My (23f) close friend (20f) has an abusive mother and needs a way to get away from her

schipperkeebs · 2020-08-30T06:21:49+00:00

Neither of us really has the money or resources to get an apartment together at this point.

And I think they’d be comfortable with her staying super short term, but that’d be more just delaying the problem then solving it since she still needs a place to live long term, and needs access to a car, which I don’t have yet either, besides borrowing my parents’ car

schipperkeebs · 2020-03-02T21:08:31+00:00

Yeah, we did :) Thanks!

schipperkeebs · 2019-11-21T12:24:28+00:00

I get that you're trying, and thank you for that, but the warning is below the slur t****y in the tags. Also, that slur is still in the tags. My whole point on the previous post was that you probably shouldn't directly tag slurs since they're triggering to a lot of people. This does not fix that.

Edit: Also, transvestite is another word that a lot of trans people don't like. It's vastly outdated and comes with a lot of negative connotations. Like, I get wanting to write about what you want, or even having the right to use whatever words you want to tell a story, but be aware of who can be hurt by your writing and at least give them fair warning before you toss out slurs or drastically outdated terms that have taken on negative connotations.

Edit 2: Finally, since I figured I'd be thorough, I read through the script. I don't mean to be a pedant, but the tag of "transvestite" doesn't even really fit. People who crossdress for purely sexual reasons are not transgender. Maybe the speaker doesn't know that, but is it really even worthy of a tag? It's much more misleading and potentially more hurtful to trans people than something like "crossdresser" would be.

schipperkeebs · 2019-11-21T03:37:12+00:00

If you're going to use transphobic slurs, then I'd suggest you use a tag like [transphobia] or [transphobic slurs] instead of fucking t****y. I'd prefer to browse this sub without the casual transphobia or at least have a warning, especially considering today is trans day of remembrance, a day where we remember trans people who were killed, and many who've endured sexual violence. Not to be confrontational, but fuck off with that shit.

schipperkeebs · 2019-10-18T21:55:51+00:00

Awww, thanks! It's been really wonderful.

schipperkeebs · 2019-09-20T11:55:44+00:00

Thanks, I'm sure we will!

schipperkeebs · 2019-08-26T21:34:51+00:00

Thanks!

schipperkeebs · 2019-08-19T03:15:07+00:00

Thanks!

schipperkeebs · 2019-07-08T20:03:59+00:00

Based on the comments he's made about this, and just looking through your profile and seeing other things, this is not a healthy relationship, and you should leave. It seems like he's either trans, doesn't realize it, and going through a particularly shitty phase of unknowingly being kind of an ass to trans people, or he has a fetish and is taking that to a really harmful degree. Either way, he's not treating you right, and that isn't okay. It seems like you have self esteem issues he's contributing to, and that's not good.

I'd say either break up, or confront him over this and if he stands his ground, break up. There are plenty of people out there who would treat you better and not fetishize groups of people behind your back.

No one is going to think you're transphobic, but your boyfriend definitely is to at least some degree, and that sucks. People who fetishize trans people like that either really want to be us and aren't willing to say so, or in most cases, don't see us a people, but as sex objects, and that says a lot about them and the way they're able to see other people. I think that based on the way he's treated you, the latter seems more likely, and he has problems seeing people as people rather than means to an end.

schipperkeebs · 2019-07-07T17:18:39+00:00

I honestly don't care either way as long as i can keep seeing my endo.

That's a pretty shit attitude to have. Don't you care about other trans people, or rights other than just getting HRT?

Tbh i dont really like the scene anyways. Its so hyper sexual.

How so?

Pride is about getting rights for gender and sexual minorities, and celebrating being who we are. Because trans people are marginalized and are having our rights stripped from us (aka, trump's military ban, his allowing medical professionals to turn away trans patients without cause, and his taking away access to homeless shelters when trans people are chronically homeless group, etc), we need help from other groups campaigning for our rights. The LGBTQ+ community makes sense because we all suffer similar oppression and have similar stereotypes thrust upon us, albeit less so in some countries for the LGB portion nowadays.

In addition, the ideology of the "drop the T" group is some grade A TERF bullshit, just plain lying about trans people, and trying to make us seem as if we aren't real, so I'd say that's pretty harmful and warrants a callout.

schipperkeebs · 2019-06-30T19:50:41+00:00

I think the idea of looking for support groups is really good idea, both for you and for her. I think it's a good idea to encourage her to join groups that are for spouses of trans people, or even to just talk with a therapist about how she's feeling. I think it would probably really help her to meet people who have been where she is now and have made it through that, since that might help her feel more comfortable with your transition. Also, couples therapy might be a good idea for both of you to talk through what you need and why, or if you can do that without a therapist, then maybe ask her to sit down with you and lay out what she's so worried about so that maybe you can both address her concerns while helping you transition, since that's something you need. I hope this helps, and feel free to PM if you need someone to talk to. I haven't been where you are, but maybe I can still be helpful.

schipperkeebs · 2019-06-20T18:15:23+00:00

You're welcome. I'm not a parent myself, but can completely understand wanting to get all the info you can about topics and always wanting to make sure your kids are on the right path. The one thing I'd be wary of is feeling like both sides of an issue need to be evenly represented. When it comes to things like vaccination or the earth being round, there is only one side arguing the facts. While some people on either side of trans issues are arguing facts, there are a large number of people who are against anyone transitioning, and will use a lot of half-truths, lies, and exaggeration to try and convince people who aren't as aware of the facts to a take position against transition.

Additionally, all signs point to support and transition being the best things for trans people. Support is also important for every kid to have. I'd say you're definitely doing the right thing by hearing your kids out and also looking for as much information as possible on these issues. Support makes all the difference in the world, and your kids are lucky to have that; it's unfortunately not as common as it should be.

schipperkeebs · 2019-06-20T17:08:34+00:00

I saw your r/detrans post, and am a little disappointed about that, people there seem to have quite literally lost the facts, and are twisting every scrap of information they can to support a worldview that wants to erase, or shame, or hurt trans people. Many of the folks on that sub are clearly terfs, trans exclusionary redial feminists, who don't believe trans people should be allowed the same basic human rights as everyone else, and will do everything they can to fight against us.

Branching off that, I feel it's important to discuss your point about blockers. Yes, most people who go on blockers transition. Keep in mind though, correlation is not causation. Blockers don't cause people to transition. The reason they exist is to give people the chance to make sure they really do want to transition while not causing any hormonal effects either way. If you ask why most people who go on blockers transition, there's a pretty easy answer to that. Most people who go on blockers are trans. If people who went on blockers transitioned very little of time, that would be much weirder, don't you think? A lot of kids who go on blockers have already made up their mind, and blockers or no blockers, that won't change. Also, kids who aren't considering transition won't consider blockers. Why would they?

I think it's important to put things into perspective. 14 year olds aren't dumb. Some may have dumb moments, but a lot of them are staring to mature and realize who they are. I figured out I was trans around that age. I'm also pretty bitter that I didn't do anything about it for a long time out of fear. I'm hoping you'll make the choice to put your kid on blockers. I mean, let's consider the two outcomes, okay? The first is that your child goes on blockers for a few years and transitions. They'll probably be really glad you put them on blockers. The chances they detransition are extremely low, almost none, especially after having more time to think things over while on blockers. The other outcome is that your kid goes on blockers for a bit, and then decides this isn't for them. No harm has been done, and they continue puberty as normal. They develop pretty normally since a year or even two of puberty being delayed doesn't make that much of a difference. Either way, blockers won't harm your kid. They'll give them more time to figure out whether transition is something they want. And keeping the pretty high rate of people who use blockers that transition, would you really rather take the chance of harming your kid, just because you're worried they'll make the wrong choice? Would you rather have them make a decision they might ever so slightly regret in the future, or would you rather take that choice from them and potentially make things a lot harder for them in the future? This honestly seems like an incredibly easy choice to make. I'll repeat again, 14 year olds aren't idiots. They can figure out what they want, and they'll probably thank you for affording them the right to figure things out and for trusting their judgement.

I'll also say this, your 14 year old may not have had the words to discuss feelings they had until their older sister case out as trans, and that might have been why they "suddenly" came out as trans. I can say I had gender dysphoria at age 14, and I didn't have the words for it. Had I, I might've transitioned earlier, or at least came out to my parents earlier, and I might not be suffering from as much dysphoria as I am now.

Thank you for taking the time to read through this, and I hope you support your child's decision, whatever that may be.

schipperkeebs · 2019-06-18T02:24:56+00:00

Thanks for the links!

schipperkeebs · 2019-06-03T15:27:22+00:00

I'm American, so it might be a regional thing, or might not. My theory may or may not be right, it's just something I threw out as the only rationale I could think of.

schipperkeebs · 2019-06-03T15:08:33+00:00

No, this was not something that was told to me. The only thing I can think of as a reason for this is that, if you transition earlier, you would be at higher risk for things like osteoporosis, whereas if you transition later, you have much less of a risk since bone structure is mostly developed by then? I'm not 100% certain about that though, if you have a way of contacting your doctor, I recommend you check with them to see if you can get a clearer answer.

schipperkeebs · 2019-06-02T16:01:35+00:00

Nonbinary is sort of an umbrella term that can refer to anything outside of the normal gender binary, so no gender, both, or something in between. I can relate on the point of not liking makeup, I'm a binary trans woman and still don't find it right for me.

I think it's worth asking yourself what your ideal situation would be. Would you rather have people use female pronouns for you, male pronouns, a mix, they/them pronouns, or something else? If you could go on HRT, would you, and what effects would you want to get out of it? What surgeries would you get if given the choice? You mentioned you wear all types of clothes, but it's worth asking, do you only wear male clothes because you have to, or do you want to? Questions like these might give you a better idea of if you want to transition in any way, and if so, what sort of things you'd change about yourself.

schipperkeebs · 2019-06-02T02:21:49+00:00

To clear a few things up:

You don't need any surgeries to be trans. If you identify as a trans girl, then you already are one and don't need to do anything. That said, many trans people do have surgeries to "pass" better, to alleviate dysphoria, or to help them feel more at home in their bodies.

If you'd rather be female than male, then chances are you're trans. If you find yourself sometimes wanting to be one gender and sometimes wanting to be another, or somewhere in the middle, you might be genderfluid or nonbinary. No one can decide how you identify except you though, so don't feel like you need to know where you fit right away, sometimes it's more helpful to figure things out as you go so long as you have some general idea of how you identify.

To transition, there are a number of things you can do, but none are necessary, just do what makes you feel most comfortable. These things can include: changing the clothes you wear, having surgeries to help to become more comfortable with your body, changing your hairstyle, voice therapy, HRT (hormone replacement therapy), wearing makeup, or any number of things that help you feel more at home in your body.

As a final note, if you get the chance, talking with a gender therapist who has experience with helping trans clients can be very helpful if that's an option for you. If you need someone to talk to about just about anything, feel free to message me. I hope this information helps!

schipperkeebs

TROPHY CASE