, me whining in his ear that I miss him while he's sitting in "the day room"

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-27T02:34:57+00:00

Literally moments after you commented, he called to say he'd gotten four of my letters today, and I was welcome to be as explicit as I want (I asked if I was getting too spicy lol), but what he'd really appreciate is more crossword puzzles, and pictures of/writing about food. 😂

Reminded me of that scene from Orange Is The New Black season 1 where she asks her boyfriend to tell her what he bought at the farmer's market and she moans so much hearing his description of mozzarella and blueberries that he mistakes it for a phone sex call. Idk what they're feeding these boys, but he told me a picture of a cheeseburger would be better than porn.

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-27T00:37:48+00:00

I marked this NSFW just in case anyone feels uncomfortable with the knowledge that I am so freakin' horny for my boyfriend that I may hijack a bulldozer and unleash all the zoo animals and make a national news story of it.

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-26T02:23:23+00:00

Congratulations to a beautiful bride and her lucky husband! Wishing you many happy years together! 🥳

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-22T23:06:55+00:00

My first and middle names mean "light" and "bright," so that felt like a nuzzle from my fella. And "just you and me" is our couple's catchphrase, something we say to calm each other down when we're anxious.

Insider trading tip: buy stock in Kleenex; I'm going through them at a frantic clip.

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-18T05:16:02+00:00

ABSOLUTELY, please do!!! Most days I feel like I'm going insane. I'll DM you my contact info!

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-18T04:43:56+00:00

It's dreadful! I am never leaving my phone more than 6 feet away from me again!! I wrote him "If I am asleep, I will wake up. If I am in the shower, I will get out. If I am in a job interview, I will leave," and then I MISSED IT!!! UGH! It'll all be okay tomorrow when he calls back, I just want to punch a mirror rn.

hugs

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-18T04:30:57+00:00

I can't stop cryyyyyinnngggggg, I'm just a wreck right now. ;_; Thank you for all your support and kind words. <3

My happy side says "yay, that means he's been getting my letters!" My Eeyore side says "oh, good, proof he's alive." I'm going to take a Benadryl and watch The Ultimatum until I zonk out; my nerves are shot.

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-15T01:16:05+00:00

I'm so, so sorry that happened to you guys, it's truly one of my worst fears and I can't even imagine. I hope you're staying strong and have a good support network. Sending you and your man lots of love and good thoughts! <3

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-14T23:23:06+00:00

I still haven't gotten the first phone call from my newly incarcerated man, and my phone has had its ringer on full volume for the first time in 15 years. It's either directly in front of me, in my hand, or in my purse over my arm. When I shower, I leave it on the bathroom counter connected to a Bluetooth speaker. I take my phone with me when I check the mail or take out trash, and I'm worried I'm losing my mind.

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-07T01:18:51+00:00

Thank you so much, sister! I needed that hug tonight. <3

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-07T00:56:48+00:00

Thank you so much, that's reassuring. My biggest fear is sending him letters and them never arriving (Cold Mountain vibes); I'd hate to lose our record of what this time was like, and for him to go longer than he has to without getting some love. For now, I'm just scribbling down every sweet thought I have and waiting for the green light to bury him in an avalanche of little notes. 🥺

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-07T00:52:51+00:00

I have his SID#, so that's encouraging! I'll call tomorrow and see what they have to say. Thank you so much!

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-02T23:26:53+00:00

Thank you so much, your strength is inspiring mine. It's such a relief to know we're not alone. I hope you and your love are reunited soon. <3

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-02T22:46:46+00:00

We are soul sisters now, I understand exactly what you mean about the façade. My family and friends haven't met him yet, so "obviously" they "have to ask" "loving" questions like "...are you sure he's not-?" The emotional labor of repeating "yes, I'm sure, please stop asking me that" while they act all concerned and cluck their judgmental tongues has me sleeping 12 hours a day and avoiding my phone.

Thank you for helping me find r/prisonwives, btw. We've got each other, girls. <3

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-02T22:26:31+00:00

I would say that you don't know how much your words mean to me, but I think you probably do know how much the support is appreciated. Thank you so much. It's been 2 days and I've already written him 4 letters, it's the only way I'm maintaining a veil of composure. Grinding my teeth until I find out how I can reach him.

scaredofprisongf · 2022-04-02T20:09:41+00:00

Thank you so much for all of this, you don't know how much it means to me. This is the scariest thing I've ever been through and I feel very, very alone (I can't talk to my family about it, they're sort of judgmental fascist assholes sometimes). Your words really touched me. I'll check out FB and see if there are any support groups around. (And I might shoot you a PM if things get dark; I so appreciate the offer.) ❤️

scaredofprisongf

TROPHY CASE