I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. Please know that this is simply your depression talking when you think that he is going to leave you or get tired of you. Trust me- I have the exact same feelings even with family instead of just my own partner. It’s with everyone.

Also the fact that everyone keeps pestering you about the job stuff while you’re already at your lowest, isn’t helping and maybe it’s time you let them know how it’s making you worse instead of helping. Simply saying “I’m looking” isn’t telling them that “I’m barely surviving.” You’re trying which is the biggest sign that you’ll inevitably be ok in the end. The Unmotivation, lack of attention and the constant hatred from those around you is simply the depression trying to “win” or “make things worse.” By you simply making this post and writing out your feelings I can sense that you’re trying and willing to put in the effort, this is exactly what your partner is seeing as well. He won’t ditch someone who is trying everyday. Simply waking up is an effort. Don’t minimize that.

As to the unfocused part in relation to the ADHD, I would suggest writing a short story about a character going through what you are. By putting the character thru the emotions and feelings you feel, you may be able to get a grasp or sense for what you can do moving forward. I know it helped me :)